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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend badgering for money after I've just almost died. CF or am I being emotional?

227 replies

Februaryblooms · 07/05/2019 21:50

I probably sound dramatic, I'm quite upset.

I came out of hospital yesterday after falling ill after childbirth. For context i contracted maternal sepsis from group A strep infection, i had a 1500 postpartum haemorrhage and was in for 9 days in total having transfusions, fluids and IV antibiotics. Newborn DD went through invasive testing and precautionary treatment before finally being given the all clear. For a time, DP thought he was going to lose us both.

It was extremely frightening, however me and DD are lucky to be home as of yesterday and im thankfully the slow road to recovery. I'm still very weak, anemic and quite traumatised as can be expected.

A friend who has been kept in the loop and knew how much I'm struggling has messaged me tonight asking me to lend them money. AIBU to be outraged that they'd even consider it given what I'm going through at the moment. They know about it all, including how traumatised/anxious i am now. I confided in then as much.

Am I being overly sensitive or is this absolutely shit behaviour? Sad

OP posts:
Lougle · 07/05/2019 22:20

You haven't been discharged from hospital because you are better. You have been discharged because you don't need round the clock medical care. There is a huge difference. Flowers

stucknoue · 07/05/2019 22:21

Don't lend her money from now on, she needs to learn

SachaStark · 07/05/2019 22:22

I’ve just clocked who you are, OP. I read your thread the other day, and just felt so sorry for you. You’ve been through an awful lot, and I really hope you are better soon. Been thinking of you on and off the last few days!

In regard to this thread: I had a friend who would do very similar, and used several of us for borrowing money, despite earning more than us, alongside being generally very self-centred. I binned her off permanently when she didn’t like me getting attention in the run up to my wedding by pretending alternately that she was being scanned for a brain tumour, or unexpectedly pregnant by her fuck buddy. Neither was true. She also set the fire alarm off right as I was in the middle of getting dressed on my actual wedding day Hmm

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/05/2019 22:22

@Februaryblooms - I think you had an earlier thread, while you were still in hospital - if that was you, then I think I was on your thread - I am very glad to hear that you are both back home, and you are recovering.

This ‘friend’ has all the sensitivity and thoughtfulness of a house brick!

I would be very tempted to reply:

“You know I have just got out of hospital, how sick I was, everything that both dd and I went through - and your first message to me when I get home is to ask for money? Are you for real?”

horizontalis · 07/05/2019 22:24

You need to get your DP to deal with this for you, and to put his foot down rather firmly on your behalf.

Does he know that she's been on to you cadging for money?

Ellisandra · 07/05/2019 22:24

I don’t think it’s that big a deal actually.

Much as I wouldn’t want a friend who constantly borrowed money, your actions have always shown that you don’t mind. She asks, you’re happy to lend, she always pays it back.

You mention you transfer it... on my phone, I can do that to a regular payee in under 10 seconds. You’re obviously using your phone despite being in recovery, as you got her message - and you said you’ve kept her updated.

So what she has asked (if the usual sort of amount) isn’t demanding almost any thinking time of you, and takes literally 10 seconds to do.

Yeah, I think she could have waited as you’re only just home. But given the previous relationship with her that you shown is OK, I don’t think this is that big an ask.

The timing is off - but it’s pointless posters (and OP, really) saying ages cheeky for borrowing money, because OP has always signalled to her that it’s fine to do so.

I’m glad you’re home OP! Don’t stress about this situation.

Bringbackthestripes · 07/05/2019 22:24

She's sent me another message saying give the kids a hug from her

You didn’t answer her so she has messaged so your phone pings again to make sure you see the money message probably.

Sorry for your awful experience. Rest as much as you can, don’t worry about being up and about. Just take it slow. I hope you feel better soon Flowers

PJMasksAreOnTheirWay · 07/05/2019 22:26

Don’t give her the money now and don’t lend her money ever again.

Paddington68 · 07/05/2019 22:26

Tell her to fuck off and then fuck off some more.

