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AIBU?

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Original poster

Toddler screaming for help WWYD

287 replies

freetone · 08/05/2019 10:05

Posting here for traffic. Just had the most heart wrenching experience of watching a small toddler screaming on the floor in the rain while her mother walked off. I stopped and watched from a distance to make sure the child was okay. The poor thing then proceeded to scream in my direction saying ‘help me please’. It was so hard not to go and pick the poor girl up. WWYD? My DD would not call out to strangers for help no matter what kind of tantrum was throwing. I’m worried for the child’s safety now! She was just screaming at her mum to pick her up and she was ignoring her. That’s all she wanted, it broke my heartSad

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 08/05/2019 11:36

Me every morning to my two year old: “shall we take the pram on the school run?”

Child: “NO. I’M WALKING..”

Me: (trying to avoid a tantrum) OK, but you said that yesterday and I ended up carrying you. You’re very heavy and I can’t carry you all the way. Are you sure?

Child: “YES MUMMY I AM SURE.”

Child: (just far enough away from the house that we can’t go back) “CARRY ME MUMMMMYYYY.”

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 08/05/2019 11:36

Blimey. I hope you don't ever move near me OP. Whilst I appreciate what you are saying, I would be expecting you to call Social Services three times a day. DS (sensory issues, possible PDA profile) still has screaming abdabs aged 6 whenever:

he has to take a shower
school is mentioned
food did not come quickly enough/he ever has to wait for something
a label has made it through the cutting off labels regime
is told no more screen time

and also tantrums at the random

eg. it isn't Friday

It's exhausting and you would think he was being murdered.

teyem · 08/05/2019 11:38

My D's would insist on going places on his balance bike at two years old. Then he'd insist he didn't want to get back on it to come home. Then he'd want a carry.

It is hard as nails to carry a kid and a bike at the same time. I'd either be the mean mum making her kid ride the bike, the mean mum carrying the bike and insisting he stopped wailing on the floor and got up and walked or, for a few minutes at a time, the ridiculous Mum trying to precariously carry a kid and a bike.

I've been all shades of shit parent in an attempt to be a good parent.

Greencustard · 08/05/2019 11:38

Also my other ds, would say in front of strangers, ' don't beat me again' after a while I would just laugh because it was his thing which was extremely embarrassing

GrinGrinGrin I was babysitting my nephew one day, when his mum came back he told her "Mummy, Auntie Green battered lumps out of me", luckily she knew he was lying.

LetsGoMile · 08/05/2019 11:38

It’s a hard one, isn’t it? You have seen a snapshot of someone’s life and there is no way of knowing how much of that is representative of their daily lives. Maybe the child genuinely needed rescuing from an abusive parent or the mother needs to be applauded for not giving in to a tantrum (maybe 10th tantrum of that day). Young children can be
manipulative when they chose to. Reminds me of when my dd was 5 or 6. Our nanny went to collect her from school. DD told her teacher she doesn’t know the nanny. The teacher was new and had not met the nanny before. Nanny had to go to the school office so they can confirm she was allowed to collect dd. Funny thing was that nanny had my younger son with her. Teacher asked if dd knows the little boy with the nanny. Said yes that’s my brother. And actually I do know this person! Kids can be weird sometimes.

Hope no harm came to this child and that it was a normal ‘toddler kicking off & parent ignoring tantrum’ moment.

Damntheman · 08/05/2019 11:39

Wow. If I picked my daughter up every time she asked I would never be able to put her down. Ever. She won't walk unless I make her do it, this kind of thing is exactly what she would do if I said no and made her walk.

If you were that concerned OP then call social services and let them sort it out. But it was almost certainly just a mother attempting to teach her child that crying and yelling will not get her what she wants.

Persimmonn · 08/05/2019 11:39

I’m genuinely laughing at this. So the mum walked off and left the child screaming for help? And then you went and did the same thing?! 😂😂😂

What was the point of the thread? You’re as bad as the mother.

DistanceCall · 08/05/2019 11:44

The child was not tantruming, she was repeatedly asking to be picked up by her Mother. Nothing else.

That's a tantrum. Presumably she could walk. She preferred to be carried by her mother, her mother refused, and she was kicking up a fuss about it. That's not unsual.

Branleuse · 08/05/2019 11:46

poor child and her evil mother making her walk

Lumene · 08/05/2019 11:46

From what you have described I would have just thought there’s a toddler having a tantrum. But you were there and there may have been something you saw that flagged alarm bells, hard to say without observing the actual incident.

DonkeyHohtay · 08/05/2019 11:48

but I wouldn’t leave my 2yo ok the floor in the rain if she was wanting to be picked up.

As a one-off, no you wouldn't. But one of my kids just refused to walk anywhere, despite being perfectly able to do so, and there being nothing wrong with their legs. I would ache from lugging her around. And it gets to the stage where you're fed up, have had enough and they need to know that enough is enough. DD would regularly turn on the dramatics screaming "no no no mummy you hurt me please please please DON'T HURT ME MUMMY" not because she was in pain but because toddlers are manipulative little shits.

