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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a 5th child

679 replies

Flowerflow · 09/05/2019 12:50

I have 4 children ages 13, 9, 8 and 4 (5 in a few days), recently DP and I have been discussing have another child, he completely up for it but I'm still a little unsure. I have a few concerns like we currently live in a 4 bedroom house, oldest two share and youngest two have their own bedrooms. 8 year old is the only boy and if were to have another boy they would probably share but there would be a big age gap and DS wouldn't be impressed. That or we move to a bigger house which we might not be able to afford where we currently but would be able to if we move slightly further away. Another concern would be there'll be 5/6 between them and our current youngest so new baby might feel left out or the odd one out although not all our children are very close in age. I'm also unsure about going through pregnancy again, I've never really enjoyed it, baby, toddler stage and so I'll happily go through again but pregnancy I'm willing to go through not exactly happily though. On the other hand I'd love to have a fifth child and these concerns and problems can be worked through

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 09/05/2019 13:21

Gosh that sounds like a lot of extra work and strain. How old are you?

Propertywoes · 09/05/2019 13:23

What if 5 isn't enough for you?

funinthesun19 · 09/05/2019 13:23

No I don’t because but I’m also not a big hypocrite like people on here Wink
Pot kettle black. Don’t call others for destroying the planet when you do your fair share of destroying it yourself!

Although using your logic, if you were serious about saving the planet it wouldn't even be a cardboard box, it would be a shack made of trees, as making a cardboard box uses fossil fuels and causes deforestation.

Awesome idea! Go and do that and do your bit instead of banging on about people having babies destroying the planet.

Just have another baby if you want one OP.

Missingstreetlife · 09/05/2019 13:23

Surprised you are not looking forward to some time to yourself when they are grown. Nothing you want to do?

Celebelly · 09/05/2019 13:23

It sounds awful to me, but four would be far too many for me in the first place. I like a quiet house! GrinIn terms of lifestyle I guess there's not much difference between four and five, but if you only have a four bedroom house then it doesn't seem like the greatest idea. Seven people in a four-bed would be cramped I think, unless your living areas are massive. We are three people (and a dog) in a four-bed and two kids would be my limit for being comfortable here personally. We are stopping at one, though.

Springwalk · 09/05/2019 13:24

Your latest post shows that this is all about you. You sound very selfish.
I would like to see another grow up, I like the baby and toddler stage etc.

What about your other children? Are they going to thank you for being sleep deprived, too busy for them with another pregnancy and new born baby, a lack of money, time and support for them?

Apart from the fact you would like to see another grow up, have you considered the actual impact on your entire family?

funinthesun19 · 09/05/2019 13:24

Someone people can’t even have one and you want a 5th 🙄

And how is that OP’s problem?

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 09/05/2019 13:24

There is a very real and present danger that by the time our DCs are grown up they will be living on a planet that's going to be imploding on itself.
Why would you want to bring a life into the world that's going to inherit a complete clusterfuck?

HBStowe · 09/05/2019 13:25

As far as I can tell, the pros are:

  • you like babies / toddlers

And the cons are:

  • less space for your existing kids
  • less time for your existing kids
  • less money for your existing kids
  • massive detrimental environmental impact

Honestly, how does this seem a reasonable decision...?

arethereanyleftatall · 09/05/2019 13:26

'Planet condition isn't a justification.'

Fuck me, there's some stupid people about.

lastqueenofscotland · 09/05/2019 13:27

It sounds like it’s about you... what do your children think, what if your older children don’t leave home? My youngest sister is 25 with health issues and will not be ready to leave home for some time, if ever. Could you realistically cope with that many adults living there.
Can you actually afford it or would it be on the taxpayer.

BlueSkiesLies · 09/05/2019 13:28

You've got 4 healthy happy children. I really wouldn't risk a fifth.

looks a lot like you are feeling like you have no purpose in life other than to have babies, now your youngest is 8, and want another one to fill your own void.

