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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be the tiniest bit peeved about DD going to prom?

173 replies

Lifeandbeans · 09/05/2019 09:31

I know I am really but...

Dd has Sen and is not the best person socially. Big parties are her idea of hell and she doesn't mix much with others.
I did however offer her the chance of going to prom as it's a special time and she was absolutely set against it. Especially as it lands on an evening when she would be at an activity which she loves and won't miss for anything.

We arranged to use the money to do something nice with her instead and my Mum has booked her something.

I've been asking her for the last year and still been getting no. As the date started drawing closer I even said that due to the costs involved and the fact I'm a single Mum that if she was still saying no she couldn't just spring on me that she wanted to go last minute.
Still absolutely set on not going.
She hasn't even ordered the leavers hoodie as she just wanted to leave.

Yesterday she was having a chat with her (amazing ) support teacher about prom. She made it clear she wasn't going and the teacher has persuaded her to go!
So basically I've now got three weeks and one pay day now to try and book appointments for hair and nails and make up when most places are booked up already and find a dress and shoes and everything she needs plus the cost of the ticket etc for to sit uncomfortably for the evening because she won't dance or anything like that. She will most likely sit with her teacher.

I love the teacher but I'm a bit peeved if I'm honest that DD has been saying no for 12 months. That she was told to decide when the info came out and that she couldn't go back on it a couple of weeks before but that is exactly what has happened.
And I don't want to tell her no because all I'm going to have for the rest of my life is that I wouldn't let her go to prom!

OP posts:
Pythonesque · 09/05/2019 11:57

My 16 yr old has started wearing a little mascara for special occasions, probably a little lip balm, and that's it - at that age they look stunning with very little.

purpleboy · 09/05/2019 11:57

If you have Facebook, you could ask any 'friends' on there if they can do hair and make up, some may even be willing to do it for free or reduced rate.

Or could try local colleges or hair salons for trainees, they need people to practise on and can get these either super cheap or sometimes free.

We've got a mobile hairdresser coming she is only charging £20 per girl.

Turfaccountant · 09/05/2019 11:59

What size is she? My daughter wants to give her prom dress to someone who hasn't got one. I could get it in the post to you this afternoon

Langrish · 09/05/2019 12:05

Really can’t understand all of the ridiculous song and dance people make about this (though I’m speaking from the possibly envious position of parent of a teenager sitting GCSEs now who isn’t the least interested in going. He’s perfectly happy at school, sociable, good friends, just thinks it’s going to be “bloody awful” with stretched limos, ball gowns and and some of them are already planning the booze etc. they’re going to be sneaking in. It’ll end in years for several).
You told her she couldn’t change her mind at the last minute. Either stick to that or just get her ready at home. Cheap frock at TKMaxx (our daughter picked hers up at a charity shop a few years back, though it hadn’t all become quite so daft then). Why on earth does she need professional nails, make up, hair etc? I think they look pantomime damish on 16 year olds anyway, most people at that age look lovely au naturel, but that’s probably just me.

Langrish · 09/05/2019 12:07

End in tears, not years!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/05/2019 12:09

How lovely that MNers are offering to send dresses for this girl - MN at its best!

Missingstreetlife · 09/05/2019 12:10

Don't add to stress with nails and slap if she doesn't usually, take her lead. Perhaps she will regret if she doesn't go.

Boffing · 09/05/2019 12:13

crappywife and TheInvestigator that's so kind.

Original poster
Lifeandbeans · 09/05/2019 12:21

Thanks all.

I'm feeling a lot more reassured about this now. Maybe it's just near us that's crazy but they all look very made up on the pictures!
It's a small school but it is a state school so not sure why it's so over the top.
I can paint what's left of her nails or possibly get Primark stick on. That way if they drive her mad she can take them off. She can't wear heels so that's easy enough to pick up some cheap flats and she's got some earrings already.
I've been on YouTube and there's some prom hair on there I could probably have a go at!

The only make up I own is some given to me

When I asked people locally last night lots of people linked to places they recommended and the cheapest package was £99 and that was just make up and hair based. All of the packages included tan sprays which is crazy. She's not having a false tan!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifeandbeans · 09/05/2019 12:22

And thanks so much for the dress offers that's so very kind!

OP posts:
TabbyMumz · 09/05/2019 12:22

It doesn't have to be that expensive. You do get idiots spending 800 pound on a dress, but you can't tell them apart from dresses that cost about 50 pound. You also don't need to do anything special with hair or make-up. Most of the girls just have it straightened, with a nice clip. Go to Debenhams, you can get a good variety of prom dresses there

dreamyflower · 09/05/2019 12:24

What if you pay for everything and then she gets cold feet? That would be even worse. I would stick to your guns and pay for a treat you know she will do and enjoy.x

TabbyMumz · 09/05/2019 12:25

Plus the ones all fake tanned up with nails look ridiculous. I know girls who had the lot and spent 800 pound on a dress and they were only there for 3 hours. The dress will never be worn again.

bigbadbadger · 09/05/2019 12:25

I would honestly think less about the hair and make up and more about how she’ll get there, go in, who she will sit with etc. There is a significant risk she will spend a large portion of the evening alone if she is relying on the senco for company (she may well have duties) and it oculi be very isolating.
If she has a ‘best friend’ even one she finds annoying, can you check she is going and see how she is travelling?
Any dress, hairstyle and no make up is fine if she is comfortable and happy.

