Why does MN hate baby showers?

[SnakesBarmitzvah]

I’m curious.

I’ve read many comments about how gross and tacky they are. I don’t really get the big deal?

Also gender reveals.

Surly all you lot who hate giving gifts also find wedding tacky and grabby? Its also a celebratory event that would be assumed to have gift giving?

Lots of PPs mentioning guests paying to attend... never experienced or heard of this.

I imagine if it was a lunch or meal out somewhere, I would expect to pay for my food and drink, but all the baby showers I've been to have been hosted at someones home, where they have generously put on a spread of sandwiches and nibbles.

Why would a guest attend a party in a pub and then expect to be given free food and drink? If I go to a pub night out for someone else's birthday I don't expect my meal and drinks to be paid for!

@SnakesBarmitzvah my experience is always a meal or afternoon tea somewhere needlessly expensive. The cheapest recently was £30 and the most expensive £60.

@codenameduchess why would you expect your meal to be paid for? If you went out with a group of friends to celebrate someone's birthday do you expect your meal then to also get paid for?

You want tacky?

British people having "Christenings" in churches when they don't believe in god because they want gifts. Get a random friend to swear and protect your kids from the devil then have a party

Fuck it. Babyshower all the way.

@GreytExpectations no, but I also don't expect someone to demand gifts because they're popping a kid out and expect me to fork out for shit food too.

I had one organised by a friend and so have most of my friends.
They have been in someone’s home, silly games, laughter, cake (not usually any other food) and a few joke presents along with vests & some hand me downs. I never spent more than I would going for a drink with someone and thought they were lovely.

Re: the whole stillborn/late miscarriage thing. I’ve had one and then spent the next pregnancy really anxious. It doesn’t actually stop bad things happening just because you suspend all joy in an anxiety ridden heap! Bad things can happen and we confront them as best we can with the love and support of those around them. Having momentos of our baby is actually a positive since we didn’t get many positive memories.

Anyway, back to your moaning about how grabby it is to have a slice of cake with your mates!

codenameduchess i expect you dont expect someone to demand gifts for just turning another year older or for couples who decide to get married?

fork out for shit food too
So all food is shit at every baby shower? By your logic, you dont like any form of party or celebration then?

I don't know about the Mumsnet collective but I hate the insipid games, how sexist they can be and how they can make childless people feel excluded.

I am all for groups of friends getting together. Especially when life is changing and you're about to have a period of not being able to go out as much. But why not host or organise an event that doesn't require everyone to bring you presents or the theme of the day being 'ME!'.

If you want to see your friends- just organise a catch up that is about everyone seeing each other as opposed to celebrating yourself.

Surly all you lot who hate giving gifts also find wedding tacky and grabby? Its also a celebratory event that would be assumed to have gift giving?

The wedding is actually happening, the safe birth of the child has not, you're celebrating an event that has not occurred and expecting gifts for it. Naffola!

In the States they are not 'pay for a meal and drinks in a pub', just an afternoon thing with a few nibbles and cake (that you are not expected to pay for). It's been co-opted here to be a largely tacky thing, sadly.

I honestly just don’t recognise your descriptions since I’ve been to over 30 baby showers which were ALL at soneone’s home with no requirement to buy anything if you didn’t want to.

As for ‘the safe arrival hasn’t happened yet’ idea - no it hasn’t but this friend has still grown a baby. It doesn’t cease to have happened if they are terribly terribly unlucky and the baby dies. Acting as if we’ll i wont acknowledge it until it’s screaming at me is just bizarre and doesn’t say much about how we treat mums who have lost babies at birth.... sorry but this attitude makes me really angry and sad.

@SihtricsHorseWitnere I don't hate weddings but I am not a fan of bridal showers for the same reasons.

A wedding has a bit more of a point to it, whereas a 'shower' is about presents and attention.

IndianaJones I don't think many people do that now, and if they do it's either for cultural reasons (because they feel like Christianity is part of their heritage even if they're not active), or for school admissions.
I really don't understand why there's such a problem with 'Americanism'
I think this has already been explained. The American tradition of baby showers evolved naturally as a result of the community coming together to support each other and to share what little resources they had.It seems to have been imported into Britain as a commercial opportunity. They're two different things.
Of course there's no need to be snidey about them, if people really don't want to go just politely decline.

