Moaning about being ‘poor’ when rich

[freetone]

AIBU to think if you are childless, go on 3 holidays abroad per year and live in a 4 bed detached house on a private road then you don’t have the right to moan about being ‘poor’? My DF and his wife have been like this recently. He earns over £150k a year. It shows how far away from reality they are imo. Really gets on my nerves when there are millions of people genuinely struggling. Anyone else experienced people like my Father?

Do they have school fees to pay?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland, I love a good bargain too. I buy everything from sales and offers. But I have to because I really am not rich!! I can’t imagine ever buying a luxury sports car or sending my children to elite schools, because I really will never achieve that. To be fair, it’s the wife of the family member who loves to claim she’s poor; I think it’s her way of rubbing it in my face, because it’s obvious they’re really not!!

I’ve noticed this with another “friend” who has bought 2 houses in our affluent area and keeps pleading poverty and how everything is expensive. Once they were apparently having money problems and she whispered to me she’d never been to Tesco before but it was so cheap...compared to Waitrose where she usually goes 🙄🙄

Honestly, my experience says rich people are arseholes. Money makes people go weird.

The thing with childcare as an expense, if one person earns the 100k, then the SAHP would look after the children? Avoiding childcare. After tax income is 66k.

If both parents earn 50k each, you'd take home more between you, taking home 74k as a household income, and would need to pay for childcare. But that isn't forever, they do start school as some point, so childcare fees will be reduced then.

Ok so because we have a family income of a certain amount we can’t complain or express worry when dhs company sick pay runs out for fear of upsetting someone on a lower income.

Some people don’t get sick pay at their companies (looking at you DH)
It is a worry indeed!

We even have insurance but it doesn’t kick in for 6 months. At least we have some savings so ok short term.

At least we have some savings so ok short term

You've sort of answered your own question there! The vast majority of people in this country don't have savings, or any safety net at all.

So by all means you can worry about the fact your savings are not as substantial as you might like but surely you can see how unreasonable it would be to complain you were poor to someone who was not in your position and had nothing?!

Topttumps

Everyone is entitled to moan. And we do. All of us.

The argument over money on MN, is the ones that keep repeating 100k is all relative.

It seems to be hard to get across that 100k may not get you a millionaire lifestyle (which no one said ever) but those of us down here on 20k as a household income don't have the choices of those on 100k.

And it's not jealousy. Or hatred of high earners.

But no we can’t afford a car and we can’t afford three bedrooms, or a garden, or to live in a “naice” area. Not complaining, just clarifying that when people say a £100k household income doesn’t get you much, we don’t mean “can’t afford gold-plated taps and only one trip to Barbados this year”. We mean can’t afford a car after rent and nursery fees are paid.

If you have a household income of £100k, of course you could afford a car! What you mean is that you’ve chosen to spend your ample income on other things. That’s absolutely your prerogative but please don’t dress it up as “can’t afford” something when what you really mean is that you’ve chosen to spend your money on something else.

Worry and concerns are fine but someone saying that they are poor when they have a roof over their heads, are able to pay ‘regular’ bills - housing, heating, transport and food - without much concern, so the worry relates to extras that can reasonably be done without and have savings to is very insulting to people who are genuinely poor. You know, the ones who have to save up for shoes for their children and have more week than money. Or worse.

I have to agree with PPs who say that 100k doesn’t go far in the south. ‘Doesn’t go far’ doesn’t mean living in poverty, but it doesn’t buy a lifestyle where you have a surplus of cash at the end of the month. Full time childcare easily 1500 a month ( per child) + rent of 1800 a month. 5k a month doesn’t look so great with those bills. I’m talking as someone who could move back up north and enjoy a much better lifestyle, but my career and friends are in London.

It's all relative. I've been so poor that I was sleeping outside and couldn't afford to eat. You aren't allowed to claim job seekers when you are homeless. It was a horrible time and, thankfully, is long behind me now. I've never spoken to someone I know who is as poor as that, and yet I've still known plenty of people who say they are struggling. We've all got our own problems that are a big deal in our own world.

I have to agree with PPs who say that 100k doesn’t go far in the south. ‘Doesn’t go far’ doesn’t mean living in poverty, but it doesn’t buy a lifestyle where you have a surplus of cash at the end of the month.

If you earn £100k per year and don’t have a surplus of cash at the end of the month then that is by choice. There is no way anyone should find it hard to make ends meet on an income like that, even if they are living in a city where accommodation costs are higher than in most other areas.

100k is two teachers earning 50k each. Sure, they can move to Sunderland and have an amazing house, but who’s going to teach kids in inner city London? Yes, it’s a ‘choice’ , but it’s not fair to assume they’re having some decadent lifestyle or that it’s easy. It’s a choice lots of people make, but no need to make out they’re all champagne Charlies.

What's the state pension now, and how many pensioners have only that?

Our household income has never reached anything like 100k. Maximum 60k in recent years between two of us working full-time. Granted we live in the North and the money goes further.

