To ask if you would have a baby at 38?

[quietmoon]

I am 38 years old. In a long term stable relationship. I have a 20 year old DS at university. My partner wants a baby next year and whilst I am not against it and do worry that I'll regret it if I don't. I'm also knackered and just want a quiet, somewhat carefree, responsibilty free future to do whatever the heck I like.

Would you start again at 38?

I had baby 1 at 19, baby 2 at 37 and baby 3 at 39.

I'd have a baby at 38 if it was my first.

I wouldn't have a baby at 38 if I had an adult child already.

You are still young enough to really enjoy yourself, I wouldn't want to be giving up another two decades to child rearing after just completing two decades of child rearing.

I had my first at 33 and second at 38. I wasnt planning anymore but now I'm expecting my 3rd at 42. I still can get my head around starting all over again but I'm sure I'll manage.

No way, I had mine at 27 and 29 and it was bloody exhausting I can't imagine doing it a decade older! Loads of people do though so can't see why it would be an issue

It's not so much having a baby at 38 (which isn't at all unreasonable in and of itself), it's that you have been a parent for 20 years already and are just on the cusp of getting your life back and doing what you want for the first time since you were 18. So, in your position, no I couldn't have another baby - absolutely no way. And if sounds like you don't want to have one either, since you say I'm also knackered and just want a quiet, somewhat carefree, responsibilty free future to do whatever the heck I like.

I realise it would be hard to give up your relationship, but I'd rather that that going right back to the beginning again with pregnancy, baby, toddler and then 13 years of your life being ruled by school days/holidays. So, it's up to you, but no, I wouldn't do it. Live your life! You've been a mum since you were a teenager - now is your time to do what you want!

Hell no. I’m 38 now and am exhausted even though my last baby was born seven years ago.
I’ve seen a similar age gap first hand as my Mum had my youngest brother when she was 38, and I was 15. He’s 22 and it’s only now in her sixties that she’s getting the chance to do her own thing. She loved it though.

Anecdotes aside, the important question here is, what do you want, OP? Partner aside, would you like another child?

No way I can’t think of anything worse than having to cope with the menopause and a teen together.
Nor would I want to go back to weaning, potty training, soft play centres, then school runs, children friendly holidays, exam stress and general teen angst when I could be enjoying the peace, more disposable income and being able to put my wants first that comes with having adult children.

I am 38 I have a seven-year-old and a two-year-old

Id never not have them but definitely looking forward to being more free and being able to be more spontaneous, have more time for travel, for dh and I. There's no way I'd delay that further with another child at this age

I wonder if you're not being honest with your partner because you don't want the relationship to end. The fact is, you have not given even a hint of actually wanting another child.

Are you prepared to completely begin again from square one? Are you prepared to be the primary caregiver, because that will very likely be the case? Are you willing to put your career on hold and possibly affect your chances for promotion? Are you 100% ready and willing to be a single parent in the event your relationship breaks down? Would you be able to cope with a child with disabilities, a risk that is much greater given your age? What if your child does have severe disabilities, your relationship ends, and you are unable to return to work?

I am not meaning to sound dramatic, but my point is is that if you 're not 100% accepting of the above, you do not want another child. Fgs, do NOT have a child just to make a man happy. It is very easy for a man to ask you to have a baby. You will be the one to shoulder nearly all of the burden.

I'm 38. My youngest is only 5 (have 2 older DC) and I know I definitely don't want any more. I want to go back to less responsibility and more freedom. I would be distraught if I had to have another one now!

I had a baby at 38 and another one at 41 😄

Yes - but depends on your personal circumstances.
I had my children later in life, but was financially secure, on the way to the top of my career ladder and had travelled extensively before having them, and am able to keep travelling now they are older.

NO NO NO! I am early 20's and exhausted from DD and baby ! 🤣

No. I'm nearly 37 with 2 nearly teenagers, an 8 year old and 2 little ones. I was the oldest in the maternity ward when I had my youngest and I've been one of the older mums at baby groups, school etc. I had him unplanned at 32. I found the pregnancy and birth really hard and he was born early with significant special needs. I love him so much but there is no way I would have another one.

Absolutely not if I already had a 20 year old.

I don’t think it’s about your age (I had my first and only child at 43) but about going back to the baby stage when you already have a grown up child.

Btw my mum had me at 23, dsis 1 at 26 and dsis 2 at 40 - she loved it - but now st 67 she's still performing full time childcare to a baby and 4yr old - she's knackered, has no life and claims to be happy (my dad certainly isn't!!) It depends how you see it going forwards - it firmed my resolve not to have later life dc and not to lay myself down as full time childcare at any point.

I did. Would have loved to have my DD earlier but a combo of meeting DH later in life and it taking longer to conceive than we would have hoped means that I was a ftm at 38. Won't lie, the early days are exhausting but I can't imagine life without her now

Yes. I am 40 and still think of having dc3

I'm currently trying for a baby, I'm 42. I had my first baby at 18. Age wouldn't bother me one bit.

Just re-read you opening post, you started you want a ‘quiet, carefree future’ and you won’t get that if you have another child. And how will your 20 year old feel? I have a DS just going off to uni and I think it would be very tough for him to have to adapt to a baby at home.

Not a chance. But I had my kids at 20, 24 and 26, so at 38 they will be 18, 14 and 12 and I will not be interested in baby stuff! But if I didn’t have kids already there would do it.

Had my first at 32 and my second at 38. I'm no more knackered now (youngest is 2) than I was when I had my first. Personally I couldn't have contemplated having children any soon than I did - my 20s were spent doing all the hedonistic things young people are supposed to do. I was ready to settle down and become responsible in my 30s.

My son is 18. It's for that reason that I wouldn't have another. I'd feel like I'd given all my life to someone else. Much as I love my son, I have learnt to love my freedom now.

I had my 3rd at 38 (and my 4th at 41)! I wouldn’t let age get in your way if that’s what you want...

I wouldn't not try, but I wouldn't wait either. Get married and then try,
You may not manage to get pregnant anyway.