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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why does MN hate baby showers?

308 replies

SnakesBarmitzvah · 02/05/2019 19:49

I’m curious.

I’ve read many comments about how gross and tacky they are. I don’t really get the big deal?

Also gender reveals.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/05/2019 21:05

Dinosforall Halloween, Valentine’s Day and Easter I would say have become Americanised,
An excuse for buying more more toot. Who do I blame for Christmas Eve boxes?!

Passthebubbly · 02/05/2019 21:08

Aww I’m hosting one tomorrow for someone who works for me. She is going with little money and nothing for the baby yet who is due in a couple of weeks.
Lots of us have clubbed together and managed to get loads of stuff she is going to need plus some nice things for her. She would never ask for anything and thinks she is just coming for tea and cake. We all love her to bits so why not.

Passthebubbly · 02/05/2019 21:08

Young with little money!!

Hopoindown31 · 02/05/2019 21:21

Because they are a tacky, graspy piece of horrendous americana. It's the same with all the crappy wedding 'traditions' that have floated across the pond making weddings ever more graspy and about vulgar displays of wealth and control.

pinkgloves · 02/05/2019 21:27

Another tacky import from over the pond. Grabby, garish and horrible.

Oh go fuck yourself. Biscuit

graziemille567 · 02/05/2019 21:31

I hate the fact that baby showers are always afternoon tea, or something else similarly twee. I don't know about other mums, but a considerable portion of my time as a new mother with a baby was spent drinking hot drinks and eating a lot of cake to get me through it. Surely it makes more sense to take the mum to be out for a nice evening meal, maybe with mocktails, as that's something she really is going to miss in the first few months of parenthood. Less of the fucking tea and cake!

Also, I'm with a lot of other PP's - I don't like buying gifts for babies until they have arrived. I went to baby shower recently (couldn't get out of it) and I was the only person who hadn't bought a gift - it was a bit cringey but honestly, I will happily shower my friends with gifts when the baby arrives. I think it's a shame to get all the gifts before the baby arrives - it's so nice to have lots of stuff to open once you actually have a baby to put the clothes on.

Ihatesundays · 02/05/2019 21:31

It’s just ANOTHER thing.....
Gender reveal, baby shower, presents when they are born, christening/naming ceremony....
More things to get people to buy you stuff and give you attention...

I hate the way we take on American traditions and keeping our own at the same time.

Sleepyblueocean · 02/05/2019 21:35

They make me feel uncomfortable. I don't like celebrating the baby's arrival until the baby is here.

JE87 · 02/05/2019 21:44

I don't see the big deal either OP. If your friends/family want to throw you one and you're happy for the get together then don't see the problem. If you don't want to attend one then just politely decline. Simple!

NeverHadANickname · 02/05/2019 21:48

I am from the UK but living in America. I have been to a couple of baby showers in the UK which were nice, nibbles and time to get together and enjoy the time before the baby was here.

I am now pregnant (in the US) and my mother in law wants to throw me a baby shower which is fine. I am generally uncomfortable with people buying me things (had no gifts at our wedding for example) and spoke to DH about the UK perception of baby showers and why loads of people hate them, in particular gifts at baby shower then gifts when baby was born. He said the gifts at the baby shower are instead of after the baby is born so there is no expectation of 2 gifts which made me feel better about it. Generally as others have said it is just a chance to see family and friends at the same time, have a nice time together and for the mother to be to feel supported.

In the UK I wouldn't have wanted one because of how they are perceived but that view has mainly been twisted from the meaning it has over here.

crosstalk · 02/05/2019 21:49

PasstheBubbly that sounds brilliant And I hope you all keep in touch with her when she has her baby. But it's not the same as a baby shower.

Taking a friend out for a meal, film, whatever, while they still can sounds great and I hope most of us would think of that.

But those who want to have baby showers, gender reveals, cake smashing etc will crack on with it whatever, those who don't agree just have to not do it or if invited just demur.

BarbarAnna · 02/05/2019 21:50

I have seen a couple of posts which I think are saying ‘if I lost a baby, I wouldn’t care... blah blah’
If you haven’t lost a baby, please don’t post such throwaway statements or assume how you would feel.
If you have lost a baby, then I am sorry for your loss.

