Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why does MN hate baby showers?

308 replies

SnakesBarmitzvah · 02/05/2019 19:49

I’m curious.

I’ve read many comments about how gross and tacky they are. I don’t really get the big deal?

Also gender reveals.

OP posts:
MirriVan · 02/05/2019 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarolDanvers · 02/05/2019 20:23

If anyone invited me to any of those events for the sole purpose of getting a gift from me, they could chuff off.

How would you know? And gifts are part of those celebrations and there are certain expectations around receiving them whether you like it or not.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/05/2019 20:23

Because time and money are in short supply and all these made up American “celebrations” are an excuse to grab grab grab!!

ScrewyMcScrewup · 02/05/2019 20:23

It’s not the PURPOSE it’s simply part of the celebration.

It is the purpose. This couldn't be clearer - it's literally in the title.

Dogparty · 02/05/2019 20:24

I enjoy the get together with friends and daft games and eating cake. I never take a gift though, I’m bringing that when baby is here safe and sound!

Passthecherrycoke · 02/05/2019 20:24

How would you know screwy, when you’ve never been to one?

luckylavender · 02/05/2019 20:24

It's unnecessary & incredibly tacky.

Sparklybanana · 02/05/2019 20:25

How awful would it be to be surrounded by presents from a baby shower and then to lose your baby? To have to return the gifts or keep them around would be awful. I’d definitely rather our tradition of waiting until the baby is here. Plus, the idea of asking all my friends for actual expensive items and them practically being forced into it is tacky.

Dinosforall · 02/05/2019 20:25

Because time and money are in short supply and all these made up American “celebrations” are an excuse to grab grab grab!!

Just out of curiosity, what are the other ones?

MirriVan · 02/05/2019 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InsertFunnyUsername · 02/05/2019 20:28

Its harmless fun for the mum to be, I've accepted most invites and don't mind bringing a gift.

IntoValhalla · 02/05/2019 20:29

I don’t like proper organised baby showers - ie invitations, lots of guests, gifts galore for a baby that’s not even born yet, wanky games that no one understands - it’s all just a bit yuck for me I’m afraid.
Same with these whole “gender reveal” parties that have become a thing. I just can’t help but think “No one except you and maybe your immediate family give a fuck what genitals your baby has! Hmm” Blush

A close friend had a baby a couple of weeks ago, and rather than having a grabby baby shower, she invited me and a couple of other close friends out for afternoon tea in a “naice” hotel as a last ditch get together before she’s occupied with the new baby Smile It was nice. No forced fun, no expectation on gifts - we all saved gift giving for when the baby was born a couple of weeks ago.

MirriVan · 02/05/2019 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreytExpectations · 02/05/2019 20:29

Because apparently everything American is very bad. Actually yes they are a bit tacky and i feel like its tempting fate.
I sae a post on mumsnet awhile back where someone wanted to through a baby shower but even said its "No gifts, please" as they wanted to focus on the actual social get together of it and they still got the tirade of Mumsnet abuse at how grabby she was being! Im not personally a fan of them but i wouldnt be so snobby to turn my nose up at a friend who wanted to do it and I certainly would still attend if it was a close person.

Baloonphobia · 02/05/2019 20:30

The games are cringe. They are a complete nightmare if you don't have kids yet or worse, are single.
In my experience, they seem to be the domain of a certain type of bitchy, competetitive bore.

Yutes · 02/05/2019 20:31

Baby showers are an awful notion of organised fun. And grabby.

My friend had an awful labour and then lost her darling boy 24hours later. I have never felt the same about attending a baby shower since.

Passthecherrycoke · 02/05/2019 20:31

If you lost your baby you wouldn’t give a crap about the baby shower. Why do people keep saying that?

Baby showers take place late on in pregnancy. I have 4 weeks to go and my house is set up with all the baby stuff, which I didn’t get from a baby shower. Why would it be any harder to be surrounded by gifted baby stuff after a still birth?

Morgan12 · 02/05/2019 20:32

I honestly think both are just so contrived and mostly done so photos and videos can be uploaded to social media.

eightoclock · 02/05/2019 20:33

Someone said to me, 'why don't you have a baby shower so all your friends will buy stuff for the baby so you don't have to spend your own money'. I couldn't retort 'because that would be grabby' as this person did have a baby shower herself.
In fact, I've been given or offered a huge amount of second hand baby stuff by friends and family, without having to ask or hint, so I think for me it would have been entirely pointless anyway.
I always buy friends something after the baby's born - seems to be more logical to me.

Bezalelle · 02/05/2019 20:34

It's a symptom of the commodification/consumerisation of motherhood.

modgepodge · 02/05/2019 20:35

My friends wanted to throw me one. I gave them a list of people I’d like to invite (like I did for my hen do) and they organised it...I was embarrassed that people might think I was expecting gifts and asked the organisers to make it clear I expected no gifts. I believe this message was passed on to invitees as my sister said ‘there was some crazy suggestion of not bringing presents, but I wanted to give you cute clothes!’....presumably everyone felt the same as I did receive lots of presents. It absolutely wasn’t about the presents for me, I just wanted to hang out with my friends. It was a really lovely afternoon. (And there were no cringe games, I agree the chocolate in nappies one is bizarre!!) I really hope none of my friends thought me ‘grabby’...I guess if they’re mumsnet users they probably did!!

midgwit · 02/05/2019 20:38

Passthecherrycoke agreed. All these people going on about how it's in such terrible taste to buy anything for a baby before it's born, I assume they didn't buy a car seat, pram, cot, any clothes etc until baby was born? Just sent their partner/family member/friend on a mad dash to the shops whilst they were still on the ward so they could bring the baby home...

churchthecat · 02/05/2019 20:42

I know several people who have lost babies in the third trimester.

The idea of a celebration before a live baby has arrived makes me very uncomfortable.

SandAndSea · 02/05/2019 20:49

Come round and give me things! Let's all talk about me and my life choices for a few hours!
Me! Me! ME! MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!

^^ This.

Oh, and not forgetting... "Tell me how loved I am and what a good mum I will be, repeatedly, whilst playing dull as old dish water, stupid games."

The worst of it is the immense pressure to attend. Anything you feel you can't get out of has to be bad.

Just, no.

SandAndSea · 02/05/2019 20:53

I feel better for getting that out there.