We are in late fifties and have helped our adult children with university and post graduate education, to the point where they have few student debts and are both well enough qualified to support themselves well in life now.

What saddens me is that our children may never be able to buy a property, in spite of their education. We both left school at 16 and bought a home in our twenties. We went without luxuries for most of our adult years to do so, but it was worth it to know we do not have to pay rent in our pensionable years.

Catastrophejane

The frozen north has much to offer.

Our son was brought up in the North and now lives and works in London. He suggested that we should have moved South to allow him to enjoy more opportunities when younger. We simply pointed out that we like it up here and could not have afforded to help him so much with his education if we had lived in the South East.

Here's how you spend £100k
After tax and assuming 10% pension contributions you'd have around £5,100 monthly

Rent in zone 4 - £1500 (2 bed flat ) or 1600-1800 for a 3 bed house
Utilities + council tax - £350
Transport - £200 x two people
Childcare- £2400 (1200x2 kids)
Food - £200
Clothes for the whole family + ods and sods - 200

So while childcare costs are not permanent, ongoing costs like after school club, school trips, school lunches etc will still need to be paid and ask the kids get older the more they cost

Thanks Iboogy, that is pretty close to our outgoings. 13.5% pension contributions. Zone 2 flat and mortgage, so bit higher. Bills a bit higher. Nursery fees £1500 per month for one child. Really really can’t justify running a car!

I don’t think people should have to walk around on egg shells either. I’m on an okay wage but I’ve worked my way up slowly studying degrees and masters whilst working full time with a family. Bit by bit Ive slowly started to earn more because of it. Am I going to then be made to feel awkward about that success? no way.

I feel rich now. I was a single parent on benefits for a few years due to shocking MH (left abusive H).

I’m now a University student So not exactly loaded BUT it is significantly more than benefits (to me, anyway) in that my fridge, freezer and cupboards are almost always full and I can pay all my bills on time without robbing Peter to pay Paul or living off smart price beans and toast for a week to pay my gas.

My friends are a mixture of very wealthy, wealthy, students and single parents either on benefits or NMW.

Recently we booked a day trip with our DC, with the more flush of us paying for the less flush as they couldn’t afford to pay that week but tickets had to be bought. So we fronted the money.

I remember very well what it’s like to have 4p in your bank for a week.

Interesting that a lot of people are arguing about 100k, when I said my DF is on 150k. That’s significantly higher and goes a lot further. It’s not really applicable to many of the arguments as most have children and a lot of outgoings. Yes ‘rich people’ have the right to complain. But it’s really just heartless to complain to those with nothing. It makes me a bit sick to see posts complaining 100k doesn’t go far when the lowest I’ve survived on is 13k a year with a baby. I think I have more of a right to complain. Use the energy to go donate to a food bank or Women’s Aid!

Fluffy40 Sat 04-May-19 12:02:11
Try being a family of four on 25 k

Or 5 on 20k , with two big lads and the third one catching them up.

When my mum left my dad we had very little to live on. We camped at an aunt’s for ten months and bunked up with cousins which I now know counts as sofa surfing and, technically, homeless. Auntie had an electricity meter which, when the two bob ran out would plunge the house in darkness until one of the kids borrowed another from a neighbour.

Mum then had two jobs to pay the rent and keep us. We had to buy exactly the same shopping every week so she knew she would have enough at the checkout. We had no luxuries at all and only one of everything, for example, pairs of shoes and bras.

We were very poor.

However, I was aspirational and did well at school. I became a teacher and married a journalist who ended up on national papers. We lived pretty much like paupers and prioritised buying our home over holidays, meals out or other ephemera. After 20 or so years we slogged ourselves out of debt and were comfortable. We could have made property equity by moving to a nearby rich area which was on the up but didn’t as we did not want to feel poor in comparison with everyone else and were extremely happy in our village.

Now we are treated by others who knew we were not well off as if a rich aunt had left us millions. Our children were bullied by relatives as ‘rich’ and friends make underhand comments about how ‘lucky’ we have been.

Envy and resentment are terrible things and poison the minds of those who are jealous. We worked for every penny we had and never complained when we were poorer. We were grateful for living in such a beautiful, law abiding and decent country ( and still are). When I had to retire early due to stress related ill heath and the my DH was unexpectedly made redundant our financial plans were upset and we had no sympathy ( not that we sought it) whatsoever from all the folks who were still jealous.

Unbelievable. I can see in this thread that some, not all, are motivated by angry envy.

It has made me realise that being well off is not merely a matter of how much disposable cash you have ta the end of the month but also of mindset.

However much money you have, if you are grateful and pleased with life you are rich and if you are jealous of others you can never be well off.

What is frightening is that jealousy and envy have become political motivators and are now driving policy in a way to entrench resentment and bury aspiration. No one can be proud of doing well or providing for their family in this country without attracting the ire of the faux angry.

Respectable, prudent, solvent, law abiding, taxpaying citizens keep their heads down and hope to pass unnoticed or risk being denounced as ‘rich’ which has now become synonymous with evil. What a sad joke.

Sorry, at not ta.