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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be the tiniest bit peeved about DD going to prom?

173 replies

Lifeandbeans · 09/05/2019 09:31

I know I am really but...

Dd has Sen and is not the best person socially. Big parties are her idea of hell and she doesn't mix much with others.
I did however offer her the chance of going to prom as it's a special time and she was absolutely set against it. Especially as it lands on an evening when she would be at an activity which she loves and won't miss for anything.

We arranged to use the money to do something nice with her instead and my Mum has booked her something.

I've been asking her for the last year and still been getting no. As the date started drawing closer I even said that due to the costs involved and the fact I'm a single Mum that if she was still saying no she couldn't just spring on me that she wanted to go last minute.
Still absolutely set on not going.
She hasn't even ordered the leavers hoodie as she just wanted to leave.

Yesterday she was having a chat with her (amazing ) support teacher about prom. She made it clear she wasn't going and the teacher has persuaded her to go!
So basically I've now got three weeks and one pay day now to try and book appointments for hair and nails and make up when most places are booked up already and find a dress and shoes and everything she needs plus the cost of the ticket etc for to sit uncomfortably for the evening because she won't dance or anything like that. She will most likely sit with her teacher.

I love the teacher but I'm a bit peeved if I'm honest that DD has been saying no for 12 months. That she was told to decide when the info came out and that she couldn't go back on it a couple of weeks before but that is exactly what has happened.
And I don't want to tell her no because all I'm going to have for the rest of my life is that I wouldn't let her go to prom!

OP posts:

Firewitch · 09/05/2019 13:06

OP - have a look on ASOS for a dress. They have lovely prom dresses. They cost as little as £30 and are amazing quality. They start in size 4. My DD ordered 2 as she couldn’t decide which she liked best, I ended up just letting her keep both as they’re amazing quality for the price, she’s going to wear one to prom and one to her cousins christening next month.

My daughter is 11 too and has her prom at the beginning of next month. I’ve not heard the end of it and expected it to cost me a small fortune but we’ve actually been able to do it on a budget.

Good luck!

Firewitch · 09/05/2019 13:08

Forgot to mention - the parent council are offering help with hair and make up for the pupils at my daughters school as well for those parents who can’t afford for it to be done professionally. You could check if this is being offered at your daughters school too?

PerfectPenquins · 09/05/2019 13:11

She will probably feel more awkward by doing things she never usually does like hair and makeup. It will be obvious to everyone and will draw more attention on her. This is so ridiculous fake nails, makeup and hair appointments? None of that sounds like your daughter from what you've written. Let her go as herself.

pumpkinpie01 · 09/05/2019 13:14

I would let her go but really sort out who she is going with, she could feel nervous going on her own and may change her mind at the last minute but could well enjoy it if she arrives with someone else

goingonabearhunt1 · 09/05/2019 13:30

Is the girl who is her 'best friend' going? Maybe they could travel together?

Don't see the need for hair and nails myself, we never did any of that for prom, just diy (have proms changed that much in 15 years?) Get a dress that she can wear again for a wedding or something, otherwise it's a bit of a waste of money. As PP have said, simple hair and make-up, you can do yourself.

IHaveBrilloHair · 09/05/2019 14:05

I've just been on ASOS looking for Dd if she goes and they do have some lovely ones.
I've set aside an amount of money (£65), so she can have one last minute, I'm a prime member so get next day free delivery.

IHaveBrilloHair · 09/05/2019 14:07

Fake nails and tans definitely is not Dd, she paints her own nails.
She does wear lots if make up but it's bright colours, she has blue/red/purple/stripy hair and lots of facial and ear piercings so goes for more of an alternative look.

PregnantSea · 09/05/2019 15:00

Competing in martial arts doesn't preclude you from doing make up lol.

Anyway, you can't afford it so she can't go. She already knew this, she had plenty of warning. She's old enough to understand that you can't afford things sometimes.

formerbabe · 09/05/2019 15:03

Hair, nails and make up you can do yourself. Buy a packet of the glue on nails...watch a hair tutorial on YouTube. Make up just needs a few practice goes.

You can get a dress online easily. Look at Asos, boohoo, pretty little thing...they all have nice affordable dresses.

bigbadbadger · 09/05/2019 15:09

It sounds like she'll have a good time in that case :)
I hope it gos well for her.

Original poster

Lifeandbeans · 09/05/2019 15:42

I hope so bigbadbadger
Either she will sit with the teacher all night or the other kids will sit with her. I'm not sure tbh!
I can always send someone to go and get her I suppose if she hates it.

