To be furious at my spineless dad?!

[LocoChanel]

I was attending a friends wedding yesterday 4 hours away from where I live, but only 15 minutes from where some of my family live. I was supposed to stay at my sisters after the wedding, as she was only a short drive away but at 4pm she text me and said she thinks they might have norovirus in the house as three of them were very ill from both ends. Being 29 weeks pregnant it obviously would be stupid for me to stay there given those circumstances. I didn't see her text until about 7.30pm, at which point I rang my dad and explained and asked if I could stay at his. He started to say yes of course, then I heard his wife in the background, he mumbled to wait a second and then said he'd call me back. I assumed all was ok but then at 8.30pm I get a text saying I can't stay as it wasn't pre-arranged. I text back and just said to not worry about clean sheets or tidy house, I was exhausted and would literally just need a bed or sofa to pass out on if at all possible, again he replies that his wife doesn't like plans that aren't pre-arranged and it won't be possible and apologising profusely. I didn't have anyone else in the area I could ask, and I didn't have enough money for a hotel so I just ended up starting the drive home and stopped for a few hours sleep in a couple of service stations.

AIBU to be so annoyed? I know it's not their fault that my sister was ill and that I couldn't afford a hotel, but the fact I literally heard him saying yes just to be told no by his wife has really wound me up. Who is that spineless they can't say to their partner that of course their child can stay even if it's not pre-arranged?

Is Fleabag’s Dad your Dad? Yes he is spineless.

Remember this when you are choosing his nursing home
exactly, as you sow, so shall you reap

OP you should absolutely send the message a PP suggested. What have you got to lose? He has already shown you can't rely on him, but that message might just give him something to think about.

Fleabag dad would have paid for the hotel or driven her home.

@GelatinPowder

I get the point you are making about women not being worth more because they are carrying a baby, however, surely you can see that sleeping in a car at 29 weeks pregnant is a more desperate situation that doing so when not pregnant? It’s not a comfortable thing to do at the best of times but would be really difficult when pregnant.

YANBU, that’s really shocking. Is their house a rancid tip they are ashamed of or something? Totally unacceptable behaviour!

Oh so she was the OW, yep he's weak and selfish. I'd not be going out of my way to facilitate 'grandad' when your baby arrives (congratulations btw ) - he couldn't step up to care for his grandchild in utero so he can naff off if he thinks he can play happy families for facebook opportunities later on.

“There are threads on here that reveal many many people who don't like visitors at the best of times, and certainly not last minute guests.”

Yes, but not their own children, surely?

OP, I am so sorry. You must be exhausted. Incredibly hurtful behaviour by your Dad. I hope he is cringing in guilt and regret. I cannot believe he turned his stranded daughter away.

Do tell him how you had to get home and how you feel.

Sorry OP, but I agree with the majority on here. Your Dad's a spineless shit. I wouldn't bother telling him when his grandchild arrives.

Very cruel. Shame on him for putting his wife before his daughter and unborn Grandchild as well.

That's awful op. You deserve a better dad

My dad joined the spineless dad club six months after my mum died. I was 12, grieving and needing my mum.

We were having a day out with his new gf 'Jan'. I kept trying to hold his hand and couldn't understand why he kept pulling his hand away. Eventually he said 'Jan doesn't want me to hold your hand'. My heart broke into a million pieces at that moment .

Jan didnt last long but her legacy did. I've never forgotten that moment. I got to the age of 18, left home and started to drift away from him and have been nc for over 25 years now.

I'm one of those people who doesn't cope well with people in my house. But I'd have put you up in those circumstances... without hesitation.

I too would send @Skiptheskip's message.

My own dad was going out with a woman for a couple of years. She had two DS who lived with their dad and DSis and I lived with our DM. We all got on just fine. DSis and I were polite and well behaved when visiting (DF was very strict and very scary tbh) and DF's GF was polite and cordial back.

The day after DF and SM got married (DSis and I were 11/12 by then) we were suddenly no longer allowed to visit. We weren't allowed into their house yet her two boys had a bedroom each even though their visitations were EOW unlike our EW.
DF went along with this and saw us in secret. For a man who was a nasty violent bully when married to DM, his new wife had his balls in her purse.

Why my dad went along with her I will never know. It came to a head when DSis screamed at him to fuck off and never speak to us again when he phoned after a secret visit and bollocked us for accidentally leaving something in his car or something. Wicked SM is long gone now. I may ask DF what the fuck was he thinking one day. I doubt I'll get a proper answer.

My goodness don't ever let him visit the baby, what a bloody twat

I'd seriously be thinking about the amount of contact they will have with your baby. There's clearly a lack of empathy there.

I live in a tiny flat and I also don't cope with visitors, in that situation I would have insisted that my daughter stayed in the nearest hotel and I would have covered the entire cost of the hotel without a moment's hesitation.
no way would I have her sleeping in the car whilst it was in my power to do something to help, this is terrible but sadly I have seen it before when a parent gets a new partner 😔

Books that is heartbreaking.

My ex became a bit of a shit dad when his new girlfriend took against our daughter. Luckily the relationship didn’t last, and I hope she didn’t pick up on it.

But I was really disappointed in him. He has his faults but I thought he would put his daughter first.

And no way would I ever let them look after the baby unattended...

Books that is heartbreaking.

That's bloody ridiculous... I'm wondering what kind of woman is he married to that she can't even let her partners pregnant daughter sleep over and rest and be off again. Of course your dad was being spineless and his wife an arse.

YANBU your father needs to take a long hard look at himself. As well as his wife. I don’t think you have heard from him because he’s realised he’s out of order and / or his wife is putting pressure on him not to contact you. Either way it’s not great. Personally l wouldn’t bother to contact him anytime. I would let him chase you. Assuming you wish to speak to him of course. NC doesn’t seem that unreasonable. What does your sister make of it all?

Oh, it's so sad OP. It's so hurting. Your dad needs a lesson and please don't meet that cunt of his wife again. Both of them sound horrible and pity. His wife sounds like one of those horrible step mums and your dad thinks with his dick. Gosh, I would cut a contact with him, I feel that disgusted.

And no way would I ever let them look after the baby unattended

Wouldn't let them see the baby at all. They didn't care about pregnant OP so don't deserve to meet the grandchild anytime soon.

not prearranged? What a load of nonsense. Families don't do that to each other.

But they absolutely do on Mumsnet. Every other day there are threads on here about rellies turning up unannounced and the general consensus is that they’re CFs who should either be ignored or kept on the doorstep. So step-mum was only following the MN rules.

what a spiteful woman i was going to say maybe theyre hoarders and are embarrassed but that isnt the case and your updates are even worse

my df is like a different person with his wife-its like hes had a perosnality transplant nothing is done without her approval and he cant talk on the phone without her standing there listening

its like hes been possessed-anyway i do feel for you youre not the only one