OP probably thinks I'm abusive because on one occasion, after being told several times to get undressed for hte bath and refusing, my other child was dumped in the bath fully clothed.

00100001 · 08/05/2019 11:49

" Apologies if I seemed snarky I’m just genuinely worried for this girl"

if you're so fucking worried about her, why didn't you do anything at the time?
You saw a child you genuinely though twas in distress and at risk, yet allowed the situation to continue... and now =the only thing you seem to want to do is some hand-wringing.

When you could have spoken to the child... You could have spoken to the mother asking if she was OK - most people go "tsk, kids hey? We've all been there!"

But no... pearl clutching and spouting how you're an expert will definitely help...

EffYouSeeKaye · 08/05/2019 11:49

This thread reads as though you have asked for opinions that you don’t actually want to hear. It’s done now, let it go.

MyBlueMoonbeam · 08/05/2019 11:51

Walking off and ignoring them is playing adult games with tiny growing brains

Yes - it is

thebabessavedme · 08/05/2019 11:52

oh blimey, we just had our 3yo dgs all weekend, there was the trantrum about me cutting up his apple, the trantrum the next day because I gave him a whole apple Hmm then the trantrum about not wanting to wear wellies, then the trantrum because I wouldnt let him jump in puddles in his good leather shoes, gordon bennett! it was just relentless, for two pins I would have let him lay in a puddle and get on with it! Grin (and gone to the pub) I dont judge a mother who tries (and occasionally fails)

Captaindaddydog · 08/05/2019 11:54

You still haven't said how long this went on for. Did you walk off and leave them to it? A genuinely concerned person would have waited to check that the child was alright.

DistanceCall · 08/05/2019 11:56

Walking off and ignoring them is playing adult games with tiny growing brains

No, it's setting boundaries. Which is a very healthy thing to do to tiny growing brains. Children need to hear "No".

ohwellstartagain · 08/05/2019 11:57

I'm sorry but thinking that a parent refusing to pick a toddler up is a cause for concern is batshit. It is perfectly normal for parents to walk away from tantruming toddlers - its a tactic to get a child to follow you. It stops working when the child realises that you will always come back.

You have no idea if that mother had been carrying the child for 20 mins and simply couldnt' carry her any longer - or if she had 2 miles to walk home and could not carry the child all the way,

Walking off and ignoring them is playing adult games with tiny growing brains

When the alternative is to pick up a child who will fight and scream and kick and hit out at you, why is that better?

00100001 · 08/05/2019 11:58

"Walking off and ignoring them is playing adult games with tiny growing brains"

OK, but when you give them attention or watch them tantrum they get more riled up.
Put a sulky-crying toddler in front of a mirror and they watch them, they pull all sorts of funny faces.

Often it is best to ignore them, wait for them to let it out, and then once they (and you) have calmed down, go and console them.

This way you're allowing them to express themselves.
Removing yourself from potentially losing your temper and making everything worse.
Coming back and reassuring them everything will be OK, but only when they've calmed down.

Think about when you're in a rage... does it help when the person your cross with interacts with you... or does it help more to remove yourself for a few moments/minutes, and then go back and talk to them/hug/whatever.

Damntheman · 08/05/2019 11:58

No, it's setting boundaries. Which is a very healthy thing to do to tiny growing brains. Children need to hear No

Yes this. Children need boundaries, children need to learn that screaming does not get them what they want. Giving attention to tantrums only makes it worse and more frequent.

nanbread · 08/05/2019 11:58

@escapade1234 I see what you're saying and would do this the majority of the time, but when I'm an hour into one of my toddler's meltdowns, or trying to eat breakfast before going to work, or I have another child to attend to, or need to be somewhere on time, there are lots of times I have to walk away, not give significant airtime to his feelings, or manhandle him into a buggy / carseat. And I've done this in public. So if someone saw me do that they (you) would make some pretty bad judgements

KingHenrysCodpiece · 08/05/2019 11:59

OP you would have thought I was the Devil incarnate if you had ever seen me in the park with my nephew when he was 3. He was very clever and was totally used to getting his own way. One day after being in the park for 2 hours it was time to leave and he wanted to play football. I said no. He then stood rooted to the spot screaming and shouting 'You're not my mummy, you can't take me away' and 'I don't know you, I dont want to go home with you' and 'Stop hurting me' at the top of his lungs. I literally dragged him out the park looking like a child abductor. I felt so embarrassed and scared someone would think I was stealing a child.

You cannot tell everything from a snapshot.

Nomorepies · 08/05/2019 12:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Mehaveit · 08/05/2019 12:03

I've had a hysterical toddler and another woman looked me in the eye and said 'can I help?' I said 'she's 2' and the woman nodded knowingly and left me to it. Perhaps next time you could offer the mum help rather than judging her from behind your keyboard.

ANewDawn10 · 08/05/2019 12:06

My ds at 2yo learned the phrase 'help me' and would scream and be dramatic. He would do it over silly things like he couldnt open a box, or wanted something high up.
Op you clearly dont have children or any experience of them.

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