Friend badgering for money after I've just almost died. CF or am I being emotional?

[Februaryblooms]

I probably sound dramatic, I'm quite upset.

I came out of hospital yesterday after falling ill after childbirth. For context i contracted maternal sepsis from group A strep infection, i had a 1500 postpartum haemorrhage and was in for 9 days in total having transfusions, fluids and IV antibiotics. Newborn DD went through invasive testing and precautionary treatment before finally being given the all clear. For a time, DP thought he was going to lose us both.

It was extremely frightening, however me and DD are lucky to be home as of yesterday and im thankfully the slow road to recovery. I'm still very weak, anemic and quite traumatised as can be expected.

A friend who has been kept in the loop and knew how much I'm struggling has messaged me tonight asking me to lend them money. AIBU to be outraged that they'd even consider it given what I'm going through at the moment. They know about it all, including how traumatised/anxious i am now. I confided in then as much.

Am I being overly sensitive or is this absolutely shit behaviour?

I'd reply with, no I can't lend you any money any more. I'm tired, poorly and need time and space to recover.

Did you mean your EX- friend messaged you for money. Absolutely unbelievable, even if you had not had such a traumatic birth experience. You really really don't need people this thoughtless and grabby in your life right now

I'm so sorry you have been through such a rough time. I've been there and it is very scary. Hopefully you will start to improve mentally as well as physically soon. If you (or your DH) still find it difficult dealing with the trauma after a few weeks, please look up the birth trauma association - they have a very supportive face-book page where you can talk to people who have had similar experiences. - Good luck to your new family

Everybody knows that asking people for money constantly is a bad thing, even the pisstakers that do it. That's why they choose their targets carefully and pick on people who find it difficult to say no. They're not going up to everybody and asking for money because they know they'd be told to get lost.

She'll know she crossed a line, she'll just be wondering what she can get away with now and how to manipulate the OP back onside.

Still shocked at the number of people trying to downplay this and acting as if it's normal in a friendship to ask your friend for money after she nearly died and has a new baby to take care of. A friend would be thinking about what the OP needs and how to support her, not trying to take cash from her when she's so vulnerable.

I wouldn't reply at all,just ignore.

Hope you're on the mend soon.

"But if OP is capable of multiple posts on this thread, she’s capable of transferring money online."

"The point is she doesn't bloody want too. She wants a friend who can get her head out of her own arse and think about her friend and her baby who have been seriously ill in hospital and find what she do to help her. Not go asking for more money because she can't budget properly."

Exactly, @Clutterbugsmum!

I've just requested to join the birth trauma Facebook group, thank you for recommending it. It's hugely beneficial knowing I'm not alone and hearing from other people who can relate. I find it somewhat grounding to know that what I'm feeling is normal and I'm not in fact going mad!

I messaged her back saying "not ok at the moment no, finding it tough and need to recuperate as much as possible whilst i bond with baby"

She replied saying that I'm bound to be struggling and to take every day as it comes and try to relax.

She sounds convincingly sympathetic for somebody who was asking for money not 24 hours previous.

It's left a sour taste to be honest, primarily because of the backstory (constant requests and repeated bouts of being insensitive and a bit of an arse)

If this was the first time she showed such a lack of common decency I'd have brushed it off and just rolled my eyes as nobody is perfect and we can all be a bit thoughtless at times, but unfortunately it's very much typical of her.

God knows why she needed to spend 150 on a microwave, she likes to have the best of everything when it comes to electronics and things like that.

She's absolutely terrible at budgeting but won't hear of it so it's pointless trying to offer advise on budgeting, which I have done before.

There has been times she's complained at having barely any money for necessities yet splashed out on some unneseecary luxury that very same week

She has you to pay for necessities whilst she gets what she wants with her money. She's not bad at budgeting, she's good at borrowing money.

She sounds convincingly sympathetic but you know she isn't. Her true colours were trying to tap you for cash when you'd just left hospital.

So what she has asked (if the usual sort of amount) isn’t demanding almost any thinking time of you, and takes literally 10 seconds to do.

The OP doesn’t have to lend her money at all! Regardless of her situation. She isn’t a bank!

OP, this story is on metro. Sorry.

Jeez thats getting to be a real rag!.

metro.co.uk/2019/05/08/woman-who-almost-died-in-childbirth-asks-if-a-friend-badgering-her-for-money-is-being-unreasonable-9450806/

Well, suppose she'll get the message when she gets the bus home, OP.

Oh Jesus Christ that's all I need.

Thanks a bunch metro you bastards

Ah the metro man. That things all over the place.

Well, if she does read it she might not connect the dots or if she does she won't ask again. Maybe get the thread pulled.

Is the metro only on busses and trains in London?

She reads alot of news online so I think I'll have been rumbled soon

If she does see this, I'm sorry I didn't tell you directly how I felt. You know I don't do confrontation. Your timing did upset me and I hope you're not upset by the thread but instead took something away from it that perhaps needed to be said.

No. We have it on the Sheffield Supertrams.

And local trains in South Yorkshire

I’m starting to effing hate Mumsnet. Yes it’s a public forum but it’s supposed to be a place we can all support/debate/chat together.
All it is now is newspaper filler. It’s disgusting.

Don’t think I’ll be using it anymore and I’m sure many others feel the same.

Sorry to derail your thread OP, I hope you’re feeling better and CF friend hasn’t stressed you too much!

I can't believe a paper would want to run the story, it's not that interesting surely?

I know MN has a problem with the daily mail doing this, but it's the first time I've heard of the metro here.

Meh. It's done now, although I am cringing a bit..

No stress today, relatively relaxed actually.. just been getting ready for bed and found myself smiling. It's so lovely to be home with the DC. I'm really thankful things didn't turn out worse. Counting my blessings tonight

Counting my blessings tonight smile

And so you should Feb hope the litlte one is OK too as said you have been through a lot and I think you have a way to go yet but thus far its looking good:-)

Meh. It's done now, although I am cringing a bit.. That's OK

In cyberspace noone can see you cringe

Well fuck Metro for stealing content from a new mum who almost died.

What a shitty thing for them to do.

Honestly, February, what's sad is you apologising to this bitch for her rotten behaviour. She's no friend and not worth you.

Well fuck Metro for stealing content from a new mum who almost died.
What a shitty thing for them to do.

I agree.

OP friends stupidity aside, do not lend money to people. You have to be prepared for emergencies when you have kids. Maybe give your friend a Gail Vaz-Oxlade book. Preferably a previously used one!

February , you are a lovely person. Your so called friend doesn't deserve an apology. I hope you have a speedy recovery, enjoy all the squishy neeborn snuggles now you're home.

To any newspaper hoping to pinch this content , fuck off, stop being such lazy journalists.