Boyfriend going to lunch with female colleague.

[boyfriendwhatsapp]

I posted on here a couple of weeks ago about my boyfriend. He had a conversation on WhatsApp with another woman that he then deleted, which set alarm bells ringing.

I’ve been monitoring the situation since, and another conversation appeared this morning. Basically I have gleaned from the conversation that they go for lunch together at work. He has never mentioned this colleague to me, and when I’ve asked him who he’s gone for lunch for he says, ‘nobody, I was on my own.’ She was quite flirty, putting all sad face emojis when he said he wouldn’t be in for lunch that day. He wasn’t flirty and replied quite matter of fact with her on this occasion, but the small part I saw of the deleted conversation was a bit flirty.

When we were discussing boundaries at the start of our relationship, I said I didn’t think it was appropriate for a man to take another woman out for sit down lunch/dinner, and pay for it. That I thought it was a bit weird and looks strange to outsiders as that’s something a typical couple would do. I was very clear with my opinion on it and he agreed with me. Now I’m concerned he’s basically agreed with me but now is lying and doing it behind my back anyway. As well as the deleted WhatsApp conversation with her previously, the whole thing just screams dodgy. Why lie about it? Maybe he is worried I’ll be paranoid when there’s nothing going on, but it’s even worse to lie and delete conversation?!

He is a lovely partner in all other regards though, perfect even. I’m not sure whether to confront him now or continue waiting and watching, as this may be something that is more serious than I know of at present.

Thankyou for taking the time to glean so much more from my posts than I ever wouid have thought possible.

So pathetic and really helpful to the OP who wanted opinions on her situation.

OP fucked off pages ago.

Don’t blame her!

really helpful to the OP who wanted opinions on her situation.

The OP got loads of pages of honest and helpful opinions. She didnt like what people had to say so fucked off. Whats the problem?

Also, for those going on about these so called flirty texts. Read the OP, she said he didnt send anything flirty, only the female colleague did. Keep in mind this is also from the pov of someone who is clearly paranoid anyway.

The deeply disingenuous are out in force on this thread, projecting their own irrelevant situations and friendships onto the OP.

So just because you have a male friend and / or go for lunch with a colleague (well done), the OP's DP can't be cheating..?

“Clearly paranoid.”

Thankyou for this most helpful diagnosis Dr Grey. All via the medium of the internet.

So the woman is sending flirty texts, the DP is not flirty yes but still not the dynamic you are all discussing with the usual platonic relationship. And more OP blaming.

If I saw flirty texts to my DP then I’d question it... if he lied I’d be really worried.

I actually don’t think the OP’s DP is up to anything but I do think it’a something to keep an eye on if a women in his office is sending flirty texts and they have lunch frequently. No flirty texts from her, lunch would be fine. Can’t you see how the situation is different from all the ones being described on here?

But lunch wouldn’t be fine. Apparently a sit down meal (didn’t know there was any other kind) is only for couples, according to OP.

@Kiltartan

They rarely do @Grey.

Ive noticed that with mumsnet. But i keep coming back as its so addiciting 😂

Anyway, i best go off and contact my male friends and tell them we need to stop our friendships as its inappropriate and disrespectful to our partners. I'll pass the memo to my DH too. See, i made the terrible mistake of just seeing these friends as just another person platonically and didnt think to consider how they are the opposite sex.

GreytExpectations

You'll be ok as long as you don't sit down to eat 😅

Well a few nerves have been hit on this thread, haven’t they?

Hmmm

As I said, very odd.

DecomposingComposers

Dont worry, i'll ensure all meals are had whilst standing and if not, i'll request a mutual chaperone 😂

As I said, very odd

Yes, i do find it very odd when an adult:
-Cant see past a person's genitals

• Finds men only interesting to speak to if atteacted to them
• See's any platonic Male-female friendships as innappropriate and disrespectful
• Believes women should refrain from being social with 1/2 the population if those men have wives/partners and vice versa

Yes, very odd indeed.

GreytExpectations

😂😂😂

I’ll have you know Dr Grey that I’m hosting a coffee morning on Friday. It will be semi sit-down, semi-standing in the style of a buffet. I did take the liberty of inviting the SAHD (I know some MN are particularly concerned about this demographic, especially in light of the OP’s “clear paranoia”). Anyway he declined. He’s from Saudi, FYI. Maybe he’s a bit shy. Should I WhatsApp him and ask him for lunch?

I’ll have you know Dr Grey

Please stop referring to me as that. It isnt my username and is goady.

Do people still have coffee mornings? You really have been abandoned in the 50s @silver.

He’s from Saudi, FYI

No really know why you felt the need to include this. More sweeping assumptions about people i expect?

@Alsohuman

Dont worry, its a modern one because they have invited a man from Saudi so are breaking gender AND cultural norms

“No really know why you felt the need to include this. More sweeping assumptions about people i expect?”

Feel welcome to visit my largely Middle Eastern neighbourhood of London any time you like to share your definitive guide to male and female friendships.

Be sure to let them know that everyone in Britain of all demographics, religions and cultures should basically mirror your ideas or shut up.

Anyway he declined.

Maybe he thought you were going to throw him over your hostess trolley and ravish him a la Victoria Wood, you know, what with you being a woman and him a man. Can't be too careful!