To ask if you would have a baby at 38?

[quietmoon]

I am 38 years old. In a long term stable relationship. I have a 20 year old DS at university. My partner wants a baby next year and whilst I am not against it and do worry that I'll regret it if I don't. I'm also knackered and just want a quiet, somewhat carefree, responsibilty free future to do whatever the heck I like.

Would you start again at 38?

A baby at 38 is fine, I was 37 when I had my second. But do you want to do it all again is the main question?

I think my reservation would be more around starting again so to speak, rather than having a baby at 38.

I'm 38, I'd like to. I had my first at 30. Unfortunately miscarriages and then a neonatal loss mean that I'm now older than I had planned, I wanted 3/4 year age gap. But it is what it is.

I definitely don't think (I hope!) 38 isn't too old. But it's seeing a child all the way to adulthood, then starting again with a baby. Only you can decide whether that's something you want to do, but the thing is babies and children are a lot of work, and spreading it out both makes things a bit easier (focusing on one child at a time, not obviously that you stop focusing on your adult child completely, but it's a different kind of energy) but also more drawn out. How did you like parenthood the first time round?

I had my first and only baby at 39. Would have loved to have him earlier but ivf and all that... The age gap of 20 years would bother me.

I'm the child in this situation. My mum had my siblings when she was 22 & 24, then became a widow at 39. She remarried and had me at 42, my dad didn't have children and wanted one. Mum says she didn't think about it very deeply.

The only thing she did agonise over was potential disability in me and that I could become a burden on my siblings. She had the amniocentesis test.

My mum tells me she really enjoyed motherhood the 2nd time, she was pretty relaxed about everything. I had to just slot into the family.

I'm lucky to be close to my siblings and my nephew's and neices. I'm very close to my mum, it was just the 2 if us in my teenage years. She's 82 now and luckily still fit and mentally agile. The only downside is she's an older granny to my kids. They think she's awesome.

I'm not sure I'd want to do it again, I'm happily finished with my 2 at 39, but I'm glad my mum did.

No way.

Absolutely not. I’m 38 and also have a nearly 20 year old at uni, plus a 16 year old and a 8 year. I would feel old and knackered having another now.

@RedInTheFaceGirl , what a lovely post from the "other side". I love the sound of your mum.

I had my Ds at 36 but he is my first . I agree are you up for the whole process again. Why next year aswell?

I had my first at 38 second 40. No problems at all.

If I wanted one I would. Its not my age stopping me its the simple fact.
I just don't want any more.
Once I had dd I never had the maternal urge to have any more children. Don't get me wrong. If I got caught I'd have it and I don't doubt I'd be thrilled to bits once it was here.
I'm 43 so hopefully in a few years I'll be looking forward to GCs.

I would have had another one at 41

God no, not if I already had an adult child. If I hadn't have had a child by then I would.

Yup, I had one at 37 and tbh don't feel much older than I did 10 years ago. Sure I'll feel it more in a decade or so but he's pretty worth it.

I’m 35 and single. I’d be overjoyed to have a baby at 38.

@quietmoon no need for apologies. By the time I am due to have our first (all being well), I will be 38. But that’s a totally different prospect from having had a child a long time ago and “starting again” as it were. I agree with PPs: really only you know. But I also agree with what some others have said: I think you already have some serious doubts and that alone should give you pause for thought.

I'm pregnant with my 2nd at 38 nearly 39 and thought at first this is yet another 'old mum' thread which make me feel rubbish, but I realised it's more about you having already had a child who's now grown up so you'd be going back to the baby period again. I have to say in your shoes I think I'd say no as you must be able to enjoy some freedom now having raised your child, and I don't think I'd want to go back and do it all again after so long. It doesn't sound like you're keen either. Children are wonderful but you deserve to have something for yourself too.

Definitely no for me, had last baby at 33 she is 10 now, eldest is 20. Time for some peace and quiet.

Yes!

No I wouldn't in your situation (or mine) why spend your entire fertile years raising children. You need some time to yourself. Don't have at child at the start and then at the end of of your fertile years. Get it over and done within one single window.

It is different for people who start their family at 38.

I did, she is a fab child

If it was my first child? Hell yes, always wanted to be a mother and time is running out at 38.

If I already had a 20yo child? HELL NO!

I had my 3rd at 41. He was unplanned after fertility treatment for the first two. I was very happy to be pregnant. He is now 8 and I often think how quiet my house would be without him.

Yes! I had my first at 36 and the second at 38. All seems to be going well. They're 18 and 16 now.

I would not. In fact my DH has just had a vasectomy to ensure that it doesn't happen. I was knackered enough being pregnant at 35.

My DD will be getting ready to start school when I'm 38. The idea of starting all over again with night feeds, endless nappies, sleepless nights, not to mention having to move because our house is just not big enough for two small kids, fills me with dread. My baby days are well and truly over.

I wouldn't have but at 38 I had a 9 year old, 6 year old twins and an alcoholic abusive husband that took me until I was 41 to leave! Only you know if it'll work. Good luck.