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Original poster

Why does MN hate baby showers?

308 replies

SnakesBarmitzvah · 02/05/2019 19:49

I’m curious.

I’ve read many comments about how gross and tacky they are. I don’t really get the big deal?

Also gender reveals.

OP posts:
Original poster
SnakesBarmitzvah · 05/05/2019 11:10

@Andoffwegoagain As for ‘the safe arrival hasn’t happened yet’ idea - no it hasn’t but this friend has still grown a baby. It doesn’t cease to have happened if they are terribly terribly unlucky and the baby dies. Acting as if we’ll i wont acknowledge it until it’s screaming at me is just bizarre and doesn’t say much about how we treat mums who have lost babies at birth.... sorry but this attitude makes me really angry and sad.

Agree, completely.

OP posts:
Original poster
SnakesBarmitzvah · 05/05/2019 11:15

For me it’s because a pregnancy doesn’t guarantee you will bring home a baby. We are led to believe everything works out perfectly and that just isn’t the case for many people

So we shouldn’t celebrate a wonderful thing in case it all goes tragically wrong? Confused

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 05/05/2019 11:23

They can be OK but aren't really my thing.
I just got an invite for one for someone having their 3rd baby. It said they already have everything they need for the baby so money or vouchers are preferred. I think they're missing the point a bit.

bamboofibre · 05/05/2019 11:26

Celebrate what? The birth hasn't occurred yet and it's a baby shower. So you're celebrating a pregnant person then, so call it a 'pregnant party' or something then.

bamboofibre · 05/05/2019 11:27

I just got an invite for one for someone having their 3rd baby. It said they already have everything they need for the baby so money or vouchers are preferred.

Dear god, how completely grabby and tacky! I wonder how many people went. More fool them.

DameDoom · 05/05/2019 11:30

Common as muck and just vile.

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 05/05/2019 11:56

Oh and as for gender reveals, who the fuck cares enough to go to your ridiculous party to find out?
It's very self centred, get over yourself and remember you aren't the first person to have a baby.

Sums it all up for me
The only baby showers I've been invited to have been 'come along pay for your own food fawn over my crotch fruit and give it gifts too' yeah fuck that

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/05/2019 11:58

I would be way more happy to go to a gender reveal if people were honest
“Oh crap a boy”
“Damn it another girl”

That would be more fun to see

Original poster
SnakesBarmitzvah · 05/05/2019 12:01

I just got an invite for one for someone having their 3rd baby. It said they already have everything they need for the baby so money or vouchers are preferred.

Well of course that’s just ridiculous. I’ve only ever been to showers where it’s a 1st pregnancy. I have seen a trend of “sprinkles” from over in the US for people that already have DC and I think even that might be a bit much.

I just don’t see a baby shower (for 1st baby) as any different than an engagement party, hen party, big birthday etc. It’s just a celebration, I personally enjoy celebrating my friend’s life events.

OP posts:
2cats2many · 05/05/2019 12:02

I've been to a few baby showers and they are down there in my list of least favourite social events.

Play stoopid games TICK
Pay over the odds for an afternoon tea and have to sit next to someone you don't know and make small talk for the duration TICK
Buy a gift for the shower plus buy another one after the baby is born TICK

Boring, unnecessary and now avoided at all costs.

GreytExpectations · 05/05/2019 12:12

have to sit next to someone you don't know and make small talk for the duration

Yes because god forbid you be social, polite and gasp actually speak to someone! Hmm

I hate how anti social society has become.

Sugarformyhoney · 05/05/2019 12:17

I had a friend who had a tea and cake afternoon. No pressure, just a nice catch up before the birth. Some low key gifts- mainly flowers. It was really nice and we had a lovely afternoon
Another friend had a BS and a friend organised it for her. Said friend insisted on hiring a venue, bringing in caterers and wanted us all to contribute to John Lewis vouchers. Would’ve ended up costing £50. I was embarrassed for my friend who likely didn’t want any of that and declined

SandAndSea · 05/05/2019 12:27

More useful than a baby shower should be a "Mummy Bath Party" after birth which literally would be allowing Mum having a relaxing bath while friends mind the new baby and do housework shores for her. I know which one I would prefer

I'm so on for this!

Does it matter that I don't have a baby?

2cats2many · 05/05/2019 13:04

Hey Greyexpectations- take your Hmm face and point it elsewhere.

You get to say what you like and works for you. I get to do the same for me.

GreytExpectations · 05/05/2019 16:19

@2cats2many this is the internet, i'm allowed to express my opinion and i can use whichever emojis i fancy. If you dont like what i say then just ignore it.

2cats2many · 05/05/2019 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GreytExpectations · 05/05/2019 17:06

Oh do grow up @2cats2many HmmHmmHmm

mathanxiety · 05/05/2019 19:52

Mrsong
Look at me, pay me attention, bring me presents. Awful, grabby, tacky. And for those complaining about British women, I'm an Irish woman. It's still awful. And I agree, another godawful Americanism.

I am interested to know what else you have in your category of 'godawful Americanisms'.

You are yet another woman who doesn't understand that the American baby shower isn't hosted by the mother, and isn't grabby or attention seeking.

How did the British get it so wrong?

mathanxiety · 05/05/2019 19:59

For those who object on grounds that the baby isn't born yet and you wouldn't want to tempt fate - are you loath to attend weddings too? Are they considered gift grabs?

I ask because statistically a wedding is as likely to end in divorce as it is to produce a lasting marriage.

mathanxiety · 05/05/2019 20:06

meditrina Sun 05-May-19 08:25:48
But not all parties are showers.

Remember shower = shower with gifts. It's a specific type of party, not a catch-all term for all parties during pregnancy. Just like a bridal shower isn't a hen party, and you can dislike bridal showers whilst loving other types of party.

You are confusing the literal meaning of 'shower' with the reality of what happens at American baby showers.

The fact that the British have managed to grasp the wrong end of the stick so comprehensively, and then run with it, says far more about the British than about the American baby shower.

America and Americans are not to blame for the rudeness, grabbiness, charging of guests and all the other elements that would be completely unthinkable in the US.

Drogosnextwife · 05/05/2019 20:07

Because they are pointless, cringey and grabby (if you arrange one for yourself). Why would you buy presents for a baby that's not even here yet!

Drogosnextwife · 05/05/2019 20:08

Hen do's and stag do's are the same. Now most people are turning them into weekends or weeks abroad!

Drogosnextwife · 05/05/2019 20:09

Oh and every baby shower I've had the pleasure of attending has turned into a piss up.

mathanxiety · 05/05/2019 20:10

BarbarianMum
www.theguardian.com/society/2018/nov/30/excess-winter-deaths-in-england-and-wales-highest-since-1976
There were 50,100 excess deaths in England and Wales last winter, when there was a prolonged spell of extreme cold, making it the highest number since 1976, figures have shown.
(The article is from 2018).

I don't think that is one bit reassuring.

Passthecherrycoke · 05/05/2019 20:10

Hen dos and stag dos have been like that for 20 years 😭 honestly it seems like going back to 2003 sometimes on MN

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