Drogosnextwife · 09/05/2019 12:27

I would talk to her and find out if she definitely wanted to go. If she still did I would just suck it up and let her go, and I think the whole prom carry on is ridiculous and didn't go to mine, but if it's going to make her happy 🤷

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 09/05/2019 12:31

Oh, support your daughter. Go on. How lovely!

But be strict - the money will as spent (as she agreed) so she’ll be foregoing the expensive stuff.

It could turn out positive - she might realise what a waste of money the car/make up/hair is, and would be a lovely mother-daughter bonding session to try out hair styles the weeks beforehand using YouTube.

Re make up: get her colour matched in Nars for some tinted moisturiser, and they’ll show her how to apply it. Buy some cheap mascara, cream blusher and lipstick and you’re done!

LoafofSellotape · 09/05/2019 12:35

There will be lots of kids dressed up to the nines but there will also be kids wearing pretty dresses as opposed to ball gowns.

I would go to a Boots No7 counter with her and explain you are looking for a mascara and a nice lipstick for your dd and let them help her choose- they do a colour matching thing.

Freshly washed hair and maybe up in a pretty slide or curled slightly?

Does she actually want her nails done?

Let her goSmile

whatwouldyoubelikeat28 · 09/05/2019 12:46

I think what bigbadbadger said is important - wil she have some lovely pals there? These events can drum in to socially isolated kids that they still are!
That said, even I had fun at mine!
Make up on young girls does not have to be professionally done - it looks a bit messed up in my opinion. You can probably get the whole lot you need for a tenner at boots - shimmery eyeshadow, mascara, lipgloss, maybe a bit of powder (if she gets shiny/red) or blusher (if she is very pale).
You two could practice a couple times with youtube videos over the coming weeks until you both feel happy with the look - it could be fun bonding for you both Smile

CateisLate · 09/05/2019 12:47

Bobbi Brown do a fab free teen makeover with no pressure to buy out.

whatwouldyoubelikeat28 · 09/05/2019 12:47

I mean the full on face of make up can look messed up on young girls - they really don't need it, simple is effective!

CateisLate · 09/05/2019 12:47

Buy owt not out!

BlueCornishPixie · 09/05/2019 12:57

If she really wants to go now, id encourage it.

Get a cheap dress from eBay or a charity shop, ASOS often has some lovely evening dresses in the sale or pretty little thing do cheap promy dresses.

Hair if you can you can curl and do half up half down, or something like that. Even just straight half up half down with a sparkly clip or something to hold it in place. Or a low bun can look really nice.

Makeup I would go to a make up counter, they will do at leasf base, someone like Bobbi Brown, or ask for a tester so you don't have to buy ester lauder did a nice base on me for similar, I didn't buy anything but did get a tester of foundation. They might do the whole thing but they will definitely do base and I would just add mascara, maybe a basic shimmery gold eyeshadow and some gloss/sheer lipstick. That will look lovely and done up for a 16 yr old.

Nails either Primark stick ons or paint them yourself.
We had loads of balls at uni and this was my go to: Primark nails, counter makeup which often if I said I was going to a ball they would just do the whole thing for free, (i did buy from them later but never at the time, i wouldnt worry as a one off, or buy a lipstick from them or something) hair curled and half up with a little clip. I always feel like it looks really good and no expense.

Original poster
Lifeandbeans · 09/05/2019 12:58

LoafofSellotape nails are the only thing she's asked for.

bigbadbadger it's a very small school so she does know everyone. I don't think anyone is unkind to her. She's even got people who would consider her a friend . I'm just not sure she realises that they are her friend Confused
There are definitely people who would sit with her . It's a small school anyway and the place they had it last year had long tables so lots sat together.

I actually know somewhere locally through work who would take her in a sports car for free but it's only two seats and no way would she go with someone in a car she doesn't know.

My Dad would take her (I don't drive)

OP posts:
KaliforniaDreamz · 09/05/2019 13:01

My DD (NOT) changes her mind all the time, but i am not sure i would stop her from going to a rite of passage event just to stick to my guns, or whatever, parenting is fluid.

get her a cheap dress/shoes on everything5pounds.com
do nails etc at home

let her go, as a PP said, life is short.

if she has a stressful time can she call and u collect?

KaliforniaDreamz · 09/05/2019 13:01

sorry i meant NT not NOT