(I may have to split this post into 2 parts if it gets too long - apologies!)
I’m 51, DH is 60. Married for 21 years. No children.
14 years ago we moved from London to a small, rural market town. I thought making friends in a small community would be easy…
I’m self-employed and I work mainly from home. I also go on business trips – I’m away for ± 1 week out of every 5 or 6 weeks.
DH and I like this town. It’s charming and chocolate box pretty. It’s clean and crime levels are low, but I find the social aspect of living here rather disappointing. People are very friendly and courteous but ‘casual acquaintances’ hardly ever transition into ‘friends’, let alone close friends.
The town has a population of ± 13,000 and consists predominantly of 1) families with pre-school & school age children, 2) teenagers & people in their early twenties, and 3) retired/elderly people. The town is family-oriented, and caters especially to parents, their children and the retired community.
We’ve lived here for nearly 14 years and I’ve not made one friend the same age as me! We do have a small circle of friends but they’re all older than me (mid/late 50s to early 60s). We met most of these people not long after we moved here, and some others a couple of years later.
However we haven’t made any new friends since around 2011/2012 …
We meet up with the same group of friends 2 or 3 times per year, mainly to mark special occasions. However, trying to get our friends to commit to meeting up with us/me on an individual basis (as opposed to a group situation) - be it for coffee in town, a pint at a local pub, or dining out at weekends, is like pulling teeth!
Perhaps our friends have ‘moved on’ as their personal lives and family circumstances have changed over the years?
When I turned 50 I decided I’d waited long enough for new friendships to develop ‘naturally’. DH and I felt that we had relied on the same circle of friends for too long, so I wanted to try new things and meet new people.
I joined a friendly local gym and I started going for walks. So I’m doing new activities and I keep fit, which is great. I make small talk with other people in the gym and with other walkers I meet, but that’s about it. I’m not really making new friends and I feel I haven’t really achieved an awful lot.
TO BE CONTINUED …