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Original poster

Why does MN hate baby showers?

308 replies

SnakesBarmitzvah · 02/05/2019 19:49

I’m curious.

I’ve read many comments about how gross and tacky they are. I don’t really get the big deal?

Also gender reveals.

OP posts:
bringincrazyback · 03/05/2019 15:40

Everyone has different big life events. Its ridiculous to think just because pregnant women (and adoptive parents too!) choose to have a baby shower than there needs to be an equivalent for childless people- what exactly would that even be?

I don't think childless people would even dispute that (well, I don't anyway). But it doesn't change the fact that we're all expected to fork out over and over again for other people's life choices, and for some of us there's precious little back in return over the years. Yes it's just the way life is, but it still gets old.

thecatsthecats · 03/05/2019 16:04

I find the ones I have been to to a bit of a tax on women.

Men aren't invited. They don't put in any emotional or physical investment in setting up the event. They don't choose or pay for the gifts. I just don't like being treated as the sole representative of my household for baby stuff, especially when I'm RUBBISH at it.

Plus I think a reason they sit awkwardly compared to other adult events is the emphasis on one person. Sure, a hen do is about one person, but there's generally a bit less... adoration? tweeness? of the woman concerned. For weddings also, there's a lot more diversity of involvement, and adult birthday parties are more likely to be actual fun for everyone even if the presents are just for one person.

MirriVan · 03/05/2019 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dandelion1993 · 03/05/2019 16:21

It's awful and grabby. It screams "come and bring me all the things I need but can't be arsed to buy myself"

I also feel its jinxing the whole thing. Celebrate once you have a healthy baby who's arrived safely

bliminy · 03/05/2019 17:19

British baby showers sound pretty appalling to me, but I've only been to US baby showers, which have been lovely. Not organised by the mum to be, no gift list, no stupid games, men are welcome, guests are never charged for food.

But tbf I've never been to a UK one and maybe they're not as bad as they sound.

Moonchild1987 · 03/05/2019 17:52

@bringincrazyback but if the person was going to give a gift any way even if it is just a token gift would it not be helpful to know what the parents would like rather then spending an hour on some baby site or shop trying to guess what they need and don't have yet?

Kismett · 03/05/2019 18:34

I think that American ones are lovely but that people here in the UK haven't adapted them well to the culture. Or perhaps it's a general cultural difference of how to support new parents.

bringincrazyback · 03/05/2019 20:50

@bringincrazyback but if the person was going to give a gift any way even if it is just a token gift would it not be helpful to know what the parents would like rather then spending an hour on some baby site or shop trying to guess what they need and don't have yet?

In theory yes, but personally I'd feel presumptuous issuing a 'wish list'. It also removes the element of surprise which I think is a pity.

BroomstickOfLove · 03/05/2019 21:38

The ones I've been to in the UK have all been very civilised. Friends and family at someone's house or a nice hotel/café, food and drink, chatting, a chance for more experienced mothers to give advice or talk about their experiences. There are presents - the people who already have children pass on hand me downs, and the ones who don't have kids either give small gifts or pool their money to get something a bit more expensive, like a particularly nice changing bag. Once, we each brought a copy of our favourite children's book, to stay up a library for the baby. At another one, everyone brought a square of fabric to turn into a quilt, and another time, we each brought a bead which the mother to be made into a necklace to wear to remind her of all the people who love her.

They've all been nice, with tasty snacks and lots of laughter and a proper sense of community.

mathanxiety · 03/05/2019 21:44

I think one of the conclusions I can draw from the descriptions of 'baby showers' on this thread is that there are a great many British women who have the manners of a red arsed monkey.

It's weird because Britain as a whole is known in the US as a place where manners are important. Oh if only the many American devotees of Downton Abbey knew the truth...

metalkprettyoneday · 03/05/2019 21:50

They exist in New Zealand. I went to a friend from work’s baby shower and her sister organised it. Everyone took some food they had made and so there was a big buffet. We sat outside on picnic blankets on the back garden , little kids running around and climbing trees. It was a lovely afternoon, got to meet colleagues children, and had nice chats with women I didn’t know. We did presents at the end but it was nice , Some people had sewn baby items . There was nothing flashy and over the top. Things like muslins and Burb cloths. I didn’t do one because I’m English and I also had no one to organise one for me.

Everydaypeople · 03/05/2019 21:59

Some people can be a bit grabby mcgrabberson.
Im a bit on the fence, I’d happily buy a gift but not another one when the baby born

Kismett · 03/05/2019 22:16

People in the US don’t do two gifts. If you bring something to a shower, you’re not expected to bring anything later. That’s a British thing.

Moonchild1987 · 03/05/2019 22:34

@bringincrazyback but it eliminates the problem of getting the same book/outfit/toy etc multiple times. Yes some lists can be a bit grabby but that is down to the person. I like the idea of gift lists but would make sure to accommodate all budgets. It means no double items and that they are items we actually plan on using etc. I would not expect any gifts after the child is born as I would have everything I need by then. I know a lot of people prefer to get the gifts once the child is there (some how having the person have to guess what you want/need/like after the parents will have already bought all they need makes it not tacky through some magic...🙄) but I like to be over prepared so unless I have nursery all set up and decorated and made sure we have all we need for the next 3 months, have the hospital bag all packed by the 7th month I will stress and not be able to sleep

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 03/05/2019 22:38

I have to agree here, math.

Purpletigers · 03/05/2019 22:41

For me it’s because a pregnancy doesn’t guarantee you will bring home a baby. We are led to believe everything works out perfectly and that just isn’t the case for many people .

Mum2jenny · 03/05/2019 22:43

Loathe them, generally greedy and grabby, with lousy games. What's to like about them?

When my friend has a baby, I'll get it a present, but not until it's born!

Moonchild1987 · 03/05/2019 22:51

@Mum2jenny so you would rather get parents an item they have no need for any more (the baby will have all it needs by the time of arrival) and will just clutter up the house?

FrequentNameChange · 03/05/2019 22:54

Pure GREED

Mum2jenny · 03/05/2019 23:00

Moonchild the same could happen at a baby shower, many ppl can get the same items.

Moonchild1987 · 03/05/2019 23:12

@Mum2jenny that is why a gift list is handy rather then tacky

Mum2jenny · 03/05/2019 23:22

Moonchild I loathe guest lists and will never conform. I will buy either random stuff or basics which will always be needed.

Mum2jenny · 03/05/2019 23:23

Guest lists are greedy and grabby and I will never conform to such!

Moonchild1987 · 03/05/2019 23:32

@Mum2jenny ok that is your propagative. I like to be pargnatic about things and hate having to think what will X need and which option will they like design wise. I don't like gifting random things but want to make sure it will be loved needed and cherished rather then collect dust in some storage and never used

Catren · 03/05/2019 23:35

Agree they're grabby and i don't think gifts should be bought until after the baby is safely here - you can never be sure it'll be ok. It's also so very self centered. Ive had to push quite hard not to have one as my friends without kids wanted to throw one. It's just not my thing!

And it is totally different to birthdays. I have had a few celebrations with friends and at this age no one actually brings gifts! They bring cards and maybe a bottle that we'll drink together. Perhaps that's unusual but it's obvious it isn't the purpose of a birthday celebration. And weddings are there for friends and family to witness a life event as they happen, the coming together of two lives.

I have conceded to having my two best friends join me for a girly day out to get our nails done and a facial or something. I've expressly said no talk of babies (this is my second, i know what i'm getting myself into) and no gifts! Call me scrooge but i can't bear the thought of celebrating something that hasn't happened yet.