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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him to go back at the 1850’s?

154 replies

Caffeineprincess · 04/05/2019 19:54

So my OH is getting more and more annoyed about the lack of service..

Backstory we have a DS, who is 2, and I work 4 days a week, from home but it still pretty full on. OH works full time and is on nights ATM.

He complains that I do not cook enough, that I should have food ready for him when ever he wants it.

Today I’m shattered, so I bought pizza, this is not good enough.

He said what’s the point of having a woman at home if I can’t have food now.

I do all childcare and housework and I do cook most days.

I told him to go back to the 1850s, as have had enough of this treatment

AIBU?

OP posts:
kiki22 · 04/05/2019 20:20

Oh yeah tell him you have handed your notice in and he will need to work days as well so he can provide for his homemaker wife

nicenewdusters · 04/05/2019 20:21

Well I think it's no "service" from now on then. No food, drinks, sex, actually anything. Hopefully he'll starve to death and you can bury him under the patio.

roisinagusniamh · 04/05/2019 20:22

Why did you marry a cave man ?

HelenaDove · 04/05/2019 20:23

Can i ask a question. When you first started dating did you go halves on paying for the dates or did he insist on paying.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 04/05/2019 20:25

Tell him if he wants a 1950s housewife you'll hand your notice in when you're next in work. Obviously as the big manly provider he will have to make up the shortfall in earnings.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 04/05/2019 20:28

What a dickhead. I’d be going on strike immediately. And considering my next steps. Is this kind of dickheadery par for the course for him?

lablablab · 04/05/2019 20:28

You're doing all childcare and you're working 4 days a week... is he having a fucking laugh?!

I'd go on strike, no way I'd even press start on a microwave for his food or make him a cup of tea after that comment! Angry

Original poster
Caffeineprincess · 04/05/2019 20:28

To answer questions.

He is from a culture that oppresses women. I am not.

When we got together he paid for our first date then it was a mix.

It’s a bit of a loop, I say often I’m not the maid. He just comes back with that he works a lot. I guess my admin work and 24 hour childcare are easy tasks to him...

OP posts:
SihtricsHorseWitnere · 04/05/2019 20:30

What formerbabe said. Its funny how these men want a 1950s service................oh but wait with 2019 bits thrown in

This. I once dated a man like this. Said he was 'old-fashioned'. Bullshit. He wanted someone to wait on him whilst she also went out to 'earn her crust'. Fucked him off fast.

There'd be no more service from me.

FinallyHere · 04/05/2019 20:31

He sounds quite the catch.

nicenewdusters · 04/05/2019 20:31

Did you think he'd operate outside of his cultural norms after he'd met you?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/05/2019 20:31

ah He thinks ideological beliefs are a buffet,to be mixed any ole way
Bit of 1950s his dinner on table when he gets in,bit of 2019 your wages in the communal pot
You need to get this sorted he’s a div

NancyPickford · 04/05/2019 20:31

If he wants a traditional wife then you should quite your job and be provided for by your traditional husband. He's a knob.

ethelfleda · 04/05/2019 20:31

I would like to kick him in the face

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 04/05/2019 20:32

He'd be on the kerb. Don't give a fuck what culture he's from, he's here now. Funny how he's fine with women as skivvies but wants them to work for money, too.

NancyPickford · 04/05/2019 20:32

quit

SleepingSloth · 04/05/2019 20:32

I'd tell him that he changes his attitude or he's out.

You don't want your child thinking this crap is okay.

Yinderling · 04/05/2019 20:33

Culture is no excuse.my DH comes from a family where the norm is to hit women and do absolutely no childcare or housework. He does half of it all and would never hit me.

Missingstreetlife · 04/05/2019 20:33

Make a big pot of soup or stew and leave it on the stove. Tell him to help himself. He'll be fed up after day 3 if not before. Show him the tin opener

mbosnz · 04/05/2019 20:34

So, he's found the best of both worlds, and you've got the worst?

Hmmm. If I were you, I wouldn't be happy with that.

cakeandchampagne · 04/05/2019 20:35

What’s the point of having a man like him in your home?

poglets · 04/05/2019 20:35

Doesn't he now make your skin crawl?

He is from a 'culture that oppresses women' - sounds to me like he fits that mould perfectly.

This is grim reading. Get rid.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/05/2019 20:36

From traditionalist pov He’s failing in his breadwinner role,he’s inadequate
Tell him you’ll quit work,he needs to financially step up as a man

blue55 · 04/05/2019 20:37

He is from a culture that oppresses women. I am not.

This probably wont be a popular opinion! but.... you should have ensured he was on the same wavelength as you before marrying. His culture is different, but you knew that and you should have ensured you held the same values and expectations of marriage.

I'd be putting up with no man that was this arrogant. Be very clear with him about what you will and will not tolerate.

Original poster
Caffeineprincess · 04/05/2019 20:39

He wasn’t always like this. Also DS turned up as a surprise and kept us together I think.

OP posts:
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