Toddler screaming for help WWYD

[freetone]

Posting here for traffic. Just had the most heart wrenching experience of watching a small toddler screaming on the floor in the rain while her mother walked off. I stopped and watched from a distance to make sure the child was okay. The poor thing then proceeded to scream in my direction saying ‘help me please’. It was so hard not to go and pick the poor girl up. WWYD? My DD would not call out to strangers for help no matter what kind of tantrum was throwing. I’m worried for the child’s safety now! She was just screaming at her mum to pick her up and she was ignoring her. That’s all she wanted, it broke my heart

My two year old fell to the floor holding her face crying saying owww the other day.

The cat had walked passed her and his tail brushed her cheek.

She kept it up for a while saying that he'd hurt her and demanded I kiss it better.

My darling cherub used to scream at strangers for help with her arms stretched out towards them when she didn’t want to be in the pushchair. It prompted one man to say it was a good job that she looked so much like me. Toddlers are arseholes.

I was in John Lewis yesterday and heard the most dramatic tantrum. I was on the first floor. I heard it on that floor and could still hear it as the screamer was carried to the second, third and fourth floor. They can be loud and very dramatic. It’s hard to know what’s going on when we see a distressed child but generally the most common conclusion is the most likely.

To give another side - I have a male friend who is pretty non-nonsense, tough, northern type, not very good at communicating, but kind-hearted to the core.

He has a daughter who has a rare form of autism.

Daughter was about 3, and massively kicked off in a park, screaming and yelling at the top of her lungs that he was a "bad man" who shouldn't "touch her". It went on for an extended period, and someone called over a policeman who was passing - explanations and reassurances had to be given. At the time, the little girl hadn't been diagnosed, but both parents knew something was really, really wrong.

He went back to his car and, very uncharacteristically, burst into tears. Everyone concerned was just trying to do their best in an uncertain situation, no-one was mean or out of line, but it really upset him. I'm not saying that people shouldn't intervene, but just that at the other end of things there can be be someone who is going through something too.

No OP, picking up screaming toddlers whenever they choose is not what most parents do 😆. My second was a major tantrumer and throwing herself down on wet ground was a regular. I could not carry her for any distance but the one time i did attempt to pick her up (when she was tantruming because she wanted carried like the child in the OP) she then proceeded to thrash around shouting 'get off me, help, get off me' this did attract some concerned looks. From then on i stuck with the leaving her until she'd got over it. A toddler in this state is not reasonable and can come out with all sorts. Yes agree the screams can be distressing at though they were frequent enough for me that I was just 🙄🙄 by that point. She's 6 now and mostly a delight, I don't feel I've done her any lasting damage by not picking her up every time she demand

it is highly likely there is something untoward going on if they came from that area.

You lost me at this OP

My 3 year old will not go in a buggy but then will sometimes cry and demand to be carried. I will carry her a bit but she's bloody heavy so I can't do it for long or for as much as she likes.

downcasteyes are you talking about PDA? If so it's not rare, it's just not diagnosed in some counties very much.

My 3 year old had a tantrum a while ago and wouldnt leave the school ground. He screamed and screamed. When I went to pick him up, he tried to bite me, scratch my face and pull my hair. I put him back down on the ground to scream until it was over. It could be anything like this.

my eldest when he was about 2 would fall on the floor and repeatedly bang his head during a meltdown. it was awful, the more you tried to reason with him/ talk to him/interact the more he would scream and shout. i KNEW as his mother with lots of experience of him that you just needed to totally ignore him, Onlookers were probably tutting and thinking why didnt i shout at him to be quiet/pick him up/talk to him/give in/not give in etc.
I remember once a man coming up to me and saying that his son used to do that and he grew out of it,. there was no judgement, just a fellow parent saying they understood.
I've learnt that you can not judge anyone by a snap shot of what you see (of course unless they are whipping a small child or giving a child cigerettes etc!!)

I think I would probably have watched to just make sure the child was safe if I was genuinely worried. But like most of the other posters are saying- toddlers are awesome manipulators and you never know what has been happening previously.

Today when I was taking my son out of the swimming pool started tantruming, kicking and thrashing. I had to hold him away from my body so he didn't kick my stomach (pregnant). He then proceeded to bite me extremely hard on my shoulder, so put him down and walked away for a few minutes.
To anyone watching I would have looked very cruel and heartless...I am just trying to teach my shark-tooth son it's not OK to bite people.

When my sons was 3 he had a major tantrum because he had peas with his dinner but he wanted carrots. He then said was going to tell my mum of me, but as she lived several hundred miles away he couldn't get there on his own, so he had another tantrum because I wouldn't take him. I still remind him about now, he's 25.

Toddlers can be little shits OP, god love them, they can try the patience of a saint. When mid tantrum mine would come out with all kinds of crap, I learned quickly to just let them get the worst out of the way. I couldn't carry either of mine for the length of time they wanted (forever essentially), sometimes letting them get on with it and calm down, was better than physically dragging them along. Mine would scream 'help me' occasionally because I couldn't carry them to the car and they thats the only way they could see themselves getting there. So they would tantrum and scream for help (to get to the car) from strangers, usually because they were so tired/wound up.

This did remind me of the 'Macaroon Incident' from years ago on here, anyone else? Or am I showing my advanced MN addiction?

But she doesn't ask to be carried. She screams 'mummy Cuddle' which seems more emotional blackmail to me.

Oh my god, you are describing my son. He's 20 months and after a short burst of independence when he decided that he would not be carried ever under any circumstances, he has now changed his mind and decided walking is for chumps when there is a perfectly good parent to carry you.

