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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him to go back at the 1850’s?

154 replies

Caffeineprincess · 04/05/2019 19:54

So my OH is getting more and more annoyed about the lack of service..

Backstory we have a DS, who is 2, and I work 4 days a week, from home but it still pretty full on. OH works full time and is on nights ATM.

He complains that I do not cook enough, that I should have food ready for him when ever he wants it.

Today I’m shattered, so I bought pizza, this is not good enough.

He said what’s the point of having a woman at home if I can’t have food now.

I do all childcare and housework and I do cook most days.

I told him to go back to the 1850s, as have had enough of this treatment

AIBU?

OP posts:
lablablab · 04/05/2019 20:57

Omg Deft is clearly batshit...

Working a full day as well as looking after a 2 year old and doing all the cleaning and cooking is a piece of piss apparently!

I couldn't manage all three in a day OP and even if you do, it must be such a struggle. Something's gotta give somewhere!

Erythronium · 04/05/2019 20:59

It's such a piece of piss the man isn't doing any of it. Now why is that?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/05/2019 21:00

HelenaDove - we could budge the portal opening to feed into a black hole so it's outer space's problem 😂

CalmDownPacino · 04/05/2019 21:00

It frightens me that women like Deft exist, with their blatant ingrained misogyny. They've done a wonderful job on us haven't they, these fucking men Angry

SignedUpJust4This · 04/05/2019 21:00

He thinks you r less than him.

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 04/05/2019 21:01

DH was a SAHD for years. Amazingly enough, I still managed to make my own sandwiches and feed myself and we worked together on food prep and chores. I was even an adult for a while living on my own before marrying and having kids and managed to feed myself and do all my lifework. On my own!

HelenaDove · 04/05/2019 21:04

ecumenical Grin

Halo84 · 04/05/2019 21:05

Don’t quit your job. Then you are completely reliant on him.

Justaboy · 04/05/2019 21:06

Was - he always like that Princess Caffine?.

DeftandGlory · 04/05/2019 21:07

Sorry, Wine! The point was it’s not the work. It’s the appreciation ,.,or pay off. Be the best housekeepiket, nanny, cook, whatever you can be. That makes you awesome. If you were a single parent that’s the standard.
Your partner is a separate issue. Is he being a twat? Are you both you realistic in your expectations?

Ated · 04/05/2019 21:08

He sounds like a real fool. I told my OH that it was to do what was necessary. Stay with the children or go to work or a combination of both. I just paid the bills, kept the garden and outside tidy and helped inside if asked.

Ellie56 · 04/05/2019 21:11

Are you for real @DeftandGlory? Hmm

Or maybe you are OP's OH?

Original poster
Caffeineprincess · 04/05/2019 21:12

No he’s got worse.

@deft I get up when our son does, at the moment it’s between 4.30/5 am everyday. Sort him out, then take him to nursery at 8 come home and am at my desk until 5pm, when I pick him up, then I clean, cook and prepare OHs lunch for the next day. So DS bedtime by 9 and then shortly after go I bed myself. On days I do not work, I go and do things with DS and do the bigger housework jobs. Don’t really think there’s much space for improvement.

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 04/05/2019 21:12

He said what’s the point of having a woman at home if I can’t have food now

My response to the above would be 'What's the point of having a man if he can't earn enough money so I don't have to work four days a week, plus do all housework and childcare?' That would be just before I kicked him out the front door.

Please don't stay with this neanderthal.

mbosnz · 04/05/2019 21:13

Deft, I would suggest, it's not the appreciation, it's the expectation.

If he expects, by virtue of wearing a penis, that he is due everything domestic being done to his standards, and his timeline, by the woman, then Houston, we have a problem.

Where's the pay-off for OP? What does she get out of it.

A pat on the head if she performs to expectation for being a good little woman?

Yeah, nah mate.

BrendasUmbrella · 04/05/2019 21:13

If you hate the dynamic go out and work like he does

Because then he'll magically start doing childcare and housework and cooking? No, she'll just have added a commute to her plate along with everything else.

Purpleartichoke · 04/05/2019 21:18

Work from home jobs are real jobs, just happen to be at home. Note how the oP has child care. That is because she is working to earn money.

Op, I would start focusing on caring for just yourself and your child. Don’t make his lunch. Don’t do his laundry. Make simple meals and if it is no trouble, make a portion for him too, but don’t fuss if dinner is something quick and easy that appeals to your child.

GabsAlot · 04/05/2019 21:18

whats the point of a man then if thats his case

fucking idiot

@helenadove did u not see the special a couple of years ago he came back through 16 years later!

watsmyname · 04/05/2019 21:18

😦

I think that you should stop contributing to family funds and save the money to leave and set up home with your son.

I would not be happy with my son thinking that that is a decent way to treat another human being. If you have only stayed together for your son it is likely that the home life will not lose a lot if you live separate but amicably.

IamWaggingBrenda · 04/05/2019 21:25

Ask him why you are having to go to work and earn money when you have a man in your life?

This. Grin

DeftandGlory · 04/05/2019 21:28

lablablab I take offence to that. I am far from batshit.

I’m a nanny. I ‘ve worked with children since I was 17. A bloody good nanny.
Having my own at 33 was a breeze . One child and a number of jobs is a piece of piss. And I got a dog so had to do 3 hrs of walks a day.on top.off.

My point was it’s about expectation.Anyone I met would fit with me.
I settled for a decent partner on a high tax bracket wage when mine was 6 months old..But I wouldn’t live with him. I live things my way.

JinglingHellsBells · 04/05/2019 21:32

Stop making him his packed lunch. He is a man not a baby. He can make his own .

Your child should have some toys or books to play with and not make you get up at 4.30am. Sorry but you need to work on this. Teach him to play by himself and not expect you to go to him until it's a sensible time of day.

scooter125 · 04/05/2019 21:33

Oh my days, sounds like the son-of-a-bitch needs a reality check! And then his marching orders!

sar302 · 04/05/2019 21:34

@SihtricsHorseWitnere You see, this is where I get confused too. There is not a plethora of men aged 18-35 wandering the streets, starving to death, whilst wearing unwashed shirts, and carrying a decades worth of garbage around, as they've failed to ever find the bin. At some point before marriage / cohabitation, they coped!!

DeftandGlory · 04/05/2019 21:36

What is wrong with you lot! All this “ you get a medal”.
That’s how people actually live...by working hard.

If having a baby is hard you need to ditch the partner, not the work. Kids are easy.

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