Why does MN hate baby showers?

[SnakesBarmitzvah]

I’m curious.

I’ve read many comments about how gross and tacky they are. I don’t really get the big deal?

Also gender reveals.

I hate them. It screams I want everyone to buy something for my baby who isn't even born yet.
If people want to get you something for your baby they can do, you don't need a party to encourage it.
I would never have one or go to one as a matter of principle. I'd buy a present when the baby is born.
And gender reveals are as bad. I would never want to know the sex until birth personally. But if you must find out then fine, just tell people. Why the need for a big thing?

They’re naff as fuck.

If you want presents then ask if people want to get you one once your baby is born and specify.

Gender reveals are the fucking worst thing. Who. Cares. It’s nice to share that info as a conversation.

When people who put them on spend over £500 so what if you have to buy a £20 present back? I have been to them but family only and more than happy to go and help the mom with a useful gift, mine was mainly family too so everyone cared.

Hang on- what's a "push present"? I've had four kids, have I missed out??

Tacky, grabby, attention seeking and not very British.

@Passthebubbly - I've got to say, that sounds really lovely.

*Like I said upthread, if a pregnant pal invited me to an 'It might be a while until I can see you all for a fun gathering again' party, I'd love to go. I'd probably take a gift of some sort.

I'd never attend a baby shower.*

Isn't it all about how people do a baby shower though? The only ones I've been to are absolutely the former, because my friends aren't twats.

I'm currently pregnant, one of my friends has already suggested doing one for me (I also went to hers and it was definitely games and chats rather than gift grabbing) and mine would be too. She wants to do it for me because I'm a solo mama to be and it would be nice to have a day with my supportive ladies. Couldn't give a toss about presents.

I'm not a fan of gender reveals though tbh!

Because pregnancies can and do go wrong. Much, much better to give gifts after the baby is safely born.

I do get what people are saying about the "shower" name referring to gifts, but I think the less arseholey types among us do just use that as shorthand for a "let's get together before the baby's born" party, which to be fair isn't very snappy...

Kind of feeling sorry for a lot of the posters here though for seemingly having very self centered friends!

Why not call it something else or just say you're having a party?

Never been to one or had one myself, and don't feel I've missed anything.
I really just bought the basics for all my babies, didn't feel the need for loads of stuff. The actual party bit sounds a bit boring, playing silly games and talking about being pregnant isn't really my idea of fun. Each to their own though.
Don't like the idea of gender reveal parties, due to the way people get all excited about it. A child is either male or female, no need to jump up and down about it.

I've been to a few and they've all been pretty wanky. Silly games and then sitting around watching the mum to be awkwardly open all the presents while everyone coos after each one is open. One mum to be it was a surprise thrust upon her, she was tired and grumpy and clearly wasn't in the mood. Another mum to be was in tears after because it turned out so crappy, and another had to deal with her drunk boyfriend being an arse as usual. So maybe that has coloured my view on them.

I just think they're unnecessary. If you have friends and family who are happy for you and supportive then there are already ways that they can celebrate with you. It might just seem like the everyday things, meeting up for coffee and chatting about the baby and all that comes with it which is a lot more personal when your being given someone's time and attention. Cards, gifts, flowers at random because someone has wanted to do that for you and your baby without the pressure, again means so much more. It seems like another money making thing, that has just gotten out of hand ( like Mother's/Father's Day, Easter) Having a baby is a personal thing, yes people may be excited but it's for a family to enjoy and be part of together. I just think it's over the top expecting everyone and their aunt to turn up present in hand.

Because I don't think we should ever assume the baby will arrive here safe and healthy. I always send my friends a present for the baby AFTER the baby has been safely delivered. But that's apparently old-fashioned.

This. Completely.

When people who put them on spend over £500 so what if you have to buy a £20 present back? I have been to them but family only and more than happy to go and help the mom with a useful gift, mine was mainly family too so everyone cared.

How about putting that £500 towards baby stuff instead?

Unless it is someone really close to me then I feel an obligation to go to a party I don't really want to go to and spend money on a gift because the host has spent money on the party.

I'm happy to buy a gift once baby has arrived or stick a few quid into the pot for a colleague going on maternity leave but don't want to feel obligated to go to a party.

Sounds grabby to me.

Because a lot of people on here like to sneer at perfectly normal, nice, kind l things, I think its so they feel superior..I like my friends and family and I enjoy spending time with them and making them feel like Its a special time in their life and spoiling them. I live in north America but I hear more about baby showers in here than in my real life.

British women show themselves at their worst for thinking a baby shower is grabby. So much nastiness towards a tradition meant to help a soon to be mother. I wonder if some of you are as kind as you think you are.

Exactly. Im shocked at how many spiteful, stuck up posts are on here. I've been to MANY US baby showers and they've all been low key and lovely.

Since moving to the US I've found people much more kind, supportive and helpful than in the UK. And not sneery and bike like many on this thread.

I'm Canadian. We've had cake smashes and baby showers since forever. It's your friends and family supporting you and have a nice party. Nobody has ever been called greedy for having one. No one has resented going or buying a couple baby outfits as a present. Because it's called being supportive to your family/friends.

It goes back to the early colonists. The early settlers would help each other --- it was a matter of survival. It became cultural. You help people get started in life.

Only the British seem to resent parties and presents and being supportive. It's really weird. It's like you enjoy eating your young or something.

“Only the British seem to resent parties and presents and being supportive. It's really weird. It's like you enjoy eating your young or something.”

There is a British culture of hating the idea that someone is getting something out of you.
As a poster above said, even after you’ve spent £500 on a baby shower for your mates they resent spending £20 on a gift because you shouldn’t get your grubby hands near their previous £20. They bestow their present when they’re ready.

I just had a baby shower thrown for me. It was not my choice, I now have lots of gifts that people felt indebted to buy that I have to donate and the whole thing was to satisfy the needs of the person who threw it and I could have done without it.

I have only ever been to one, organised by her older sister as a surprise. The mum to be was a student, boyfriend had broken up with her before she found out she pregnant and didn't want to know.

Sister hired a cheap room above a hall and everyone bought a dish a gift (practical nothing designer) and wrote a piece of advice in a guest book. Mum to be was so surprised. She opened her gifts and we were laughing so much when she mistook breast pads for coffee filters, muslins for tea towels. It wasn't at all grabby but a bunch of women coming together for a young girl who really didn't have much. It was lovely and fun and far from these expensive grab fest people moan about on here. I don't understand all hate for them.

Bad luck. You don't celebrate the birth of your child until it's actually happened.

I know that sounds really miserable but it's just the British way. We don't like to count our chickens.