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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a 5th child

679 replies

Flowerflow · 09/05/2019 12:50

I have 4 children ages 13, 9, 8 and 4 (5 in a few days), recently DP and I have been discussing have another child, he completely up for it but I'm still a little unsure. I have a few concerns like we currently live in a 4 bedroom house, oldest two share and youngest two have their own bedrooms. 8 year old is the only boy and if were to have another boy they would probably share but there would be a big age gap and DS wouldn't be impressed. That or we move to a bigger house which we might not be able to afford where we currently but would be able to if we move slightly further away. Another concern would be there'll be 5/6 between them and our current youngest so new baby might feel left out or the odd one out although not all our children are very close in age. I'm also unsure about going through pregnancy again, I've never really enjoyed it, baby, toddler stage and so I'll happily go through again but pregnancy I'm willing to go through not exactly happily though. On the other hand I'd love to have a fifth child and these concerns and problems can be worked through

OP posts:
NabooThatsWho · 09/05/2019 12:52

Are your 4 children not enough?

recrudescence · 09/05/2019 12:52

Read “The Fifth Child” by Doris Lessing first.

MaxNormal · 09/05/2019 12:54

Having a fifth child is ridiculous given the state of the poor planet.

Cautionsharpblade · 09/05/2019 12:56

@recrudescence Grin

AnastasiaaBeaverhousen · 09/05/2019 12:56

YABVU. We have enough people on this planet already.

englishdictionary · 09/05/2019 12:56

You haven't really given any reason why you should, just why you shouldn't. Hang on to that.

bamboofibre · 09/05/2019 12:56

Yes, YABU. Enjoy the kids you have now and being finally done with babies and toddlers.

MariaNovella · 09/05/2019 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsBlondie · 09/05/2019 12:57

Having a fifth child is ridiculous given the state of the poor planet.

Agreed

MsTSwift · 09/05/2019 12:58

Are you entirely unaware? The climate is at a tipping point there are too many people for it to support and you want a 5th !

roundligament · 09/05/2019 12:58

Planet condition isn't a justification
Have the fifth baby and enjoy your family

HBStowe · 09/05/2019 12:59

God, please don’t. We are absolutely on the brink of abject environmental disaster and the planet simply cannot support people having this many children. Just think about the resources a fifth child will consume in its lifetime. It isn’t sustainable. We have to take serious, immediate action on climate change. In the face of that, having a fifth child is absolutely unsupportable.

ReganSomerset · 09/05/2019 12:59

You're not giving me the impression you want to, OP.

bamboofibre · 09/05/2019 12:59

Yeah, have another kid even though the impact on the ones already here is negative Hmm.

hellsbellsmelons · 09/05/2019 12:59

I hated being pregnant.
Had a terrible time.
And giving birth... HELL NO!
That's probably the main reason I only had one child.
But that's my choice.
This is yours and your DH choice.
I think 5 kids is madness (and my idea of pure hell on earth) but others have more than that and get on just fine with it all.
Have you spoken to your other DC about an potential new additions to the family?
How will it change the dynamics?
Car. Clubs. School activities. Weekend activities. Bed time. Friends staying over, etc....

How old are you?

B3ck89 · 09/05/2019 13:00

I have 4 and the thought of 5 would drive me insane. Mine are 13, 11 (12 next week), 7 and 17 months. I got sterilised after 4th baby and it’s such a relief to never be pregnant again Grin
I also can’t wait till youngest starts school in a few years so I can get a proper job, currently do 2 hours an evening when other half comes home from work.
You really are crazy for considering

SlidingDoor · 09/05/2019 13:01

I know it sounds sanctimonious to say “think of the planet” but it is an important consideration.

The chances are that our children are going to live very different lives to us as climate change triggers famine, wars, disease and the collapse of established norms. We all engage with micro moves to “help” stop this like using reusable coffee cups and judging people for using straws BUT such small changes at an individual level will do nothing in the big picture. The only meaningful things individuals can do is eat a truly local and mainly plant based diet, stop travelling on planes and have fewer children then campaign, campaign, campaign for change. But it’s easier to use a reusable coffee cup than accept we are setting our children up for hell on earth.

I have four kids, I am the pot calling the kettle black but now I’m aware of what is happening to the world I have had to put my broodiness to the side.

MsTSwift · 09/05/2019 13:01

How do you get to that view round? I feel guilty enough with 2. We all know what we have to do. The days of la la la it’s not happening are gone.

Ex28 · 09/05/2019 13:02

You don’t sound like you want to have a baby. I wouldn’t have another.

Jeezoh · 09/05/2019 13:02

What would the 5th child add to your family that your other 4 don’t? That’s a genuine question, not meant to be snippy by the way! Your post hasn’t listed anything about why you’d want one, and just because you can doesn’t mean you should. I’m not sensing massive broodiness from you.

Barbarafromblackpool · 09/05/2019 13:03

I think if you need to ask...

MagicKingdomDizzy · 09/05/2019 13:03

I'm of the opinion that no one should have more than 2 children due to over population.

From the point of view of your 4 current children, adding a fifth will only bring negatives. Less space, less attention, less money.

I can't think of any positive reasons to have a fifth child.

Propertywoes · 09/05/2019 13:04

What if the 5th one was twins?

4 children is surely enough for anyone? Be content with what you've got.

HBStowe · 09/05/2019 13:04

Planet condition isn't a justification

What better justification could there be?! We are heading towards total planetary meltdown in OP’s lifetime, never mind those of her children.

NoSauce · 09/05/2019 13:04

What if the 5th one isn’t enough?