Justaboy · 09/05/2019 13:28

There is a very real and present danger that by the time our DCs are grown up they will be living on a planet that's going to be imploding on itself.

There is an equal possibility that if its managed well and the right tech comes along it will be fine.

A few more Nuclear power stations anyone;?.

Fine by me OP enjoy the new child:)

IrisAtwood · 09/05/2019 13:30

Yes, you are BU. Read The Uninhabitable Earth.

Original poster
Flowerflow · 09/05/2019 13:30

What about your other children? Are they going to thank you for being sleep deprived, too busy for them with another pregnancy and new born baby, a lack of money, time and support for them?
Who says that's going to happen, it didn't happen when I had DC4, they'd like another sibling, it's something we've spoke to them about before, DP is already certain he wants another so I don't think I'm being selfish. No it isn't just about me at all but people were saying I didn't sound like I wanted another so I gave some reasons why I do

OP posts:
lastqueenofscotland · 09/05/2019 13:31

What if you have a complication? The child or yourself is unwell. Will your family cope with you away for months in hospital?

CoastalWave · 09/05/2019 13:31

You sound like my MIL. Basically kept popping babies out as she liked babies and toddlers. She did fuck all for any of them after that though in terms of their mental wellbeing and development.

Liking babies and toddlers is not a reason to impact further on the existing children you already have. Unless you're absolutely minted, those kids are going to have to miss out on after school activities, hobbies etc just because you want to coo over another baby.

Focus on the FOUR you already have would be my advice.

MagicKingdomDizzy · 09/05/2019 13:31

funinthesun19

Don’t call others for destroying the planet when you do your fair share of destroying it yourself!

I live as environmentally friendly as possible so I'm absolutely doing my fair share for the planet. I feel perfectly entitled to give an opinion on a public forum where the OP actually asked for opinions.

I also don't have more than 2 children.

Like it or not, adding to the population, over the natural level of natural death and birth rate is the worst thing you can do for the planet.

2 children each replace their mother and father. People who have more than 2 really are adding to overpopulation.

It's fact. I know you don't like it, but it's fact. And pointing it out to anyone doesn't make me a hypocrite.

IrisAtwood · 09/05/2019 13:31

You could end up like the woman who is on baby no 21 if your reason is that you 'like babies and toddler.' Get a job in a nursery!

SoupDragon · 09/05/2019 13:31

There is an equal possibility that if its managed well and the right tech comes along it will be fine.

Yeah. Or we might discover magic and wave a wand to rectify all the damage.

Turbototty · 09/05/2019 13:31

I have five and it’s great. Three were born to me, last two adopted. I know it’s not for everyone, but adoption has been great for us (and didn’t have to go through pregnancy and childbirth the last two times!)

MsTSwift · 09/05/2019 13:31

Not perfect by any means but what’s that saying the majority doing stuff imperfectly is better than a few doing things perfectly. Recently minimised meat used reuseables mooncup veg and groceries sourced locally in cardboard cycle when I can etc. But I love travel and giving up flying is going to fucking hurt.

daisypond · 09/05/2019 13:32

You sound like you don’t really want another. And I also think that wanting to continually revisit the baby and toddler stage is psychologically concerning. You are still a mum to your older children and they have parenting needs too and are also still in the process of growing up. I’d ask yourself what is it about babies and toddlers that you really love? Their helplessness, cuteness, their dependency, your control over them, your mummy-ness?

mydogisthebest · 09/05/2019 13:33

Well I think 4 is far too many but why not just be even more selfish and have a 5th.

Families were getting smaller but now 3 seems to be the norm but far too many families of 4, 5 or more.

Thankfully me and DH decided against having children because of overpopulation (this was almost 40 years ago) so don't have to worry about what sort of future our children will have (a pretty shit one if so many people continue being selfish and irresponsible)

RattyTat · 09/05/2019 13:33

TBH though. Two children is probably one too many considering that we need to decrease the population not continue it, not to mention the number of descendants that will also be produced by the two children.