JazzersMaw · 07/05/2019 22:32

Just a simple reply ‘No, that’s not possible’ sounds about right. If she doesn’t like that she’s not a friend. Only you know if there’s history of lending money, etc. in which case she’s maybe just being stupid or thoughtless. I’m glad you and your baby are home now - it all sounds very traumatic. It’s a huge thing to get your head around. I wish you well.

Katastrophy · 07/05/2019 22:33

Just out of interest OP, how much did she want to borrow? Please do not lend her anything and get rid asap. Have a speedy recovery Flowers.

Cobblersandhogwash · 07/05/2019 22:34

@Ellisandra the timing is off. That is all? 😂 Gosh.

Op, sack your friend.

Gazelda · 07/05/2019 22:36

I'd hand this one to DP to handle. He should message her that he doesn't want her contacting you any more unless it is in genuine friendship and out of concern for you. You are starting to recover from a frightening ordeal and need to concentrate on nothing other than your health and your baby. He could soften if by saying that he's sure it was just a thoughtless text, but he's sure she understands your priorities lie with your family right now

Best wishes to you.

VimFuego101 · 07/05/2019 22:36

I'd just reply 'I'm fine, slowly recovering, thanks for asking' and then block.

Original poster
Februaryblooms · 07/05/2019 22:37

Those who recognised my previous thread yes that was me, thank you for the kind well wishes they're most appreciated

She wanted to borrow 20 pounds. It's not a huge sum and I would have gotten it back but it's just the timing which has upset me

OP posts:
BMW6 · 07/05/2019 22:39

Totally agree with pp that she is taking the piss. Don't respond at all, unless it's to say "are you fucking well kidding me you self centred wanker".

Original poster
Februaryblooms · 07/05/2019 22:43

She has been asking how I am, but she's thoughtless in other ways.

Example: she asked how DD was whilst in the hospital and when I told her what was going on (things were uncertain then) she switched the subject and started telling me about how she's making cocktails using X, Y & Z.

Some may say she was trying to take my mind off things but knowing her like I do, I don't think that was the case.

She spends alot of time on her phone messaging people out of boredom, I do doubt she was as concerned as she says she was.

She can be lovely but very self centered too. It's a 50/50 split most of the time.

She also tries to "one up" people. She knew I wasn't sleeping well in the hospital so made a point of saying what a bad night she'd had. It's just little things but they all add up Sad

OP posts:
Likethebattle · 07/05/2019 22:45

I’d reply ‘thanks for the laugh.,.i assume that was a joke!’

tolerable · 07/05/2019 22:45

its insensitive,but desperate times leads to desperate measures.depends if you feel she doesnt care or is utterly stuck.congratulations.youve sure had a tough wee while,all the best xxx

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 07/05/2019 22:45

Please don't give her any money. Don't respond to her either.

Original poster
Februaryblooms · 07/05/2019 22:49

Haven't sent any money and haven't responded yet. I haven't told DP because he'd likely tell her to fuck right off and I don't fancy dealing with the subsequent drama tonight

OP posts:
Chocmallows · 07/05/2019 22:50

She is a user, someone who sucks up time and attention, but it's all about her and not about valuing others. Take care of yourself and your family and focus on the people who really care.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/05/2019 22:52

Oh gosh, just rest and recover, as slowly as it takes. I think you have to accept you'll be busy recuperating for a while and let quite a lot of things - like this - wash over you.

Don't feel you have to respond to things, or do things, in any sort of normal way. You'll have plenty of time to re-connect with people, the worthwhile ones, later.

Big congrats on your baby Flowers

zen1 · 07/05/2019 22:53

She’s not a friend, she’s just using you as a cash cow. Please take care of yourself and your new baby and get this person out of your life.

outvoid · 07/05/2019 22:54

Dear god, what a selfish bitch. Please make sure you block them, that is not a friend whatsoever.

So pleased you and DD are ok Flowers.