Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP angry because I looked attractive last night

639 replies

ThisIsCheese · 06/05/2019 11:18

Not stealth boasting, this is genuinely what happened.
We went out last night, I made an effort and I’ll be honest I think I looked nice. Nice make up, my hair had gone just how I wanted it to, new outfit etc.
Met up with DP’s friends and there were a few couples I’d not met before. I’m 12 years younger than DP and there were a few jokey remarks of “you’ve done ok for yourself mate”.
Anyway we were having a lovely night until we were in one bar, the men had gone to get the drinks and I was approached by two men who were a bit drunk and were trying to chat me up. I didn’t respond and said I was there with my partner, I was stood with two of my DP’s friend’s wives who were finding this hilarious because they were using cheesy lines and trying to buy us all drinks. I laughed it off and carried on with my night.
Later on in another bar another guy tried to talk to me whilst I was stood with DP, I said I was with him and he shook his hand and left.
DP then got furious with me, said I was courting the attention (not sure how? I was just fucking stood there?!) and said I go out acting “like candy”, he then called me a slag and left.
We haven’t spoken since. I’m ignoring his calls because I’m so hurt by his behaviour.
We’ve been together for 4 years, we’re engaged and I’ve never given him any reason to think I’m interested in anyone else.

For what it’s worth I was wearing a full length jumpsuit so I wasn’t dressed with everything on show or anything. Not that it should make any difference, I should be able to wear whatever the hell I want.

AIBU to think this is a massive red flag? He sent me a text saying he’s sick of it and it happens whenever we go out and he’s fed up of “my behaviour”.

What do I do now?! I’m ignoring him for now but I’m not sure I can move past this. He’s never been like this before but he’s obviously been judging me for a while if that’s how he feels Sad

OP posts:
Gamble66 · 06/05/2019 12:07

I do think it's like DV being triggered often by pregnancy - when some men feal like they are secure - the mask slips!

AnnieMay100 · 06/05/2019 12:07

Please be careful if you continue this relationship he sounds possessive and controlling. Most men act proud their partner is beautiful and attracts attention, his behaviour and what he called you is disgraceful. I’d personally end the relationship and be glad you didn’t find out after you’d married him. If you let him think it’s ok to treat you like this imagine what he’s capable of and how he may treat you 10 years down the line/ when you have children/ any further nights out

CylindraceousNicholas · 06/05/2019 12:08

The men who approached you did nothing wrong, they found you attractive, tried to chat you up and left when you told them you weren't interested

Yep. I agree, they were perfectly pleasant men.

Are you angry enough to send a text saying that he's a pathetic twat and the men chatting you up last night had more manners and respect!? Maybe you would have had a better night out with them.

Smilingthru · 06/05/2019 12:08

Be grateful u found this out now! Hugs for you OP x

HollowTalk · 06/05/2019 12:09

Do you have a daughter? Can you imagine her getting dressed up to go out for the night and someone touching her inappropriately and his response, "Well, you shouldn't have been dressed like that"?

Spanielmadness · 06/05/2019 12:09

Saying you were ‘acting like candy’ is the issue here. He puts the onus for men’s behaviour on you. Also, this shows how he views women in general and I would say has a bearing on how he would behave if you are not there. If women are ‘like candy’ then surely men can’t be blamed for sneaking a taste, as it’s so delicious. I couldn’t trust him.
I’ve not said this before but end it with him.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 06/05/2019 12:09

He let his mask slip and you saw the real man for the first time.

You have a very small window of opportunity to get the hell out of there. Take it. I had a lucky escape from a similar man.

Run.

phoenixrosehere · 06/05/2019 12:10

That is a massive red flag.

My husband is 10/11 years older than me and has seen men try to chat me up from the moment we were dating. He has never been jealous of that and sees it as a compliment. To him, they’re seeing the same attractiveness he did and can’t fault them for that.

Has there been any other behaviour?

Waytooearly · 06/05/2019 12:10

Yes be grateful you found this out now.

Go cold turkey on him. Your future self will thank you.

Purplecatshopaholic · 06/05/2019 12:10

He called you a slag?? He criticised your 'behaviour' which consisted of talking to other people rather than him. This will only get worse OP as he gets more and more insecure. I am so sorry but I do really think this man needs to be binned or he will continue to do this to you and it may well escalate. Dont let him - you deserve better

Dontcomeinmygarden · 06/05/2019 12:11

He’s insecure and controlling OP. Calling you a slag?! God no, do not marry this twat.

CylindraceousNicholas · 06/05/2019 12:11

I had a partner who couldn't even handle a picture of me being posted on Facebook, of me and a group of friends at a birthday night out. The picture was of me, another female friend, and a male GAY friend from school - ex KNEW he was gay, knew there was more chance of this friend fancying him than me any day, but he still wasn't happy. I was standing too close to a male that want him anyway. He has a dick, the horrow!

Fucking wet flannel. (Not you)

mummmy2017 · 06/05/2019 12:12

I think this is guilt. He has done something... Asked someone and been knocked back, so is jealous that men ask you....
Not good.

clutterqu33n · 06/05/2019 12:12

I would guess that he feels you're invested enough in the relationship now that he can let his mask slip a bit.

^THIS

OP, at what stage are you re house purchase? can you speak to the solicitors? Can you pull out of the whole process?

Greeborising · 06/05/2019 12:12

Red flag 🚩 and then some!
He hasn’t even apologised for his appalling behaviour (not that that would make it any better of course)

Runforthehills754 · 06/05/2019 12:12

I agree with everyone else. My ex "P" started off in exactly the same way. Escalated to making sure I was fully covered at all times (arms and legs), to removing my phone because I was a "slag" and then finally locking me in.

Please be careful OP.

Plaintree · 06/05/2019 12:13

Just from reading the thread title I knew this was an abusive relationship. Red flags everywhere.

crochetandshit · 06/05/2019 12:13

You're in the process of buying a house?

Well he's played his hand a bit too early for him and just in time for you then.

MadeForThis · 06/05/2019 12:14

Well he has now confirmed your suspicion. He can get to fuck.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 06/05/2019 12:14

Oh OP. Don't walk from him, run. Please.
Cutting ties with his children, explaining to your children and pulling out of the house buying process will be a doddle compared to staying.
You have dodged a massive bullet, well done you. Brew Flowers

GCAcademic · 06/05/2019 12:14

That means putting on weight, wearing ill fitting clothes, no makeup, dropping your friends as you can't really socialize with anyone in case it upsets him, and not really looking or speaking to anyone other than your partner if you do go anywhere.

That will just give him something else to complain about. And it will all be the OP's fault when he has an affair because she's fat, dowdy and boring. You can't ever win with the kind of man that calls their partner a slag.

Planetian · 06/05/2019 12:15

He called you a “slag”?! Christ, that would be it for me. Disgusting man...

notoafternoontea · 06/05/2019 12:16

DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH OR MARRY THIS MAN. You are worth 100 of him. Show your children that.

AnnieCat84 · 06/05/2019 12:16

I can't believe he hasn't apologised or come back grovelling this morning!

Yes this is a red flag and I think you need to seriously consider whether you want to be moving in with someone like this! He should be proud that you're beautiful and happy to show you off, not call you a slag.

TheSmallAssassin · 06/05/2019 12:17

Please stop the house purchase, you can pull out, if you have to write off the expense of surveys etc then so be it, your future is more important.