To ask how to rectify my massive fuck up?

[Fuckinghelpme]

Long story short, I have depression and anxiety and I really don't like socialising too much, especially in big groups. I meet a friend for coffee once a week but that's really my limit.

Yesterday, one of my friends messages me about a big group meet up (mostly people I know but some not, there would be 9 or 10 people there) I really wouldn't be comfortable with that many people at once, especically as I don't know them all.

So I reply that I'd love to, yada yada but unfortunately I'm busy that day. I don't really talk to my friends about my mental health so couldn't have used that as an excuse

Until I realise 3 hours that she didn't specify a date!!!! She was just seeing if I was up for it at some point!
Fuck fuck fuck....

The message was on whatsapp and it has blue ticks so I know she read it, shes my closest friend and I don't want to lose her friendship! Im such a horrible person i know but please help

I know your gutted now but you have a had a lucky escape here and will see that one day.

She was never a friend if this is the way she is acting. Not only is she dismissing your mental health issues, she is now deliberately doing things that she knows will make you feel even worse. That is just unforgivable.

I'd message her and tell her that her behaviour is despicable and that you are happy to see her true colours. Tell her to never contact you again and then block. You don't need this shit.

If any mutual friends ask what's going on I'd be completely honest with them.

Gutted for you.

BUT

You can't lose what you never had.

She wasn't a good friend. Onwards and upwards! When you feel better, get out there and meet some genuine, lovely people. You've done the right thing in removing yourself from these groups.

tell her the truth, and have a good laugh about it. It is pretty funny, and no harm done either.

@Gth1234 sadly the friend hasn't found it funny and has reacted rather badly. Worth rtft.

@MyOtherProfile

I can't read 7 pages of stuff, but I am amazed. Not much of a mate, was she?

I'd message her one last time along the lines of:

I know you're upset and I won't bother you again if you don't want me too. But telling you I had mental health issues was one of the hardest things I've had to admit to anyone. I was hoping for a little bit of understanding and a bit of support to be honest. Really hope we can get our friendship back on track and I hope to hear from you soon.

No she really wasn't. She was horrible in the end.

I actually never read whole threads either. I do try and read the OPs posts though. You can get them to highlight so they are easy to spot only I have no idea how!

I can't read 7 pages of stuff, but I am amazed. Not much of a mate, was she?

Why can’t you? Or at least read the OP’s updates?

@Fuckinghelpme I'm so sorry she has done this . Similar happened to me about 10 years ago and I got thrown from a group as I couldn't go on a trip . 2 of the mutual friends still meet me but it's still a bit strained with one of them. I keep hearing about them doing this and that and it still hurts at times . But you will heal and feel better in time . There will be days you won't think about it and you will make other friends over time . Groups of friends can be very hard when you fall out with one . She does sound very heartless and I think you are better off without

I'd be replying to her "Have to say, whilst I admit I was wrong to not tell you my issues I'm having with my mental health straight away and say I was busy, I'm very disappointed in the way you are behaving. With so much mental health awareness out there just now, it's very sad that when I have opened up about what I'm going through and my struggles with socialosing, the person I thought was my close friend has shunned me anyway and made me think I likely was right to keep my issues hidden. Thanks for your support."

What a bitch she totally needs pulled up for the way she's treated you.

It might do your anxiety a whole load of good to be away from toxic people like her. I know it doesn't feel that way at the moment but it will help to surround yourself with people who add to your life, not take away. I hope you feel better soon.

She was never a friend if this is the way she is acting. Not only is she dismissing your mental health issues, she is now deliberately doing things that she knows will make you feel even worse. That is just unforgivable.

This she sounds like Regina George from mean girls ruling by fear and intimidation she doesn't seam like a nice person

Fucking hell, that's a terrible way to treat anyone but it's almost beyond belief that she would treat someone with MH issues that way. Especially as you had just opened up to her.

Hugs to you, OP

She’s really shown her true colours, I’m so sorry

Oh OP, I really feel for you. This is not your fault

Who behaves like that when someone's admitted to struggling with their mental health?!

She sounds self-centred and not at all like a friend.

Agree with @temporaryanonymity about staying away from toxic people. You don't need the stress, or that horrible knot in your stomach when her name pops up on your phone.

Ignore and perhaps try and meet the friend who messaged you instead?

She is a huge cockwomble

Ok. Things always seem worse to you that they do to the other person. In all honesty, she's probably thinking 'that's a bit strange' while you're sitting here panicking. I'm not saying this to downplay how you're feeling about it all but that's the reality.

The only real, plausible thing for you to say to her is the truth. I'd just message and say something along the lines of 'sorry I'm not able to make it. I've been feeling really down recently and have been to the GP about it, along with anxiety. I'd feel really uncomfortable coming along with a big group, especially since I don't know some of them. Would love to see you soon though, coffee/lunch maybe next week?'.

That's really the only type of thing you can reply, more lies is just going to make thing worse. I hope you get it sorted.

By the way, maybe look into a self help book about how to deal with anxiety, it'll have strategies on how to stop yourself worrying so much and how to cope - calmly and logically - when things like this do go wrong.

Sorry, I posted my previous reply without reading your subsequent messages. She sounds like the sort of person who you'd be better off not having in your life. Friends are meant to be there for one another, support one another etc....if she can't do any of these friend things, why do you want her as a friend? No company is better than horrible company that make you feel so crap about yourself.

I've been through a period where anxiety and depression left me with not many friends. In all honesty, my life was pretty s*. But I slowly but surely built my life up again. I practiced self care - long walks, getting massages, taking care of my appearance. I went back to uni. I just did what I wanted to do, not for friends or anyone else, but for me. And do you know what? My life is actually pretty good right now. I know it probably doesn't seem like it, but you will get there one day and you will be happy and content x

And now I've just found out from a mutual friend (who I know through her)

Well, at least you know that all the friends that you know through her aren't going to dump you, which was one of your worries.

I'm sorry not to have RTFT but I have read all your posts and skim-read replies. Sorry if this has been said and I've missed it, but if you've started some new medication your anxiety might get worse before it gets better. I know: great news. Not.

Also, you're catastrophising. Which is totally normal and really hard not to do. I can't tell you how not to do it; I can tell you it's normal. She might be worrying that you don't like her and that's why you didn't want to go to that event and also catastrophising which may be what is making her behave badly; all you know is how you feel inside and how she appears outside, if that makes sense and doesn't sound too woo-woo

Just try to remember that it is HER that has let YOU down. At a time you are struggling and needed understanding and support, she chose to make it about her.

10 years on from where you are now (I made one too many last minute cancellations), its really hard to accept and really sad but you will come out the other side knowing which friends are real and which ones aren't.

For now, big hugs.