Toddler TV snobbery

[Notmorewashing]

I have noticed on here and in real life people (mostly middle class) are snobs about letting 1-3ish year olds watch TV.
What do you think? I allow mine at times and when I was pregnant with a child already and then two children it was impossible not to. I think it’s ok as long as you do other activities but people gasp when I admitted doing this!!

DD is about to turn 2 and doesn’t watch any TV. We’ve never had a TV anyway (although will watch a decent series on the laptop etc) as we’ve always hated background TV.

That doesn’t mean I spend all day ‘entertaining’ her - I still have to cook / sort house bits out / clean / do gardening etc, and she is now pretty good at playing with her toys independently for short periods, or helping me out.

I’m not ‘lying’ that DD doesn’t have any screen time, and not trying to be competitive- it just doesn’t fit with our family and I think I would just find the noise of it irritating.

It’s funny as I was de facto raised by telly and DH comes from a tightly middle class background where telly was tightly controlled.

It's the exact opposite here, DH grew up watching loads of TV and I was barely allowed to watch any. All very anecdotal but DH is the most knowledgeable person I've ever met, holds the most incredible amount of information in his head and can remember things he learned from watching documentaries with his DF years ago. When we visit now we all sit together and watch telly together and chat and enjoy each others company. On the other hand from an early age I went to my room and read books and sat on my own. It wasn't like I was reading trash...mostly Jane Austen or the Brontes, but I can't say I really learned anything. I just read them again and again and I could easily have watched more tv and still been as well read. There's such a wealth of incredible TV out there, most of which is a more accessible introduction to subjects than some of the books out there. There's a place for everything and I think watching TV can be such a sociable thing to do.
Just watching Mr Tumble with 18 month old DS as it's bloody miserable outside. He watches way more than recommended, still way ahead on all milestones.

Rainy afternoon stuff we tend to do- puddle suit on and in the garden, baking, painting, play dough, garden centre, bike ride through puddles (DDs current favourite), make dinner together, reading, gluing.

I’m aware this is all much easier with just the one toddler though!

Not a snob but my child still, at 10, cannot sit through a television programme without being extremely irritating so unless it's a film we don't put the TV on. When she was very small, I used to put the TV on and she'd ignore it so it was totally pointless - all I wanted was a snooze in front of whatever inane drivel was on. I liked Ben & Holly's Kingdom more than she did.

The television is very underutilised in my house but to answer the OP's question - I would have loved to stick my child in front of the TV, I think as long as it's not all day, every day it's probably fine - especially when you want to get something done without a child underfoot.

My child has now discovered Duolingo so that takes up her time instead

The thing about restricting for children under three comes from a WHO report about obesity, but is based on little evidence. It would seem the recommendation is more to consider impact with regards to child www.theguardian.com/society/2019/apr/24/who-warning-children-screen-time

I think we’re unnecessarily anxious about screens. I’m sure when printing made books widely available there was angst about the brain rot of romantic novels (ref, Northanger Abbey).

I grew up without a tv from ages 6-13. I was a voracious reader, but I can also tolerate an astonishing amount of crap telly and I’m fairly addicted to my smartphone. I think people attach a moral weight to books and reading, that I’m not sure I quite support.

My 16 month old watches Hey Duggee, In The Night Garden and adores Moon and Me. He watches selected episodes of Star Trek Next Generation with his Dad (I say watches, he bimbles about whilst it’s in the background). He also likes looking at me playing Pokemon Go, or at least bobbing around to the music...

I may live to regret this all as he gets older, but right now he’d take going for a walk over tv. It’s just a part of everyday experience. As he gets older navigating screens becomes more complex - the effects of social media for example has more evidence to support harmful properties. But watching some telly is not damaging imo.

What's 'snobby' about not wanting your kids to watch tv? It's just a parenting choice, why are people equating it with class?

Mine does watch tele, btw.

People really need to drop their insecurities and get over this 'snobby' business.

I am not insecure it is definitely snobby to openly judge mothers who let their three young children watch TV in addition to other activities mentioned !!!

Not wanting your kids to watch tv / not owning a tv / severely restricting tv isn't snobby.

What's snobby, is the gasp and faux horror that the OP is referring to, when someone treats 10 minutes of In the Night Garden, like you tie your child in front of the TV "Clockwork Orange" style for 12 hours a day.

Your are snobby. You're judging people who don't watch tele. You're also judging people for being middle class.

Why?