OP posts:

ImposterSyndrome101 · 09/05/2019 16:06

Hey OP. I'm autistic and said all the way through school I didn't want to go to prom. 3 weeks before I decided I was going. Like you my mum wasn't happy but she let me go. She made my dress (she's a seamstress), bought the tiara and shoes. My sisters did my hair and makeup and my BIL borrowed a company car and wore a suit to drive me. I didn't do nails or fake tan or anything, my friends all took the day off school to get ready, I didn't because it doesn't take that long to put on a dress and get ready. And as much as I hate formal events wearing dresses, crowds, group meals and school overall. I had the best time, it is honestly something I am so glad I did, I still have my dress and everything. Overall I think mum spent about £150 on it all and I didn't look out of place, feel that anxious and everyone even people I'd been bullied by were really nice that night. Its a massive celebration for everyone and like previous posters have said, if she's not enjoying it she can leave early.

Best of luck

WaltzForDebbie · 09/05/2019 16:18

I would probably just do mascara and some lipstick if she isn't used to makeup. That will still look nice. Rimmel lipsticks are good.

NurseNancyandDoctorDavid · 09/05/2019 16:25

@Lifeandbeans , I have two dresses that I am happy for your daughter to choose from, I bought them for a show for Dd, they're both a size 8, but one can be tied looser. One is navy the other royal blue, both full length.

Original poster

Lifeandbeans · 09/05/2019 17:19

Thank you imposter that's really helpful to read. I hope she enjoys it too.

I think mascara and lipstick might be the way to go Waltz. I mentioned make up and she was horrified that she might have to sit and make small talk with a stranger while they did it.
Tbh she never wears make up where as some of the other girls wear loads at school so I think it will be enough.

Thanks so much NurseNancyandDoctorDavid that is really very kind. I think we might be sorted as a lovely Mumsnetter has offered us use of a dress but thank you!

OP posts:

NurseNancyandDoctorDavid · 09/05/2019 22:44

@Lifeandbeans you're very welcome, if anything changes just pm me.

DonkeyHohtay · 09/05/2019 22:47

Charity shop for dresses. I did my weekly 4 hour shift this morning and priced about a dozen dress which would be ideal for prom. Immaculate condition. Most of them £9.99.

skybluee · 10/05/2019 15:40

I'd just try and do a scaled down simple version - simple nails, a little bit of make-up, borrow dress, keep it simple and low key so less stress. Hopefully she will really enjoy it. I think you are to be commended for helping her go to stuff like this and not flipping out and telling her she can't go, she decided against it so made her own bed and has to lie in it etc. It sounds like it was a result of her SEN and she was probably scared and anxious of it. Good luck.

Original poster

Lifeandbeans · 11/05/2019 11:04

Just wanted to send a huge huge thank you to @crappywife (who isn't the slightest bit crappy!!) who has so kindly sent me a dress for DD to use.
I'm beyond grateful and financially it's a massive weight off my mind and it really is beautiful.

We are just going to do the other things ourselves and pick up some cheap shoes but I can stress less about entry costs and things like that now I don't have to worry about her dress.

Her friend has offered to take her to prom too now they know she's going so fingers crossed she will be okay.
If not I'm going to sit in the coffee shop nearby just incase it's too loud or too busy!

Thanks Mumsnet!

OP posts:

Springwalk · 11/05/2019 11:20

That is so amazing, so kind of crappy (love the name :))I can send nail vanish and lip gloss if lipstick is too much (dd has never worn it) and I am sure we can find a pashmina too, so let me know.

So hope she goes and has the most wonderful time! life

stucknoue · 11/05/2019 11:32

Yes she needs a dress (ever pretty on amazon has reasonably priced dresses or try Quiz or Debenhams). You don't need hair or nails (buy stick on ones from the supermarket and do hair yourself) make up can be got free, or by buying one product from make up counters in department stores/boots. Shoe zone or supermarkets for shoes. I've spent about £40/head for the forthcoming leavers ball (3, yes 3 outfits as all three females of this house are going!)

stucknoue · 11/05/2019 11:36

Ps dd1 is autistic, she skipped prom but went to her university ball and loved it, many thanks to lady at local boots who did her make up and really put her at ease!

SolitudeAtAltitude · 11/05/2019 11:38

Crappywife, how fab of you to do this (like a fairy godmother: you shall go to the ball!)

I was awkward as a teen, and never went to prom (or balls at uni), and sort if regret that.

Also, as you know, no need for the fake nails and face full of make up look.

Hope she has fun

chunn65 · 11/05/2019 11:47

I went out with a friend whose a fan of charity shops, so while waiting for her i notice a lot of former bridesmaids frocks, so reasonably priced. many were dry cleaned, or TK Max has a good selection. It would be a shame for her to look back and say I wished I'd gone. like most have said you help with her hair and a little polish on her nails. Let her go.

KaliforniaDreamz · 11/05/2019 11:49

I hope she has a wonderful time.
Well Done Crappy! x

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