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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be the tiniest bit peeved about DD going to prom?

173 replies

Lifeandbeans · 09/05/2019 09:31

I know I am really but...

Dd has Sen and is not the best person socially. Big parties are her idea of hell and she doesn't mix much with others.
I did however offer her the chance of going to prom as it's a special time and she was absolutely set against it. Especially as it lands on an evening when she would be at an activity which she loves and won't miss for anything.

We arranged to use the money to do something nice with her instead and my Mum has booked her something.

I've been asking her for the last year and still been getting no. As the date started drawing closer I even said that due to the costs involved and the fact I'm a single Mum that if she was still saying no she couldn't just spring on me that she wanted to go last minute.
Still absolutely set on not going.
She hasn't even ordered the leavers hoodie as she just wanted to leave.

Yesterday she was having a chat with her (amazing ) support teacher about prom. She made it clear she wasn't going and the teacher has persuaded her to go!
So basically I've now got three weeks and one pay day now to try and book appointments for hair and nails and make up when most places are booked up already and find a dress and shoes and everything she needs plus the cost of the ticket etc for to sit uncomfortably for the evening because she won't dance or anything like that. She will most likely sit with her teacher.

I love the teacher but I'm a bit peeved if I'm honest that DD has been saying no for 12 months. That she was told to decide when the info came out and that she couldn't go back on it a couple of weeks before but that is exactly what has happened.
And I don't want to tell her no because all I'm going to have for the rest of my life is that I wouldn't let her go to prom!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifeandbeans · 09/05/2019 10:42

'If she was ambivalent about going it doesn't sound like she's going to be mad for all the trimmings anyway,'

She's really not.
She's basically said she will wear a summer dress she already has (which isn't suitable for a Prom) straighten her hair and go in no makeup so I only had the entry cost.
She would literally go in joggers if allowed but I know when she got there she would feel uncomfortable because everyone else was very dressed up.
She feels the odd one out a lot and I don't want her to feel more so.

OP posts:
Parsley65 · 09/05/2019 10:44

Hi.
My DD has her Y11 prom this year. While thinking it's a lovely idea I do have issues about costs.

We found a wedding dress/prom shop (we're in the Midlands) within 20 miles of home that had a selection of discount dresses upstairs and we found some fabulous stuff. The dress she chose is gorgeous and cost £50.

The ladies in the shop were fabulous and recommended sparkly silver shoes from Primark and tinted moisturiser (instead of fake tan) from somewhere like B&M.
Hair & nails can be done at home, but look at some online tutorials and have a couple of fun practice sessions together before the event.
Good luck x

Missingstreetlife · 09/05/2019 10:46

Fucking teacher helping to make this American consumer fest a rite of passage. Mind your own business!
Does she really wanna go op? Or is she ppl pleasing?

Mrsjayy · 09/05/2019 10:50

You not keen on Americansmissing

beachysandy81 · 09/05/2019 10:51

I know she said she didn't want to go but I do think the support teacher was trying to help. If she doesn't normally go to these things and now wants to go I think you need to support her and make it a positive experience. It sounds like the teacher will be working especially to take her so she is making extra effort too. You don't need to spend much, get a friend or family member over to help get her ready if you are not into that sort of thing.

Crappywife · 09/05/2019 10:51

I’ve got two teenage dd so I know that prom is a big deal.
My dd’s Prom dress is hung on the back of her bedroom door she’s a size 10/12 it’s a beautiful navy floor length number. If your dd is the same size I’d be more than happy to send it to you ?

Comefromaway · 09/05/2019 10:52

She doesn't need the hair and make up.

Dd did have her hair done (just curled), it cost £20 but only becasue she was living in a caravan at the time with only caravan site shower cubicles and low voltage hair dryers!

Make up she did herself, if your dd doesn;t normally wear make up then all she needs is a little bit of eye shadow and lipgloss. I'm afraid with dd nails just got forgotten, they were clean thats all that mattered.

Dd's dress was from Quiz. It cost £40 and was beautiful.

Highchaparral · 09/05/2019 10:54

OP when is the prom? What’s your rough location and what size is your daughter roughly? Someone on here might be able to help out with a previously loved dress. I have a floor length green evening dress that’s a size small 12- never been worn.not blingy at all, it’s plain. In Northern Ireland but would be happy to post but someone nearer you could have something suitable as well?

Missingstreetlife · 09/05/2019 10:55

Can't say about all American ppl. Probably lots of them just like us, trying to get by, not believing all the hype and despairing of our politicians. Ppl abroad not too keen on Britain either.
Don't like much of American culture, politics, state. Or ours.