Erm rainy day (I lived in a US city where we were often snowed in for days so I have a lot of practise): they have toys, they have books, they have each other. I will play this them, read to them, cook with them and then leave them to it. They are used to not having TV so they can entertain themselves for a long time. DS1 who is 7 can read and draw for hours. DS2 who is 2 will draw, play, come and chat with me, we will read togetjer, make lunch, tidy it away, do puzzles, he’ll be off to play on his own again. Put on some music and dance. If you and they are used to it, then that’s how it is. I don’t use TV for myself on rainy days. So we are all used to finding other forms of non screen entertainment.

Technology is amazing. Gaming/watching shit is not

Actually, gaming is pretty amazing. For both children and adults. It has many educational benefits, can be social and develops lots of skills.

Watching TV can be amazing too. Your "shit" is someone else's pleasure. We don't have to be constantly educating ourselves, every second of our waking hours. Sometimes people just want to sit and zone out while watching some "shit".

I feel sorry for all the children who seem to be the norm on Mumsnet where they don't get five minutes to themselves, or are forced into constant education. Children need down time. They need time to be bored, time to be creative and time to just be.

@gummygoddess - oh, yes, I can see how you'd enjoy it if you like nature documentaries. I don't, but only because David Attenborough was (literally) the only thing other than University Challenge and the Royal Society Christmas lectures that my parents let us watch as children. I got so bored!

I should have specified I suppose- the children are now 7 and 10, and yes in my opinion it is strict.

Yes you should have specified because they’re hardly toddlers are they. Not sure this example is relevant to this thread at all!

Sigh. If you'd managed to read to the end of my post you would have seen this: The family I mention has had the same rules in place since their children were toddlers.

So from actual experience of two different families, with two different approaches- one with strictly monitored screen time, one without- my opinion is that limiting screentime is not necessarily a valuable parenting tool, when it comes to how children grow up.

Look, I don't care whether anyone limits screentime or not. All I'm saying is that my opinion, based on experience, is that so long as other things are included (out in the fresh air, eating properly, educational targets met etc etc) then having more than 30 minutes a day allowed to watch TV isn't a bad thing. I'm confident in my choices; if others aren't and feel the need to follow guidelines, good for them.

It could also be that not watching TV has nothing to do with guidelines. Just how some people live their lives. We didn’t watch much TV except for sport and news before DC. We still don’t. And neither do they. What is has to do with snobbery, and guidelines and class is hard to extract form all this frothing.

Always been the case that people pretend their kids don't watch tv (or they don't watch either) but actually they have a tv and DVD player in the basement (years ago) / laptop with Netflix (now) they conveniently forget to mention. Middle class snobbery for sure. Limiting it is sensible but as long as all their other needs are met it's a valid part of the mix of entertainment especially when tired, dealing with other kids, pregnant, ill etc.

I think it is different to watch a programme with toddlers, rather than just having TV on in the background all the time. My sister does this. TV constantly on.

Now that reminds me of my brother, stucknoue.

For years he'd tell us his kids didn't watch any TV, and I believed him. When I had DD I got really into children's TV and was chatting to him about all my/DD's favourites, which (as it happens) we usually watch on my laptop, curled up together. 'Ah, we don't watch TV,' he replied, 'so mine only know about those programmes from the laptop'.

I mean, really. He's quite an intelligent man most of the time, but he claims genuinely to have believed that when people asked if his kids were allowed to watch TV, they were referring exclusively to the traditional device.

My db was really strict re his ds watching tv whereas I had a toddler followed by twins so was chilled/grateful for tv! Not saying there's a link but my dc are much better behaved than dnephew (who I adore but he is challenging). For me it's about balance.

My 7 month old is watching Netflix as I type this on the toilet. Sometimes he likes to watch line of duty.

the most sad ones are people who 'ban' certain kids shows as they offend their sensibilities, errr.... its not for you! kids TV clues inthe title!! it's supposed to filled with silliness, low brow churlish humor.... pretentiousness wankery at its finest.

That goes alongside people who ban anyone from talking in that sing song voice that is natural to use when talking to babies. Even though research shows it helps language development.

Oh, I beg to differ stay. It is definitely for me too!

If DD really loves something I hate, I do let her watch it, but it's immensely nicer when she likes the ones I like.

Can't be avoided like screen time they also do it in nursery so so long as it's part of a healthy lifestyle it's perfectly fine.

Mine watch it for an hour or so at the weekends when I need to get the food on. And for maybe 30 mins after school/preschool after homework is done whilst again I food prep.

I don't agree with nurseries doing it. That is lazy.