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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my MIL is rude

204 replies

MrsMumm · 06/05/2019 10:51

Hiya, so I have recently come to the conclusion that my MIL is very rude. This is due to the fact that she ruined Christmas last year by dropping the turkey and blaming it on me. Then in March, it was my birthday, which she claimed to forget, and didn't turn up to the event. I was clearly upset that my husbands mother basically didn't give a damn about me. Now the latest event has put the nail in the coffin. My father in law, who she divorced about 2 years ago, recently had a heart attack while she was on holiday. She found out about it and was very upset on the phone, or so we thought. The next day she rang saying she had extended her holiday a further two weeks. My HIL was livid. How could a woman he's been with for 50 years turn her back on him like that. What should I do?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 06/05/2019 10:57

Your in-laws are divorced. Why on earth would she come back from holiday because he had a heart attack? She isn't his wife anymore.

Original poster
MrsMumm · 06/05/2019 11:00

Because they are still in contact and see each other regularly. Also, they were together 50 years, surely she should have more respect for him.

OP posts:
GertrudeCB · 06/05/2019 11:01

The Xmas & birthday things you have a point.
The exh situation- totally her call.

ThanosSavedMe · 06/05/2019 11:01

Why should she rush back for her dh?

ThanosSavedMe · 06/05/2019 11:02

Xh not dh

Original poster
MrsMumm · 06/05/2019 11:02

The Christmas situation ruined the day.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 06/05/2019 11:02

They are divorced, she doesnt have to rush home from her holiday if she doesn’t want to
You sound a bit needy and odd - and why do you think you need to do anything?

ThanosSavedMe · 06/05/2019 11:02

There is a reason why they are no longer married.

Original poster
MrsMumm · 06/05/2019 11:02

Sorry I'm new to mumsnet, just was told that dh means darling husband. Don't know any others

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMumm · 06/05/2019 11:03

Hopping I feel like she should have come back for the man she was with for 50 years

OP posts:
Ghanagirl · 06/05/2019 11:04

@MrsMumm
I don’t she should ruin her holiday on account of her ex.
Surely you and DH plus other children can rally round him.

ThanosSavedMe · 06/05/2019 11:04

You need to separate the issues.

You seem to be more upset about the fil and holiday thing than anything else. None of your business. They are divorced, she doesn’t have to come back. Doesn’t matter how long they were married, they aren’t now

ZoeWashburne · 06/05/2019 11:05

How can dropping a turkey 'ruin' christmas unless you have a complete meltdown over it? You all sound incredibly overdramatic. Mind your own business.

HolyMilkBoobiesBatman · 06/05/2019 11:06

Christmas and Birthday this sound unkind true.
But as other posters have said, he’s her ex husband, it isn’t her duty to rush to his bedside.

To answer your question ‘what should I do?’ You and your husband should focus your energies on helping your FIL recover and not waste time worrying about what other people do or don’t do.

Ghanagirl · 06/05/2019 11:06

@MrsMumm you’re over invested in PIL’s relationship.
More information needed re turkeygate...

ThanosSavedMe · 06/05/2019 11:06

THEY ARE DIVORCED

Original poster
MrsMumm · 06/05/2019 11:07

Because it was the main part of the meal!

OP posts:
livefornaps · 06/05/2019 11:09

Sorry but the image of the dropped turkey really made me laugh

octonoughtcake3 · 06/05/2019 11:09

Christmas Day was rude. People forget things - did she apologise? Surely your birthday happiness did not depend on your MIL turning up.

As for FIL - it’s totally her call. No one apart from them knows what happened in their relationship but they are not together now and it definitely isn’t her responsibility to look after FIL.

Even if your MIL can be rude on occasions, something most people can be guilty of at times, so what? What difference will it make to you

Ghanagirl · 06/05/2019 11:10

@MrsMumm
So just pick it up surely it didn’t fall onto pile of poop...

livefornaps · 06/05/2019 11:11

I know...! If the turkey's on the floor, just pick it up. . .! Hahaha

MustShowDH · 06/05/2019 11:13

What should you do?
Er, nothing.
Their relationship not your problem. You sound over invested and looking for reasons to back up your dislike of her.

Original poster
MrsMumm · 06/05/2019 11:14

It fell on to the floor, which is marble. The turkey was ruined.

OP posts:
fecketyfeck21 · 06/05/2019 11:14

turkeygate should now be something to laugh about, if you don't like mil don't have contact with her and as far as fil and HIS EX WIFE go that's none of your business, he's unfairly dragging you into it. most people aren't married for 50 odd years then divorce for no reason, there are two sides to every divorce, you don't appear to know either,nor is that you business either.
you really need to get on with your own life and stop being over invested in others.

HypatiaCade · 06/05/2019 11:16

Turkey gets dropped you take off the bits that hit the floor, cut up the rest, serve it and get on with it.... It's usually a bloody big bird... how does it ruin Christmas??

Not saying she wasn't a cow for blaming you, because she totally was. But I think it's a bit dramatic to say it ruined the day.