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Original poster

Why does MN hate baby showers?

308 replies

SnakesBarmitzvah · 02/05/2019 19:49

I’m curious.

I’ve read many comments about how gross and tacky they are. I don’t really get the big deal?

Also gender reveals.

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 02/05/2019 20:05

It’s hate porn isn't it? Enjoying Getting all worked up about something that doesn’t affect you at all

CarolDanvers · 02/05/2019 20:06

Neither am I. It's the expectation that I should spend the money that is rank. That and the fact that the whole point of the occasion is for me to hand over said gift.

Like for a birthday? Or a wedding? Or special anniversary?

Langrish · 02/05/2019 20:06

I surprise myself because I’m not superstitious about most things, but first and foremost, it feels like tempting fate.

For more practical reasons, we know the number of miscarriages is enormous and most people don’t tell anyone about their loss. Would rather not unwittingly put friends through pain. Yes, other people will have babies and people cope, but a baby shower, to me anyway, just feels it might heighten that particular pain for no real reason that I can see.

DefConOne · 02/05/2019 20:07

I love a pre-baby get together. Don’t like the ‘shower with gifts’ expectation of a baby shower.

Never been invited to a gender reveal abc wouldn’t.

I am very old fashioned and prefer to send a gist when the baby is born. A token gift for fun at a pre-baby party can be nice but that’s not a shower ax I understand them,

MirriVan · 02/05/2019 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Newmumma83 · 02/05/2019 20:09

I had one .. it was a surprise I didn’t ask for it, yes I got gifts ... but didn’t expect them or get any more after baby was born.

What I enjoyed was a few games , and spending time with friends and family before I was going to not have time to do
It for a while again.

I also enjoyed talking to
My cousins who were mums to find out their experiences... it wasn’t tacky ! My mum did a fab job ... it was cake , nibbles tea / wine for those not pregnant.

I am glad my mum did it ... i struggle to
Have quality time now with others as the baby takes a lot of My concentration and glad I got to share my fears / concerns and stories with those that has been there before me x

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 02/05/2019 20:09

You can add cake smash to that list. Awful

Passthecherrycoke · 02/05/2019 20:10

“Like for a birthday? Or a wedding? Or special anniversary?

If anyone invited me to any of those events for the sole purpose of getting a gift from me, they could chuff off.”

It’s not the sole purpose at baby showers though?

MirriVan · 02/05/2019 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumberjack · 02/05/2019 20:10

@GallopingGreen

Because I don't think we should ever assume the baby will arrive here safe and healthy. I always send my friends a present for the baby AFTER the baby has been safely delivered. But that's apparently old-fashioned.

This, with bells on.
However my friends threw me a baby shower (as in let’s all sit, eat and chat and get our nails done etc). I wasn’t expecting it, nor was I expecting that they’d all bring a token gift with their special message for baby. Felt all embarrassed that they’d go to that trouble and expense.

My baby was stillborn at term. Those little gifts are now even more precious, they’re kept very safe and form part of the few memories we were able to gather with our little one.

But I do not like the assumption that you should receive and open general baby gifts before baby is here safely, i know it’s because of my own experience but having been to a couple recently it leaves me with that small but acute feeling of sadness and unease.

GlossyTaco · 02/05/2019 20:11

Personally , I don't hate them , I just don't think presents for the baby are appropriate until it's safely arrived.

I can see that a person without my experience of loss might not think the same way though.

ScrewyMcScrewup · 02/05/2019 20:11

It’s not the sole purpose at baby showers though?

Do you understand why it's called a shower?

Passthecherrycoke · 02/05/2019 20:11

What, just because they call it a baby shower rather than a “might be a while before I see you again” party? Wtf?
🤣🤣

MirriVan · 02/05/2019 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bouncebacker · 02/05/2019 20:13

Ok, so I got a push present - Dh gave me a lovely ring because he was in awe of what I had done and overjoyed about having the family he always wanted - he just arrived with it and I was delighted, still am!

A pre baby get together with friends is lovely, it’s just the presents that I feel uncomfortable with. I have been to baby showers in the US where people have a baby shower registry, like a wedding gift list, and baby shower guests buy the specific things the prospective parents have chosen. We don’t have that culture here - maybe a grandparent will buy a big ticket item like a buggy, but friends and other family generally buy lovely outfits, or small toys or books that they have chosen with thought and consideration after the baby has been born when we know everything is ok.

A friend of mine’s baby was unexpectedly born with a foot deformity - I would hate to have bought the baby bootees, or socks before it was born that could never be worn and would have caused distress to the parents.

SallyWD · 02/05/2019 20:13

It's a new thing for UK, it's very American. I think it's lovely to give gifts once the baby's arrived safely but to invite people round to your house just to give you gifts is a bit much. It feels attention seeking to me. Also most people aren't bothered about other people's babies!

MaverickSnoopy · 02/05/2019 20:14

When I read the title is assumed babies having showers! Disclaimer I'm tired and unwell.

For me it's the tackiness of it all. The ones I've been to have had games. Really naff games like smelling chocolate bars in a nappy. It makes me cringe. I think it's poor taste and crass. Maybe I'm a snob, but I just don't like it. Equally I accept that I don't have to go and so usually don't. I don't begrudge someone for wanting one though.

I wouldn't mind going to a soiree of some description or nice afternoon tea or something without party games. Basically something for grown ups.

I also don't like the idea of giving gifts before the safe arrival of baby. I feel like it's tempting fate. I also think it's nice to give a gift when baby arrives.

Passthecherrycoke · 02/05/2019 20:14

Well it’s obvious what you think it is screwy

MirriVan · 02/05/2019 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Passthecherrycoke · 02/05/2019 20:16

Baby showers are not “very new” I’ve been invited to them for over 10 years. They also have both Victorian and pagan origin

ScrewyMcScrewup · 02/05/2019 20:17

Well it’s obvious what you think it is screwy

So no, you didn't understand. The purpose IS for the pregnant woman to get gifts.

Reddedder · 02/05/2019 20:19

Because they see it as an Americanism, which is a very bad thing. Apparently.

Passthecherrycoke · 02/05/2019 20:20

It’s not the PURPOSE it’s simply part of the celebration. I have NEVER brought a baby gift to a baby shower, only a gift for the mother (pregnancy toiletries etc) this is perfectly normal.

What I think is really lovely is having such great friends and family they want to celebrate your baby with you and wish you all the best. Lots of people are too miserable to have that celebration in their lives

Dinosforall · 02/05/2019 20:21

Mine was called a shower but was basically a pre-baby get together with cake. DSis offered to organise it and I asked her to emphasise the cake eating angle rather than gift - giving.

One friend declined/gave me a non-baby gift and although I'm sure she has her reasons (though not at first hand) it just felt like she was ostentatiously saying "YOUR BABY MIGHT NOT MAKE IT" as though that wouldn't have crossed my mind at least once every day of my pregnancies.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 02/05/2019 20:21

I've not been to one but the thing that puts me off is the idea of games! Catching up with friends and nice food is fine, but games just sound awful and really forced. I've never had a great lunch / night out where we played formal games