I would have hated a baby shower because asking people to buy me presents is not my thing. It would have been even worse because I would have probably had to dash off for monitoring which was pretty much daily for the last few weeks before my baby was born.

stucknoue · 02/05/2019 21:55

Because it's about people giving you stuff. Far better you visit after the birth with a gift, you get a cuddle thrown in!

mimibunz · 02/05/2019 21:55

British women show themselves at their worst for thinking a baby shower is grabby. So much nastiness towards a tradition meant to help a soon to be mother. I wonder if some of you are as kind as you think you are.

stucknoue · 02/05/2019 22:00

Ps I didn't even collect my pushchair until after I had safety delivered - or rather dad picked it up, shops stored them for you. I had just the bare minimum in advance, mostly borrowed and went shopping afterwards!

BroomstickOfLove · 02/05/2019 22:48

Honestly, I think that gifts after the baby is born are nice but useless. They are frivolity gifts rather than helpful gifts, because the parents will have had to get all the stuff they need/budget for the essentials in advance before people come in after the birth with presents.

So doing it that way is perhaps more tasteful, but it's less kind, and less inclusive, and less about community and support.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/05/2019 23:04

I hate gender reveals with a passion. Either just tell people the sex or wait until the baby arrives. The whole "look at me" thing is so cringe worthy imo.

Baby showers are tacky and grasping. The games are usually awful. Lots of bits ends up in landfill. Then there's the expected presents. It's perfectly possible to spend time with friends without throwing one.

Some pregnancies seem to last for years with social media, gender reveals, baby showers etc.

CarolDanvers · 02/05/2019 23:05

Very well said mimibunz.

MooseHoose · 02/05/2019 23:08

Because they are about pure greed - the expectation is that everyone must turn up with a present and shower the mum-to-be with gifts. Why not just let people decide if they’d like to buy you a present once the baby is here?

Not to mention that they are agonisingly excruciating experiences for women who are struggling to conceive and when you invite a large group of women, odds are it will affect at least one. Imagine being invited to one having just had a miscarriage and feeling obliged to go to a party with the purpose of spending hours talking about someone else’s baby?

I’ve seen too many women get the hump when people don’t want to go to their showers and take it as a slight on their baby. Ridiculous.

IncrediblySadToo · 02/05/2019 23:10

It hates them less that it hates GF’s who start threads purely as a wind up. Funny that.

MooseHoose · 02/05/2019 23:11

Mimibunz- if people want to help a soon-to-be-mother they are totally capable of doing that of their own free will. I wouldn’t invite people to a ‘house shower’ before I move house and expect everyone to turn up with a gift, but if people wanted to get me a house warming gift if their own accord, that’s lovely. It’s the expectation. You don’t throw parties to receive gifts.

origamiunicorn · 02/05/2019 23:12

Come round and give me things! Let's all talk about me and my life choices for a few hours!
Me! Me! ME! MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!

Grin

I always thought they were the non - religious version of a Christening, so a party to celebrate the baby's birth. They're not really about the baby at all are they, it's all about the parents it seems, well the Mum really.

The people who baby showers probably have a hen do and a bridal shower, whatever that is about.

origamiunicorn · 02/05/2019 23:13

What I mean is, the baby is not even born, you're not showering the baby at all. Cough excuse to get presents cough

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 02/05/2019 23:15

Some of my colleagues threw me a baby shower. It was surprise. I genuinely thought I was just meeting one girl for a meal.

People who cared about me wanted to do something nice for me, not sure why that’s greedy or grabby.

somewh3reanywhere · 02/05/2019 23:16

My SIL had one. I was dreading it tbh but it was actually ok. I took baby toiletries and nappies along rather than buying outfits or anything like that. Some of her friends went totally OTT with the gifts though. I'm assuming they also bought more gifts once the baby arrived.

It was a bit silly (games) but I had some booze and got nicely tipsy so I didn't care. And there was cake.

So they're not my thing (and I hate the commercialisation of everything) but it wasn't the worst thing ever. Her friends organised it. SIL was hinting to my DB about a "push present" as well as all her friend's husbands had gotten them one, apparently. I find that a bit vulgar but hey ho. I don't have kids and none of my friends have had one for their children so I guess that's my first and only time at a baby shower!

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