To be furious at my spineless dad?!

[LocoChanel]

I was attending a friends wedding yesterday 4 hours away from where I live, but only 15 minutes from where some of my family live. I was supposed to stay at my sisters after the wedding, as she was only a short drive away but at 4pm she text me and said she thinks they might have norovirus in the house as three of them were very ill from both ends. Being 29 weeks pregnant it obviously would be stupid for me to stay there given those circumstances. I didn't see her text until about 7.30pm, at which point I rang my dad and explained and asked if I could stay at his. He started to say yes of course, then I heard his wife in the background, he mumbled to wait a second and then said he'd call me back. I assumed all was ok but then at 8.30pm I get a text saying I can't stay as it wasn't pre-arranged. I text back and just said to not worry about clean sheets or tidy house, I was exhausted and would literally just need a bed or sofa to pass out on if at all possible, again he replies that his wife doesn't like plans that aren't pre-arranged and it won't be possible and apologising profusely. I didn't have anyone else in the area I could ask, and I didn't have enough money for a hotel so I just ended up starting the drive home and stopped for a few hours sleep in a couple of service stations.

AIBU to be so annoyed? I know it's not their fault that my sister was ill and that I couldn't afford a hotel, but the fact I literally heard him saying yes just to be told no by his wife has really wound me up. Who is that spineless they can't say to their partner that of course their child can stay even if it's not pre-arranged?

Mind you, most of MN won't even answer the door unless pre-booked.

Hope you are now OK, OP?

FrenchBoule - my parents haven't been in my life for a very long time excepting the the legal stuff 13 years ago. She got a friend to pretend to be a solicitor and it costs hundreds to get protections in place. I worry if she dies I'll feel guilty yet I'm scared to ever hear from her.
. It meant a lot for you to care enough to post. Thank you.

The whole ridiculousness of MN is played out on this thread. Its glaringly obvious the father is in a coercive and controlling relationship. IF it was a woman in the same boat, there would be a slew of weblinks and phone numbers to entice her away from the relationship but because its a man, he's weak and spineless.

It's ironically laughable really.

The O P doesn't like her SM, the SM is not obliged to have the OP under her roof. Bloody ridiculous if you ask me. But there you go, the OP set her stall out years ago and now favours wont be done. I don't think any party in this story come out of it well TBH.

IsYourGoogleBroken

But there you go, the OP set her stall out years ago and now favours wont be done.

I've just gone back and read all the OP's posts.

I do not see that OP has been nasty to SM, she stated she tried to be welcoming to start with but the SM wasn't having any of it, and in fact it looks like the nastiness has all originated from the SM. It's the SM who has refused to come for visits and family events, while the OP has said that while contact is minimal, she has at least tried to keep things friendly.

So I fail to see why you think the OP has been awful.

@SunshineCake, your parents sound horrendous, you sound lovely. You’ve done yourself proud by basically raising yourself without those selfish gits x

Whether the op gets on or not with the sm, it doesn't matter. The dad still owns his share in the house and given the circumstances and the fact that she is pregnant, 1 night wouldn't have killed any of them.
I would say that you're dad took an hour to ring back so maybe it shows he put up a battle. That being said, he should have unapologetically and firmly insisted you get to stay.
Going forward , what can you do. Sometimes in life you just cannot change a person's failings. Have it out with him , once vented decide for yourself what you want from him and boundaries needed, adjust your expectations and move on with a hurtful but realistic image of him and what part he plays in your life.
Horrible dad and equally horrible woman.

Um, his wife has the right to not be comfortable with uninvited guests, regardless it being her husbands child.

You're all being unreasonable, it has to be ok with BOTH of them not just the dad.

Have to say I totally disagree with the majority of PPs, especially remarks about not letting him see your child when it's born, etc.

FFS!

OP is an adult, who made plans to stay the night elsewhere and then when these plans broke down asked to stay the night at her Dad's. He said it wasn't convenient, but instead of making a safe and sensible alternative arrangement, like asking to borrow hotel money, she decides to drive home and stop at service stations when she needs a break - something I've done loads of times safely.

If she was that bothered, she could have parked her car outside her Dad's (or sister's) house and slept there all night.

I am really quite shocked that your own Dad would let you do that being a woman on your own and 29 weeks pregnant. I think he should be totally ashamed with himself. There are no excuses!

@Cruelstepmother so sleeping in a car outside her fathers house would be acceptable? Whilst he has a bed free in the house? Really? You'd feel comfortable with that? Wouldn't OP be seen as being really PA doing that, something she doesn't want perhaps? Why would she want to borrow money? She said that it was c. £200 that's a lot to some people. TBH even if they only had a soda to offer they should've done that. Also don't forget the dad said yes, the SM said no.

Interesting username.

Absolutely shocking behaviour

Agree with sending this text I would not “let this lie” he’ll think it was “not so bad” - it’s atrocious

“Dad, I had to drive 4 hours home last night. I’m 29 weeks pregnant, I was so exhausted I had to stop to sleep in my car in a service station. You really let me down, I’m so disappointed in you as a father”

And while I wouldn’t be going NC, I’d be reviewing my priorities and I would not be rushing to help him meet his new grandchild.

What an ass.
Ps even fleabags dad isn’t this spineless

I wonder how OPs dads relationship with his other daughter? Surely should have known that his daughters family had norovirus and that his pregnant daughter couldnt stay there???

OP
I sincerely hope you have had contact with your dad now. What he did was unforgivable. How terribly hurtful.

@Cruelstepmother OP's father wasn't willing to put his DD's welfare above his wife's convenience so how could he be trusted with the welfare of a baby? And yeah, interesting username....

How kind of you to say that @BandittoShipman.. I actually do feel I raised myself and came out as I did because of me and not the people "caring" for me. I was happier in the children's home but social services are obsessed with getting kids into family settings even when told by villagers the people are bad ones. And so they turned out to be. Hit, neglected, not fed, not clothed, abused.