Trying to walk round the supermarket with him I either have to force him into the trolley where he will sit wailing 'cuddle! cuddle!', walk round with him trailing after me wailing 'cuddle! cuddle!' or carry him while I push the trolley, in which case he is happy as larry because he got his own way.

I usually go with one of the first two options because the third is fucking ridiculous but I do see people looking at us sometimes like I am unbelievably cruel. DP once had a woman start addressing DS and sympathising with him, so he felt he had to pick him up to avoid the judgement. Parents can be judged for not comforting their obviously distressed child or they can raise a little brat who knows they can scream to get their own way. It's a lose lose.

Mine used to throw himself face down on the floor and scream “you are hurting me” every time he didn’t get what he wanted/he was tired/he saw a bird/I peeled his banana/ (insert random reason here). He once did this at the airport because I said no he wasn’t having the huge bag of Haribo at 7am. The only way he would stop was if I ignored it and pretended to walk away out of sight. I used to hide round lots of corners/trees. Picking him up or anybody giving him any attention at that point was the absolute worst thing to do as it would prolong the screaming/crying and turn it from a 5 minute tantrum into an hour or more of total nightmare. You have no idea what this woman has been dealing with in the previous hours/days/months. This could have been the child’s 25th tantrum that day. Stop with the judgey. If you were that concerned you should have gone asked her.

Did the OP hang around to make sure the mother came back and the child was OK. Checking her posts cannot see that she did.

i agree with a PP that its not the ones screaming and shouting you have to worry about. they are secure they they are loved and safe (unless they are physically being hurt at the time) but the ones who remain silent as they know if they 'show up' their mum and embarrass her they will get beaten when they get home. my mum just had to give me a look and i knew i was for it when we got home. These sorts of children learn very quickly that screaming and crying doesnt help.

My 3 yo DN does this after a fall. Insists on being carried but I can’t lift him any more as I’m pregnant and my back is shot to pieces as a result. As I normally can lift him (and am the only woman who can) he often will tantrum for ages to try and get his way; he even tells strangers that he needs help, or is sad, or needs to call the police . He’s usually perfectly fine after 5 minutes or a lolly pop.

So rather than actually helping and intervening you just posted on MN about it instead?

What ended up happening? Did the child get up and go over to it's mum? Did mum come back and get the child? Did you leave and don't know?

For what it's worth I have 2 prize winning tantrummers and agree with the majority of PP that this was an over dramatic toddler. But OP, if you are that highly qualified, that sure and that concerned, why didn't you fucking DO SOMETHING??

She also tells strangers she doesn't know who I am so I look like a child abductor when I do actually pick her up.

😁.

Oh fk I hope mine doesn't start doing that.

God help the next generation of parents from all the judgy people. So much narcissism and nosiness these days, probably a result of people living through social media.

Mind your own business OP. I fear what the world will become if children upset in public becomes the next taboo. I suppose sweet shop and toy store owners would become a lot richer.

Goddamnit BrieandChilli, your username makes me hungry every time!!

Found the macaroon incident! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/173383-dh-was-called-a-bully-in-b-q-yesterday?msgid=3607848

by Spidermama, about half way down the page

"Once my dd, who was about 5 at the time, was kicking off in Waitrose. Dh had taken her and her then 4 year old brother and they were misbehaving badly - grabbing stuff from the shelves, running away etc. Supermarket rebellion. DH then bought macaroons at the bakery and made it clear that those who misbehaved in the shop would NOT be allowed a macaroon in the car. DD carried on pushing bottles of wine, laughing maniacally (most unlike her).

So, when dh was packing the car, he followed through and refused to give her a macaroon but gave one to her brother. She went absolutely ballistic screaming at him. He had to put her in her car seat kicking and screaming. A well meaning onlooker called the police and said a man was kidnapping a 9 year old girl. She said the girl was shouting 'Help! Kidnap' ffs. My 5 year old dd had never even hear the word.

Anyway, the first I know of all this was the police at my door saying 'Are you the owner of a vehicle registration blah blah...? Is your husband or partner currently in possession of said vehicles with the children?' To my rising alarm. Obviously I thought there'd been an accident.

Then he got me to 'phone dh to check he really was with the kids. I did ... they were all in the swing park by now enjoying the sun. I was in my dressing gown with three police in my house including a detective. They were on walky talkies literally standing down the helicopers and saying, 'Yes.. I'm with the mother now .... we've established it seems to be a macaroon incident. Over ...'

The police apologised and said they had to take all these reports very seriously, which is understandable. DH was called home with the kids and the police were very nice to us.

That passer by was obviously not used to seeing a stroppy child kicking off. Kidnap fgs! I mean! "

Maybe your child psychology background is not helping because you’re seeing things through the lens of “worse case scenario”.

It’s like speaking to a consultant about childbirth and them telling you all the things that go wrong when the probability is quite low. But they tell you and scare you because that’s all they see.

I agree with the majority of posters on here, the terrible twos and emotional blackmail is how they get by on a daily basis.

My son would lie down on the floor in the supermarket and have a complete meltdown, I would ignore him and he would stop once he could see his behaviour was having no effect.

My daughter however was a completely different kettle of fish. During her terrible twos, for about a year, whenever she didn’t get her own way, she would have a pallid attack, which is like a faint, it scared the life out of me and her dad, her brother screeching that she was dead didn’t help much lol, but we didn’t parent any differently and certainly didn’t give in, and after about six of these attacks in all, she stopped doing it. She had all the checks on earth to see if there was a problem, all cane back clear, just that when she got emotional, she would faint!

My da