To tell him to go back at the 1850’s?

[Caffeineprincess]

So my OH is getting more and more annoyed about the lack of service..

Backstory we have a DS, who is 2, and I work 4 days a week, from home but it still pretty full on. OH works full time and is on nights ATM.

He complains that I do not cook enough, that I should have food ready for him when ever he wants it.

Today I’m shattered, so I bought pizza, this is not good enough.

He said what’s the point of having a woman at home if I can’t have food now.

I do all childcare and housework and I do cook most days.

I told him to go back to the 1850s, as have had enough of this treatment

AIBU?

So why wasnt he paying for ALL expenses on ALL dates if he wants a traditional set up.

This proves the points we have made on the "who should pay on dates" threads in the past dont you think @formerbabe

Quite a lot of men want to just take the bits of feminism that benefit them. Not many want to go halves on childcare + housework but loads seem to want to halves on date expenses.

She just calls him 'OH', may not even be married to him, so much for his traditional values.

I actually agree with blue55,everyone embarking on a serious relationship needs the big talk
Married or cohabitation
Finances shared or solo accounts
Children yes or no
Schools- faith or non denomination
Working - both FT , both PT or a sahp
Nursery/Cm or sahp

You need to talk to him if you're not prepared to simply walk. I don't mean just snap the occasional comment. Wait until ds is in bed, sit down and calmly explain that you are not his servant. Men have no automatic right to expect 'service' from women and whatever his 'culture' says, you're not putting up with it. You work too. You expect him to pull his own weight, or there is simply no benefit for you in this relationship and you will be leaving. His choice.

@HelenaDove

Yes definitely!

You’re at home he’s out and doing shit shifts. Just make him food. It won’t kill you.
Yes you’re working but it still gives you the freedom to be in your own house.
If you hate the dynamic go out and work like he does, One child is nothing. You can easily do a one child a job and the house. If you think you’re DP is a dick that’s another post though.

This is a fundamental part of his character. He won't change. The answer really was not to settle down and have kids with someone who holds deeply entrenched sexist views but obviously that ship has sailed. All you can do now is stop throwing good years after bad and get rid of him. Hopefully then your DC won't grow up with such an appalling example of how to treat women/how to be treated as a woman.

WHen dating I always paid my share
Now with dp I pay my share,whatever I ate.im veggie he’s not.my meats are cheaper

Why Deft? Why should she? What exactly is the benefit to women of keeping adult male children?

WHen dating I always paid my share
Now with dp I pay my share,whatever I ate.im veggie he’s not.my meals are cheaper

Send him to live with Deft, OP, she's obviously of the opinion is that your role is to make him food.

Seriously can't deal with these posts they make me so angry...

The freedom
To be at home?! I am so busy with work I barely have time for lunch most days. If @deft want to come and cook and do all
My childcare be my guest!

Deftandglory clearly followed OPs dinosaur DP through the time portal from 1850...

Here’s the deal about shift working.organisation and planning
Batch cook and take a portion out freezer in morning,or make sandwiches etc in advance
Take a multipack drinks into work,some nuts,just in case snacks
No you dont expect that Partner does it,if they do super- be grateful

What is the point of having a woman at home if you can't get food exactly when you want it?!?!

Please do not be the woman at home for this man any longer. LTB. Not just because it is unfair and you are unhappy, but because you have a child who will grow up to think that either it is acceptable to treat women like this, or it is acceptable to settle for a person who treats you like shit.

" one child is nothing"

Yeah? Well im child free by choice and beg to differ. I decided to give motherhood a swerve because i KNOW its hard work.

And also because of attitudes like yours Deft. I made that decision 25 years ago at 21 and i dont regret it.

im bloody grateful to those that have DC It means i dont get pressured to or have to.

I just read the jist to my DH. His response was fairly unprintable. You could be looking at irreconcilliable (sp) differences here.

Counselling? Negotiation?

But no dear, you don't get food on demand - here's the bloody kitchen, you're a grown adult, you want something other than what I feel able to provide - fill your boots.

I do make him sandwiches to take to work.

The point is...it’s not the effort. It’s the why should you bother making the effort.

As a single parent nanny I’d get up at 6.00 breast feed get my shit together and do my nanny job at 7 am. I’d do 3 breakfast and a school run. I’d work from home for my local council until my 12pm pick up from nursery do lunch and them go to school pick up and and do dinner for 5. Leave my job at 6pm and cook a nice meal for potential pattener ( now DH) at 8pm. The point being I still could manage a home and be self employed.
The difference was,.. no one was taking the piss.

"Deftandglory clearly followed OPs dinosaur DP through the time portal from 1850"

i wish the portal would close like it did in the final episode of Goodnight Sweetheart.

Too Many Of Them Getting Through.

He doesn't like you does he?

Does he appreciate the sandwiches or just expect you to do it?
It’s thoughtful and of course saves money.imo nice to eat own food

Here you go now, Deft [medal]

Deftandglory oooo heres your medal 👏🏅