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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you would have a baby at 38?

459 replies

quietmoon · 06/05/2019 17:05

I am 38 years old. In a long term stable relationship. I have a 20 year old DS at university. My partner wants a baby next year and whilst I am not against it and do worry that I'll regret it if I don't. I'm also knackered and just want a quiet, somewhat carefree, responsibilty free future to do whatever the heck I like.

Would you start again at 38?

OP posts:
m00rfarm · 07/05/2019 18:02

I had my one and only aged 38 - it was no problem - relatively easy. But I do not think I would want to do it again 20 years on (obviously if I had my first a lot younger!)

IntoValhalla · 07/05/2019 18:02

Personally, no.
But that’s because I’ve had my DCs young. When I’m 38, I’ll have an 18yo, a 17yo, and a 15yo. Definitely not up for going back to nappies, breastfeeding and sharing my bed at that point!

manicmij · 07/05/2019 18:02

No way, whether I already had a 20 year old or not. New child would be 20 when you are 58. I had older parents and hated it. They did not have the energy or the inclination to be up with me on my interests etc. Your DP is being selfish.

JaneEyre07 · 07/05/2019 18:02

I had my DC young, my last was born when I was 27. Now I'm 48, and have 4 young grandchildren. I absolutely adore them but 24 hours with them leaves me so tired I feel like I'm walking through quicksand. I don't think the baby bit would be so bad, it's the teenage bit I'd dread being completely honest.

I'd also consider how your DS is going to feel about it all. Mine would genuinely be horrified at the idea, and in a few years time he may be sending grandkids your way!

Lovemusic33 · 07/05/2019 18:03

I’m 37 and wouldn’t have anymore, my dd’s are teenagers and I’m looking forward to freedom. I’m not sure I could start it all again now the finishing line is near.

Disfordarkchocolate · 07/05/2019 18:04

No!!

I've been doing this parenting thing for 28 years and it will be 4 more years till my youngest goes of to university. That's a very long time and while I adore my youngest I am very ready for less day to day parenting and more spontaneity.

mintich · 07/05/2019 18:04

Yes! I'm 38 with a 2 year old and a 6 month old, and will be trying for a third soon.

nopen · 07/05/2019 18:04

I did but it was a much wanted first and only.

I wouldn't if I was starting again!

DeniseRoyal · 07/05/2019 18:05

Not at all! I had dd at 37, and trying for number 2, and I'm 43 tomorrow 😃😃😃

diddl · 07/05/2019 18:05

No, not with a 20yr old.

How long have you been together & why next year?

Nofunkingworriesmate · 07/05/2019 18:06

I’m having second one at 45
But only have one if yo want one of course

Passenger42 · 07/05/2019 18:06

You will never know if your are able to have another child until you try. Your fertility might have changed in the last 20 years. You might find it's a great joy to have another baby which could be a girl. Also your partner might have a real strong desire to be a parent which could be very important. You may be free to do lots of things now your ds is at university but at 38 there are loads of women having a baby and you can enjoy this baby with your partner. I am a single parent and my urge to have a child was stronger than staying with an ex partner with grown up kids. Only you can decide but you must be committed to think about it and without trying for a baby you may have regrets or what if feelings. Good luck with your decision x

GloryHunter · 07/05/2019 18:07

I did Smile my others were 16, 14 and 11 - he's 18 now and off to university. He keeps us young.

LadyofMisrule · 07/05/2019 18:08

I had my first at 36 and my fourth at 42. It's not too bad, all things considered. It got easier when I accepted that I won't have a tidy house for the next 10 years, and am doomed to cross my legs every time I sneeze.

Bibijayne · 07/05/2019 18:09

Yes

PaintingOwls · 07/05/2019 18:09

I think you have to ask yourself how you would feel if your relationship broke down and you were left with a toddler/child to bring up alone. If you're fine with it, then go ahead.

Ibiza7 · 07/05/2019 18:09

I think it depends on your circumstances. We tried for more than 10 years, 11 miscarriages, 3 rounds of IVF and just when we'd given up along came my gorgeous daughter 8 weeks before my 40th birthday! I'm constantly being asked if we'll have more but we are so happy to have one healthy child and feel we're too old for more now. Especially when lots of the Mums in our class (KS2 YR5) are in their late 20's!!

sallyfox · 07/05/2019 18:10

Yes. I had all my children (all naturally-conceived), in my 40s:
daughter at 40 (planned to be home-birth, born in local hospital)
son at 42 (home birth)
son at 46 (home birth)
all extremely healthy and strong
Tiring, but I'm so happy I had them

Mitzimaybe · 07/05/2019 18:15

In your situation I would want reassurances from DP that apart from the initial maternity leave, all the childcare "hits" would be borne by him. Night waking. Part time working if necessary, school runs, taking time off if child is ill, plus all the mental load of keeping track of appointments, activities, and all the rest of it. If he won't commit to that then he's not sufficiently committed to having a child.

icanthelpyou · 07/05/2019 18:20

No

MrsCplus · 07/05/2019 18:21

I'm 29 now and I plan to wait 10 years and try again. I have 4 babies. My youngest is 6 month and eldest is 5. I want to extend my family but I also want to finish the degree I started when I was pregnant with number 2.

EllenMP · 07/05/2019 18:23

I had my last baby at 39 and am very happy I did. I didn’t find the experience in any way different from having a baby at 33. The only thing that would worry me, as a mum of three, is the demands an only child places on you in terms of entertaining them. But you had that experience already, so you know where you are with that. If you feel you would like to have another go for it! 38 is not too old at all.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 07/05/2019 18:24

Nope.no way
I nailed it the first time but even so the thought of dragging a cluttered nappy bag around and pushing a stroller whilst picking up the pulled off sock every two minutes absolutely fills me with dread. ...The endless showing of Dora and Thomas Tank, the guilt of doing something or other you know is shit parenting...

Blame the environmental crisis. It would be unfair on planet Earth ..

LyndzB · 07/05/2019 18:25

I would have my first at 38 no problem. But if I already had a 20 year old, like you, I would be looking forward to some downtime now.

Had my first at 30 so I had the benefit of my 20s for some freedom. Loving being a mum but I wouldn't have a child at both ends of the age spectrum if that makes sense!

Kungfupanda67 · 07/05/2019 18:26

I’m 26 with 3 kids - my mum often says I could have another in 10 years if I wanted to - but why?! My children are young, I’m spending my 20s and 30s raising them. Me and my husband are looking forward to being able to do what we want in our 40s.

However, it’s not really about anyone else is it? It’s whether you want a baby or not!

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