To have a 5th child

[Flowerflow]

I have 4 children ages 13, 9, 8 and 4 (5 in a few days), recently DP and I have been discussing have another child, he completely up for it but I'm still a little unsure. I have a few concerns like we currently live in a 4 bedroom house, oldest two share and youngest two have their own bedrooms. 8 year old is the only boy and if were to have another boy they would probably share but there would be a big age gap and DS wouldn't be impressed. That or we move to a bigger house which we might not be able to afford where we currently but would be able to if we move slightly further away. Another concern would be there'll be 5/6 between them and our current youngest so new baby might feel left out or the odd one out although not all our children are very close in age. I'm also unsure about going through pregnancy again, I've never really enjoyed it, baby, toddler stage and so I'll happily go through again but pregnancy I'm willing to go through not exactly happily though. On the other hand I'd love to have a fifth child and these concerns and problems can be worked through

OP follow your heart! I have three and slough that's not 4 or 5 I am ten years younger than you and I know in my heart I'm not done yet!

You have a baby big family's are wonderful x

I have considered adoption in the past, it's something I'll deffiently look into

Adoption is a lovely idea.

If you want to have a 5th child, have one! Only you can decide that.

Who cares what a bunch of strangers on the internet think!

But since you did ask, I think any more than 4 (I have 3) must be utter chaos.
I personally don't understand why anyone would bring that much stress and hard work into their lives and into their family, but I guess some mums enjoy that

You've already been incredibly selfish, do you know there are people who are actually opting out of childbearing to save the planet?

Just stop, get yourself a life outside of having children.

If you genuinely wanted a fifth child you wouldn't be asking the internet. You would be working on it.

Overpopulation is one of the biggest contributors to many environmental issues.

Your current stance is that surely it won't matter if I only have one more? You and X number of million people who are all saying the same thing.

The number of people who have 3+ kids these days just astounds me. Why do it?

I have one and won't be having any more. Yes, trying to do my bit for the environment featured heavily in that decision.

Just enjoy the four you have, that's plenty. It also sounds like your husband is piling on the pressure too. He can fuck off frankly!

I would add in the suggestion of fostering. There are so many unwanted kids out there, who desperately need a loving home. You and your DH clearly have lots of experience and would be able to fulfil your wish for a larger family without adding to the population.

Doing anything with 5 kids must cost a fortune. 1 swimming lesson per child per week would be £40! £2k a year. You'd have to be loaded.

You do need to think through what happens if there are problems that mean you or the baby are ill, or the baby needs much more care and attention than your other children.

You don't sound very enthusiastic - you don't like pg, babies or toddlers - so I’d say probably not a good idea.

I’d worry about rooms and age gaps as well – plus I’m finding my 13 near 14 suddenly needing a lot more emotional support than previously.

At 34 you’ve got time to wait and see if you get more enthusiastic – I found once our youngest hit 7 – both our broodiness evaporated. Seems to be a common thing – it was the planning method the family planners in China has wanted first not one child policy – but 7 year waits as large numbers decided no more all by themselves.

I watched a documentary once on people who had big families - one lady had 9 and one had 10. The middle children felt a bit left out of things and the logistics of even a camping holiday with them all was huge. I was in awe of how calm and happy the mothers were whilst all these children were running about. It wouldnt be for me, i felt tired having two of them.

It’s just a totally unanswerable question.

For every person that tells you to think of the planet, someone will tell you that it’s just one more child and we’re ducked anyway.

I could tell you that being 1 of 5 sucked for me and my parents didn’t give us enough individual attention, whatever they delude themselves. But then you’ll tell he it’s different with your 4.

Nobody can answer this except you.

I'm one of 5 - there becomes a middle child.

An adopted child will most likely have far more complex and challenging needs than your existing children, and bring a lifetime of "baggage" depending on their reasons for being in the adoption system.

It's not like picking a perfect, history-less infant out of a catalogue. Even the youngest children being adopted come with trauma and attachment issues.

To all of the people complaining about the state of the planet, the resources an extra child would use in its lifetime, etc...

I have no real issues with people who choose to have lots of children. Yes, it might be selfish and terrible for the planet, but that's ultimately how most of us naturally think, whether it's having lots of children, driving excessively, flying, using fossil fuels to heat our homes to a nice comfortable temperature, constantly upgrading and replacing perfectly fine consumer goods.

What I do have an issue with is people who preach and urge other people to make sacrifices that they clearly don't believe apply to them.

Prince Philip and James Lovelock have been talking for a number of decades about the urgent need for us to reduce the population and have much smaller families in order for the planet to survive.

Both of these men had four children and, to my knowledge, never expressed the slightest contrition about it (I'm also not convinced that everybody having multiple palaces to live in would be particularly sustainable).

Makes it very difficult to take seriously what people like this actually say, when they obviously don't believe it themselves, however worthy or otherwise their message.

Well I wonder if my exH and his gf ever thought of all these factors. They have 7 children between them squashed into a 3 bed house. It must be hell in that house. It's just an average 3 bed terraced ex-council property. Two lots of bunk beds in one room, and bunk beds and a single in the other, then the adults in another. Oh and a friend and his dog sleeping on the sofa!! That's madness.

I think you'd be crazy to have another. Isn't 4 enough?

It sounds as though you've got it pretty sorted in terms of bedroom space, why rock the boat.

Why not just relax now and enjoy the children you already have?

You obviously didn't catch on after having two children that the Earth is severely overpopulated.

Yes I figured as much, given your responses.

Right back at you. I figured you either had none or 2 max. Surprised you have any at all really given your responses about overpopulation.

I can't get my head around just getting the youngest in to school, and then going back to the newborn days, with nappies and sleepless nights. Just why?

Sausageroll - within my circles, people are doing more and more to look after the environment, certainly far far more than m parents generation, and I expect my children will also do more. From eating less meat, to consciously only having one or two children, to holidaying in England, recycling etc it wouldn't have crossed my mother's mind.

You can hardly blame someone who's 90 for having more than 2 kids, can you?

Wow there are some judgey fuckers on here.

OP, you have listed a lot of reasons not to but actually none of them are that big, sharing rooms is fine and if you can afford another child then go for it. It certainly reads like you actually do want one.

Adoption is a long process to go through - its quite stressful and very intrusive as well. someone i knew adopted two children and it took about 18 months before they were approved, not quite so long for the second child, but still a wait for a match. If you already have children i'm not sure how much is taken into consideration as well.would be a lot to look into.