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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him to go back at the 1850’s?

154 replies

Caffeineprincess · 04/05/2019 19:54

So my OH is getting more and more annoyed about the lack of service..

Backstory we have a DS, who is 2, and I work 4 days a week, from home but it still pretty full on. OH works full time and is on nights ATM.

He complains that I do not cook enough, that I should have food ready for him when ever he wants it.

Today I’m shattered, so I bought pizza, this is not good enough.

He said what’s the point of having a woman at home if I can’t have food now.

I do all childcare and housework and I do cook most days.

I told him to go back to the 1850s, as have had enough of this treatment

AIBU?

OP posts:
SihtricsHorseWitnere · 04/05/2019 21:36

Wow, Deft, we all bow to your superpowers. Hmm

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/05/2019 21:36

Deftandglory - you act like you're the only person in the whole world who has responsibilities Confused

DistanceCall · 04/05/2019 21:36

He said what’s the point of having a woman at home if I can’t have food now.

And you're with this prince among men because...?

Original poster
Caffeineprincess · 04/05/2019 21:36

@jinglinghisbells I am
However, he likes to climb on and get into everything, even with extensive childproofing he gets into mischief, so at this age I’d rather be up to supervise!

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/05/2019 21:38

Kids are easy.

Your kid might be, well done 👍

Original poster
Caffeineprincess · 04/05/2019 21:39

Well after sulking for the last few hours, he’s dragged his knuckles to the kitchen and put the pizza in the oven all by himself. Looks like I’ll need to brow one of @defs medals

OP posts:
Original poster
Caffeineprincess · 04/05/2019 21:39

Borrow even

OP posts:
leomama81 · 04/05/2019 21:39

@DeftandGlory nothing you are saying is making sense. OP IS talking about the issues with her partner, giving her a great amount of additional work which you have now said you don't have as you don't live with your partner Confused

Seems like you now realize how offensively you have come off and are backpedaling furiously.

Anyway, back to the actual point...

DistanceCall · 04/05/2019 21:40

OP, you don't need to question how much you work or how much you do at home or anything.

Any man who regards his wife as a home appliance (i.e. something that provides food, like a fridge or an oven) is a turd. I would let him know that a divorce is heading his way unless unless he mends his ways - and accepts that you are not in a culture that oppresses women - pronto.

GabsAlot · 04/05/2019 21:45

guess what i dont work and my dh can still do his own dinner if he has to-hes not incapable sod who thinks women are there to serve him

AbbyHammond · 04/05/2019 21:46

If DH spoke to me like that I would immediately stop doing anything for him.

Definitely no making sandwiches, eat tea with your DS don't cook his dinner, don't do any of his laundry or ironing or make any appointments for him, no errands, no cards or presents for his family.

See if he starts to appreciate all you do!

DeftandGlory · 04/05/2019 21:46

No I agree the point I was making about her partner. Op was talking about all her work. The point is without a partner it doesn’t feel resentful. It’s just what you do,

HavelockVetinari · 04/05/2019 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

stucknoue · 04/05/2019 21:58

Seriously, you need to realise that people don't change easily if at all, whilst it's possible with or without counselling you can get an agreeable split in household chores, his dinosaur attitude is going to be breeding resentment in him, potentially fed by family/friends in his community. I have a lot of Asian friends and many have very modern husbands who share childcare, housework and cooking but pretend to friends that they have a dutiful subservient wife at home and for image purposes the women go along with it, I tell them they are crazy, they tell me that i don't understand the pressure.

Think about what you want for the long term, and fo make sure you have a way out because this attitude too often turns out to not just be verbally complaining

DeftandGlory · 04/05/2019 21:58

CalmDownPacino Seriously out of order. I got binned when I told my partner was pregnant at 10 weeks. I have no truck with misogyny, thanks.
Which is why I despair of “having kids is such hard work” shit when in fact it’s women signing in up to stupid family dynamics ; blokes that are a lame,wonderful men that spend most of their weekends on bikes like children , massive mortgages, holidays to rubbish places.
Kids are easy. Having partners is the issue.

SeaWitchly · 04/05/2019 22:04

Only one question OP - is your DH by any chance a cyclist? Grin

But otherwise he does sound a complete nob irrespective of his sporting hobbies.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/05/2019 22:05

Sar so has it nailed
There is not a plethora of men aged 18-35 wandering the streets, starving to death, whilst wearing unwashed shirts, and carrying a decades worth of garbage around, as they've failed to ever find the bin. At some point before marriage / cohabitation, they coped!!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/05/2019 22:07

Op,what’s the plan going forward how do you want this to resolve
Have you and him talked this through?can he tolerate a conversation

DeftandGlory · 04/05/2019 22:13

I’m not a troll. But just to add for all those that think being capable around children is a black art. My birthing partner was a Shepherdess( given my child’s dad had scarpered). . So when I called her to say I was going into labour she was doing her kids tea, She did tea and bed and then had to go out and do the rounds of of all the ewes of which two lambed I believe. She then had to dive into the city and got to me by 5.30 am.
She looked after me and was back for the school run.
Again. It’s not hard work. It’s blokes that are the issue.

Noobcrumble · 04/05/2019 22:14

what’s the point of having a woman at home if I can’t have food now... Christ, I think this statement could go viral! Along with a cartoon of a caveman with the words in a think bubble standing over his Mrs whilst she rolls her eyes...

Erythronium · 04/05/2019 22:19

Why do you keep talking about yourself Deft? It's got nothing to do with what the OP is posting about.

nicenewdusters · 04/05/2019 22:26

My birthing partner was a Shepherdess Grin Grin

And your Health Visitor? Was she an astronaut? Let me guess. She rode round to see you at 5.30 am on her bike, having already spent the evening managing an inner city soup kitchen. After visiting you she rewired your house and relaid your patio, before returning home to cook tea for her 7 children.

But she didn't mind, because she was single and therefore not resentful. Oh to live in an Enid Blyton novel.

Original poster
Caffeineprincess · 04/05/2019 22:32

Well he’s decided he’s going out won’t tell me where or what time he will be back. Is being generally an arse. I’ve told him not to come back but I don’t think he will
Take me seriously.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/05/2019 22:41

Ok,on practical level
Are you Married Or cohabiting
is the accommodation in joint names. If it joint you or his sole name you can’t just lock him out. Even if a mn raver Rocks up advising change the locks etc
Joint or sole accounts

Ruru8thestars · 04/05/2019 22:48

I’d have had enough with that attitude - life would be easier without him