As for ‘the safe arrival hasn’t happened yet’ idea - no it hasn’t but this friend has still grown a baby. It doesn’t cease to have happened if they are terribly terribly unlucky and the baby dies. Acting as if we’ll i wont acknowledge it until it’s screaming at me is just bizarre and doesn’t say much about how we treat mums who have lost babies at birth.... sorry but this attitude makes me really angry and sad.

This 100%. Its actually very sad to see such negative responses on MN about a simple celebration. When did people get so miserable?

The US 'traditions' around babies and weddings are often focussed around the ability and expectation of guests to contribute. There are countless examples of mums to be in the states kicking off about the value of baby shower gifts and brides to be deciding who should be in their wedding parties based on their ability to pay for lavish hen parties and funding their own bridesmaids dresses. It is awful and I see it creeping over to the UK more and more. It's all about demonstrating social dominance and exclusivity coupled with the failure to appreciate the requirements of being a gracious host by attempting to socialise the cost of celebrations you are hosting.

Also I 100% disagree with thr sentiment that celebrating births and christenings shows we don't care about mothers. These things are absolute celebrations of the parents and the new life the have created. Baby showers are all about the pregnant woman to the exclusion of all else.

Because they’re tacky, naff and grabby.

I enjoy them. But like weddings, I always feel a little uneasy and a sense of foreboding. Obviously I don't share these feelings with the mum to be (or happy couple)!

But this might be why there are strong reactions to this new cultural practice; it jars with previously held superstitions about pregnancy.

I see it creeping over to the UK more and more.

Because the greed only comes from there, of course . Well, at least they don't have two-tiered weddings with tacky 'evenings do's increasingly with invitations issues to such guests even through they are miles away and complete with a tout for cash as a gift, or worse, a 'come to the ceremony and then fuck off until the A-list are fed and watered and then bring us a gift. That's something you don't see in the US.

Another reason I hate baby and bridal showers- there is no equivalent for childless and/or single people. Why do some of us get our lifestyle choices subsidised in the form of gifts while single people have to buy their own toasters?

When I got married most of my expenses halved and my household income doubled because there were now two of us paying one set of bills. And for some inexplicable reason my single friends who have no such support were expected to spend some of their single income money on me.

Oh, okay, so which do you want it to be Anoff, a baby shower about the baby, who isn't here yet, or a pregnant person shower? It's celebrating an event that hasn't happened.

@Hopoindown31

The US 'traditions' around babies and weddings are often focussed around the ability and expectation of guests to contribute. There are countless examples of mums to be in the states kicking off about the value of baby shower gifts and brides to be deciding who should be in their wedding parties based on their ability to pay for lavish hen parties and funding their own bridesmaids dresses. It is awful and I see it creeping over to the UK more and more. It's all about demonstrating social dominance and exclusivity coupled with the failure to appreciate the requirements of being a gracious host by attempting to socialise the cost of celebrations you are hosting.

How many baby showers have you been to in America?

In my experience it tends to be either people who are generally self centred and into celebrating themselves or very young mums who have them. I find them grabby and tacky, not my thing.

When I had my first child I asked that no one bought me anything until the baby arrived (if they asked to, that is!). I knew someone who lost her baby at full-term during labour, completely normal pregnancy. The worst part for her was going home to a house filled with baby things and no baby. I just can’t understand celebrating a baby that isn’t yet here safely.

Errm, because they're grabby? 'Hey everybody, I'm pregnant therefore you must buy me things.' Just no. I've never attended one in my life. (And don't even get me started on the tacky party games...)

there is no equivalent for childless and/or single people.

I think you're reaching a bit with this one. I cannot fathom how this is a legitimate complaint.
If you are single and live alone, nothing is stopping you from having a house warming party if you move houses. If you are together with a long term partner nothing is stopping you from throwing a party with your friends and family to make a special anniversary.
Everyone has different big life events. Its ridiculous to think just because pregnant women (and adoptive parents too!) choose to have a baby shower than there needs to be an equivalent for childless people- what exactly would that even be?