To have a 5th child

[Flowerflow]

I have 4 children ages 13, 9, 8 and 4 (5 in a few days), recently DP and I have been discussing have another child, he completely up for it but I'm still a little unsure. I have a few concerns like we currently live in a 4 bedroom house, oldest two share and youngest two have their own bedrooms. 8 year old is the only boy and if were to have another boy they would probably share but there would be a big age gap and DS wouldn't be impressed. That or we move to a bigger house which we might not be able to afford where we currently but would be able to if we move slightly further away. Another concern would be there'll be 5/6 between them and our current youngest so new baby might feel left out or the odd one out although not all our children are very close in age. I'm also unsure about going through pregnancy again, I've never really enjoyed it, baby, toddler stage and so I'll happily go through again but pregnancy I'm willing to go through not exactly happily though. On the other hand I'd love to have a fifth child and these concerns and problems can be worked through

I was once in the position of considering having a 5th child. I didn't because 1) I was just over 40 & this was when the newspapers were full of stories about Downs children and older mothers, and 2) the family cash situation worsened unexpectedly.

I'm now closer to 80 than 70 and have 6 grandchildren. But I miss that 5th child who never existed.

Go ahead OP.

Will your older ones have to help with the younger?

You may need a new house (expensive) new car/s? (expensive). Life (more expensive)

Not fun for older ones when exam time comes around. Splitting your attention/time even further.

Trying to think of a positive... Nope.

Bringing life into this earth is one of the most amazing, blessed things you can do and as a women you were made to do just that

< not envy.

I think the state of the planet is a good enough reason, (but not just because of the effect that person would have, albeit microscopic for one person,) but because like slidingdoors said

The chances are that our children are going to live very different lives to us as climate change triggers famine, wars, disease and the collapse of established norm

I’d love another child but wouldn’t want to bring another one into this world right now, I already worry enough about the future of the ones I have.

You are overcrowded as it is with 2 of your children having to share a bedroom. Unless you can afford a 6 bed house you are unreasonable to have another. You could literally keep going until you have 3 children in every bedroom if you say “I like the baby stage”. I like the baby stage too but I know we can’t have more than 3 children as it isn’t financially viable if we want to have nice holidays etc and a good standard of living.

Doing anything with 5 kids must cost a fortune. 1 swimming lesson per child per week would be £40! £2k a year. You'd have to be loaded.

Yeah not every one does activities that cost a fortune, some people just, you know, teach their kids how to swim themselves 😱

Are you sure it’s not just a reaction to your youngest being at school? End of an era kind of thing?

If you want another child and can afford it, then do it. However if you are unsure, then don't. My only concern is that you don't turn your older children into care givers for the younger kids

You've already been incredibly selfish, do you know there are people who are actually opting out of childbearing to save the planet?

😂

funinthesun19

I could spar with you all day, and neither would change stance, so what's the point?

You are overcrowded as it is with 2 of your children having to share a bedroom.

Room sharing between children is still fairly common - I shared a room till I was 17.

I will admit it was an additional reason for us to stop at three as we'd just managed to give them their own room - but that is very much a luxury within their friendship groups. It would be odd to consider it overcrowding in communities I mix with.

You don't actually sound like you really want one.

You don't like pregnancy, but your DP and current kids would like one.

Do you actually have space for another? You say you may need to move. Can you afford to?

Are you going to be able to cope with 5?

Can you afford to have 5? How will you manage feeding/clothing/raising 5 children whilst you are on maternity pay. Do you have enough income to cover the costs of having an extra child, childcare costs etc?

Can you honestly afford to raise 5 children and have a decent life and give them everything they need (not talking expensive toys etc but basics). If you can't then it would be silly to consider it.

Other thing I'm finding with eldest is things are getting more expensive as she gets older.

Wow there are some judgey fuckers on here.

It's called AIBU. The judginess is kind of implied....

Adoption is definitely something to consider. It is not for the faint hearted and the children you would potentially adopt would almost certainly have additional issues that you have not experienced with your birth children. However it’s amazing in many ways and adopted dd (8) and DS (3) have enriched our lives so much.

@2toddlers

It is perfectly reasonable for two children to share a bedroom and not be classed as over crowded. I shared a room up until I was in my 20s with 2 sisters and it never bothered me or them at all when growing up (it was a huge bedroom) and we loved sharing it together.

@Drogosnextwife. Yes, they do. And, some people, don't go at all.

The people who are saying about so many people having 3+ children these days. That’s not an accurate representation of the facts at all - birth rates globally are in steady decline and in the UK sit at 1.7 children per woman. Overpopulation is a problem but it’s really more about greater life expectancy.

That said, five children does seem like a lot. Have you thought about rescuing a puppy? I hear they offer a very good version of the newborn experience and they aren’t as expensive 😄

I had 4 . when they were the ages of yours I Loved it. Through the teenage years, it was hard and financially has been hard right through until there 40s. I know 5 would have broken the bank. I was one of 5 and I hated it. Still do at 68 haha

@arethereanyleftatall

And? Are you saying that if a person doesn't take their child to swimming lessons that they have to pay for then most likely they don't take them swimming at all.

Also, where do you live that swimming lessons cost £40/ lesson?

The people who are saying about so many people having 3+ children these days. That’s not an accurate representation of the facts at all - birth rates globally are in steady decline and in the UK sit at 1.7 children per woman. Overpopulation is a problem but it’s really more about greater life expectancy.

Birth rates are declining because people are waking up to the disaster of overpopulation.

It should not be considered carte blanche for the less ecologically minded to have five (or more) children.

She didn’t say £40 a lesson, she said £40 a lesson for 5 kids - so £8 each. Hence the £2K per year comment!

Omg. I can’t believe how bloody rude some people are on this thread. Calling someone selfish and greedy? You people have been brainwashed with propaganda about an overpopulated world when in reality we need more babies because we have a bigger ageing population. Who is going to support them?

Drogosnextwife

I think she was saying £40 for 5 children per week, which is about right.