To have walked off and left DM in the cafe?

[ChinaBear]

Went out for coffee with DD 1yo and DM. DM had a toasted sandwich. I’m allergic to wheat but only if I ingest it. Even a crumb will make me ill. DD reached out for my coffee on the table and DM moved my cup away (which was unnecessary anyway as it was already out of DD’s reach). I asked her not to touch my cup when she has wheat crumbs on her hands because I’ll be poorly if it gets in my mouth.

A few minutes later she did exactly the same thing again and I said I’ve already asked you not to touch my cup with wheat on your hands! DD can’t reach my cup, I don’t need you to move it. Then she did it again! By which point I was getting angry and said STOP TOUCHING MY CUP YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME ILL!

The final time she picked my cup up by the rim and left visible crumbs from her fingers right where my mouth would touch the cup. So then I couldn’t drink it at all. I picked up DD and said What part of “don’t touch my cup do you not understand?!” And stormed out.

I’m utterly furious. A large coffee with syrup and cream is a rare expensive treat to have to throw it away. DH thinks I’ve been mean by storming out and leaving DM to get the bus home.

I would have lost my shit too op. Hope your day looks up.

Couldn’t u have cleaned it with a wipe or napkin? Bit embarrassing all round.

Why couldn't you have just left your cup where your mum considered it to be out of reach? She would have had no reason to interfere then.

Yadnbu is your dm one of those people who don't believe in food allergies

She sounds like a nightmare OP! I hate people that can’t follow instructions the first time round it’s so damn rude. Can’t believe you had to repeat yourself so much. Does she struggle with understanding things or is it just her personality?

Does your mum usually dismiss your allergy so obviously? I means he clearly doesn’t take it seriously. It’s quite bizarre to be asked to stop doing something three times and STILL do it again.

YANBU.

MrsSiriusBlack1 that’s not how cross contamination works! If something has touched wheat I can’t just wipe it and still eat it 🙄

Your mum was out of order. Once or twice at the most but you told her 3 separate times. Were you allergic as a child?

If she is your DM surely she is aware of your allergy and had to deal with it when you were young?

Having said that I eat lots of bread based foods and rarely have big crumbs all over my hands. Surely a quick wipe of the rim of your cup would have sufficed? She seems to have the best interests of your DD at heart here in not wanting her to be burned.

How does your allergy manifest itself?

Why couldn't you have just left your cup where your mum considered it to be out of reach?
It was a tiny 2 seat table so not much room. But I could have shoved the cup up my bum and DM would probably still try to move it when DD reached out for it.

Yanbu. What did she say each time you asked her not to touch it?

Were you allergic as a child? I’m wondering whether she’s one of those ‘it can’t be that serious’ allergy believers if she hasn’t seen the extent of it first hand

Sorry op. Wishing you a lovely relax and big fat coffee for later

To all of those saying to just give the cup a quick wipe. Allergies don't work this way. A quick wipe will usually still lead to a reaction.

Your own mum happily left crumbs knowing her adult child could have an allergic reaction? I don’t blame you for walking away I wouldn’t want contact with a relative who would do something like that to me either

Were you allergic as a child?
No I developed the allergy in my mid 20s so my parents never had to manage it. I’m now 40 and it’s got progressively worse.

How does your allergy manifest itself?
Redness on my face, vomiting and a tummy ache that lasts a few days.

If your allergy is that severe, you took a massive chance buying a cup of coffee in there in the first place.

YABU. Complete over reaction. Also if your allergy did not manifest when you were a child then maybe your DM may not take it seriously but her actions were caring for your DD. To make her take the bus home is outrageous, she must feel so hurt and humiliated

Does your mum usually dismiss your allergy so obviously?
She doesn’t listen or think. She frequently offers me things I can’t eat and when I say no I’m allergic, she goes Ahh yeah of course! As if she’d forgotten. When we first sat down in the cafe she offered me half of her sandwich 🙄

I think you were both being a bit unreasonable.

She was clearly not understanding your warnings, which is shit, but equally was trying to protect your kid from burning herself (kids can really suddenly lunge forward and grab things so I don't blame her for thinking that your child could get burned).

On the other hand, I wouldn't have shouted so aggressively and stormed out, leaving my mother to get a bus. I would've just left the coffee and wrapped things up quickly.

How do you manage at home? Do you not make sandwiches etc for your DD? I would think in any cafe there would be a high risk of coming into contact with wheat crumbs.

Getoffamycloud The DM was asked 3 times not to touch the cup. In those circumstances I would also be cross and do the same.

Walking out seems entirely proportionate to me. Once - forgivable mistake. Twice - pushing it. Three times - deliberate.

Only you know her, but it sounds to me like she was desperate to prove that your allergy is not as bad as you say it is 🙄 my mum would have been the same.
If you drunk your coffee and didn't react straight away she would forever bring up that time she left crumbs all over your cup and nothing happened so stop exaggerating 🙄

Also, I wouldn't necessarily trust the server/barista preparing/serving your coffee to be completely free of wheat traces...

Yanbu