Crappywife · 09/05/2019 10:57

This is my daughters dress that I mentioned. Pm me if you think it would be ok for your dd

To be the tiniest bit peeved about DD going to prom?
tensmum1964 · 09/05/2019 11:01

Just to say I think the offers of dresses on here is really lovely and heart warming. If I had one I would do the same. My DD has a prom next year and due to the cost Im going to start planning now. That might sound a bit ridiculous but I'm genuinely nervous that when the time comes that I won't be able to afford. I also agree with other posters that proms are an awful idea and ridiculously costly but I don't want my DD to be one of the only kids in her class that can't go.

TraceyLP · 09/05/2019 11:02

CrappyWife - dress is gorgeous!

Lunde · 09/05/2019 11:06

DD chose a dress from ASOS sale - she loved it and has worn it several times

Comefromaway · 09/05/2019 11:08

I've looked at the photos from last year and all of the girls pictured had ball gown style dresses and hair and nails done. Many had cars but that isn't happening!

It was the same at dd's school but one girl who really isn't into that style rocked up in a velvet tux jacket with a crop top. Dd still talks about how AMAZING she looked.

Tinkobell · 09/05/2019 11:08

Hair and nails????!!!! Rubbish. You don't need to pay for that stuff. Dress - Boho, Little Mistress or Debenhams. Heels: primark. Be gladness she's going OP. By the way, she's a teenager - it's not personal.

aprilshowers12 · 09/05/2019 11:15

Does she receive DLA? If so I'd say use some of this money for these expenses which appear to have solely come about as a result fo her extra needs. My DD had a dress from Debenhams which was about £20 ( mind you a few years ago now) absolutely no-one paid for hair or nails, that's ridiculous

DishingOutDone · 09/05/2019 11:19

Ask the SENCO. Say you have encouraged DD to go to this, now how do you intend to manage it, explain some of your circumstances. Where I live there is a prom dress scheme for low income families, maybe something similar where you are?

My DD has similar problems although she has body dysmorphia as well so its going to be tricky, but I wanted to give her the chance. Its the nature of her MH issues that she will change her mind constantly, even at the very last minute, sometimes we have to live with it.

Chanel05 · 09/05/2019 11:20

I'd also be inclined to say that it's not the end of the world if she doesn't go. I hardly remember my school prom, had a dress from eBay and sister did my hair but what I do remember if thinking what a total anti-climax. I had much better nights out after the age of 18 which were much cheaper!

VioletCharlotte · 09/05/2019 11:24

The SENCO will be encouraging her to go as she'll have had experience with children in previous years who took a bit of persuading, but went along and had a fantastic time.

I think it's good for your daughter to understand is ok to change your mind. Many of us don't want to do things because we feel anxious. If someone decides to put their anxieties aside and do it anyone, this should be encouraged.

And as others have said, it really doesn't have to cost the earth. OP, when you go to the venue to watch them all go in, I'm pretty sure you'll be glad she went. It really is a special thing to see all the kids dressed up and looking so happy. You'll be so proud of her 😊

Samind · 09/05/2019 11:28

Agree with PP. False nails are couple of pounds. Can get cheap dress(I'm always on a budget these days) in primark, quiz and tk maxx/matalan usually have good selection at good prices. eBay do great stuff too.

Have you any relations that could maybe do her make up/hair? It is a lot of fuss and I can appreciate you're now under a bit of pressure but it'll be a great memory for her.

Dungeondragon15 · 09/05/2019 11:29

I think you're making too much of a fuss about it. Most girls do not have hair and make-up and nails done. It's just a glorified school disco after all. You can get a dress that is not too expensive and can be worn again what other events. I don't see what's wrong with a summer dress that she already has really. Some girls did that DC's prom. DD bought a dress for about £80 which she will wear again in the future.

Petalflowers · 09/05/2019 11:30

Look on the Next - on the webpage they have a clearance section with bargains.

Also, maybe see if a local college can do cheap hair and make up.

81Byerley · 09/05/2019 11:40

My great niece looked so beautiful at her prom. I messaged my niece to say so and received this reply:

I am very proud, I know what you mean....M did her own hair and nails and her friend had somebody come and do their make up for nothing !! Her dress was £29.99 from debenhams and the petticoat was £7 on ebay !! The shoes are primark £15 !! I think she looked stunning....no need to spend lots of money at all xx

M had her hair just as normal, with a sparkly slide in it from Claire's.

drspouse · 09/05/2019 11:42

Hair is not hard, it does not need to be different to normal.

You could look at some YouTube tutorials for makeup, then she can have a better idea of what she can cope with too.

Nails just need to be clean and tidy (if she is fussy about dresses, false nails will drive her mad).

Lllot5 · 09/05/2019 11:56

I’d be pissed off with the senco that’s for sure wants to mind her own business. Try to do hair nails make up yourself, sorry I know if you’re not used to it it’s difficult.
And maybe e bay or if someone you know went last year maybe you could borrow one. I’d be telling the senco straight though.

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