Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if this would piss you off? Wedding guest related

186 replies

PepperAndCheese · 09/05/2019 11:04

Jane and Tina met through work about 4 years ago. Jane left the place where Tina works about 2 years but have remained in contact, mainly via social media and the odd meet up/film and takeaway night at Jane's house with other former colleagues.

Jane is getting married at the very beginning of July and invited Tina along with Tina's partner (who Jane has only met once briefly) and a few of the ex work colleagues.

Tina RSVP'd back in February to say her and her partner would be attending the wedding, they have been invited to the ceremony, meal and evening party. It is a 4 hour drive away as Jane is marrying in her home town down south.

Yesterday Tina's partners nephew (who he is very close to) got engaged whilst holidaying in Australia. Tina's partner, Bob is like a father figure to his nephew, especially as nephew has fallen out with his own father for the last 12 months (abusive father).

Their engagement party is on the same day as Jane's wedding and Bob really wants to go.

Jane paid a lot of money per head for the reception and Tina is very worried that Jane will be hacked off. Also, Tina has just realised that this thread is so obviously posted by Tina and will no longer speak in the third person.

So Mumsnet, what do I do? Do I make "Bob" come to the wedding and keep the peace, or risk pissing Jane off who is good friends with my manager and risk people talking about me! I would be willing to pay the £105 that the meal cost for Bob.

OP posts:
mum11970 · 10/05/2019 18:24

Come on, if the engagement only happened yesterday there is no way they’ve booked a venue for an engagement party already, they can just pick a different date.

NunoGoncalves · 10/05/2019 18:25

No wonder Bob prefers staying at home.

Honeyroar · 10/05/2019 18:53

I think you made the right decision. He would have been incredibly rude (and tarred you with the same brush a bit too) if he'd ditched her for a better offer. An engagement party is just a party, nothing particularly special.

Pawsandnoses · 10/05/2019 18:55

I'm a bit confused. Got engaged yesterday, whilst in Australia and have already managed to arrange an engagement party, which includes a (fairly short notice) venue. Either, this is just a speculative proposal for a party or they're having it in their garden. Either way the date can move.

Merryoldgoat · 10/05/2019 19:07

I know Bob is now going, but I’d just take someone else in your case - a female friend who I could have fun with.

EngiNerd · 10/05/2019 19:07

Let her know as soon as possible. Are you sure she's already paid 100% of the cost of the meals? For my own wedding I paid a deposit but was allowed to change the number of meals until 2 days before the wedding without charge and paid the final bill the day of. The wedding is still over a month away and if she knows now she could always invite someone else to take Bob's place.

mcmooberry · 10/05/2019 19:22

I personally would insist Bob came to the wedding, he can tell his nephew that he is going to a wedding that day and up to the nephew to reschedule if he really wants Bob to go.

Fowles94 · 10/05/2019 19:26

Cancel the wedding, pay the money and go to the engagement party. This is obviously more important than a friends wedding.

ADropofReality · 10/05/2019 19:44

As ever on Mumsnet, certain folk can go to hell.

So, Bob, your nephew thinks of you as a father figure and he’s just got engaged? Sorry, but sod his engagement party, you’re booked to go to Tina’s ex-workmate’s wedding, an ex-workmate even Tina hasn’t seen in two years. This was booked first, you go to the thing you accepted first, rude to drop out.

But if the boot was on the other foot – if it was Tina’s nephew was engaged and the nephew had treated Tina as a mother figure, and if it was Bob's ex-workmate getting married – Mumsnet would be insisting that not just that Tina slough off Bob’s ex-workmate’s wedding but that Bob work his way out of it too.

vincettenoir · 10/05/2019 19:47

Tina should tell Jane ASAP. There is no need for Jane to offer to pay for Bob’s place. That’s not how these things work. Jane has probably built in some contingency for something like this.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 10/05/2019 20:02

£105 a head!! Who the hell is doing the catering, Gordon Ramsay?

Lweji · 10/05/2019 20:03

Tina should tell Jane ASAP.

That Bob has said he is going to the wedding?

Why? She already knows.

RTFT people. Grin

Ironmanrocks · 10/05/2019 20:04

Not read the full thread, but I am getting married in July - they want firm numbers 2 weeks before, so just cancel him now and explain. x

TigerTooth · 10/05/2019 20:13

So long as you still attend it doesn’t matter.
You could take a different +1 or just pay for Bobs place.
Tell her the truth.

donquixotedelamancha · 10/05/2019 20:43

So Mumsnet, what do I do?

Stay out of it. Nothing to do with you, let Tina handle it.

TransposersArePosers · 10/05/2019 20:46

Sorry, I haven't RTFT.

I went to my DHs cousins wedding on my own when he had a holiday booked that clashed (can't remember which was booked first, it was years ago!)

We took the view that it wouldn't have bothered us if they hadn't been able to attend our wedding a few years before (they aren't close).

Jane has invited Tina, so unless she's a bridezilla probably won't be that bothered if Bob can't go , as long as Tina does. But definitely tell her sooner rather than later.

FairyFlake45 · 10/05/2019 21:02

Instead of Tina paying for Bob’s meal...couldn’t she take another +1 preferably who Jane knows?

RLABC · 10/05/2019 21:45

RTFT people. Bob's honouring the prior engagement!

cocodash · 10/05/2019 22:49

I have read the whole thread and know Bob is going.

But just from a brides prospective (I got married a few months ago)
I had a few friends message me and say their +1 couldn't make it at short notice, really wasn't an issue, I just asked the person if they wanted to bring someone else, or If not I invited someone from our reserve list.

Glad it's all sorted though.

BlackCatSleeping · 10/05/2019 23:51

I’m actually really shocked that people have reserve lists for their weddings. Isn’t that the height of rudeness. Hello, you weren’t deemed important enough to invite to our wedding, but good news, someone’s dropped out, so we need a place-filler! Seriously!?

RosemaryHoight · 11/05/2019 00:27

I have read the whole thread.

Look Tina, Bob doesn't sound like he's the life and soul, so I would ask Jane if it's ok to bring a different plus one or if she's recently made friends with somebody who she would have invited if she'd known them longer, or something like that.

RosemaryHoight · 11/05/2019 00:29

I'm more shocked at engagement parties to be honest. I don't really understand the point of it.

BlackCatSleeping · 11/05/2019 00:42

Engagement parties are definitely a thing, but I think generally they are just an informal get together, drinks, bbq, cake, that sort of thing.

thelastgoldeneagle · 11/05/2019 00:54

£105 for an engagement party meal??!!?

Lweji · 11/05/2019 01:25

£105 for an engagement party meal??!!?

Congratulations. You've just won the RTFT award.

Swipe left for the next trending thread