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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never drop off or pick DCs up from school

137 replies

brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 16:43

Due to FT work a childminder will have to do it but AIBU to feel a big disconnect with this part of my child's life? I will only go for parents evenings and such like.

OP posts:
Famalamaringwrong · 02/05/2019 16:45

What are your working hours?

MsVestibule · 02/05/2019 16:48

I'm glad I was able to do it, but if you can't, you can't 🤷‍♀️. No point worrying about something you can't change and I doubt it will scar them for life.

BlingLoving · 02/05/2019 16:48

YANBU. If your work hours mean you can't do drop off and pick up, so be it. As log as your childminder is reliable and considerate (eg filling you in on anything you need to know/informal chats with teachers etc) there's no problem. And assuming your school does class WhatsApp groups etc you can stay in touch with other parents that way.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 02/05/2019 16:48

Well if you work FT then you can't really help it can you. I have to say, I work FT and when DS was little and at the beginning of primary it did make a difference as obviously at that age the friendships were forged by the mums and the kids ended up playing together. People tended not to bother with DS as they didn't know me. However, at the grand old age of 16 he has lots of friends now so it did no harm. But yes, ultimately and wrongly, it does make a difference. I didn't feel a disconnect though in any other way.

JaxTaylorDidIt · 02/05/2019 16:49

I didn't do any pick ups or drop offs for the first couple of years but I changed my hours after having a third child and I'm sorry to say I did miss out. Going to birthday parties and everyone knew one another whereas I knew nobody apart from a friend who's child was in the same year.
If you can't do it then you can't do it, it won't hurt your children.

Twotome · 02/05/2019 16:51

Is there any way to be there for 1 pick up and drop off? I do think it is important to be involved with their school and to know the teacher.

adaline · 02/05/2019 16:54

My parents never did drop-offs or pick-ups and to be honest, I really didn't like it. I either had to stay in aftercare until 6pm, or go home with a childminder while all my friends went home at 3. Before school I either went with my childminder or again was in breakfast club.

I think it would be nice if you could arrange to go occasionally, even if it's only once a week or so.

megletthesecond · 02/05/2019 16:54

If you can I'd try and do one pick up. It does seem to help keep me in the loop and meet other parents.

But it's not the end of the world if you really can't. Paying the bills is more important.

Original poster
brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 16:59

I really can't, unfortunately.

OP posts:
PlugUgly1980 · 02/05/2019 16:59

We both work full time but put inflexible working requests so between us we can do drop off on a morning 4 days a week (grandparents do the 5th). We the use after school club so never do pick ups. I find the morning contact really helps, quick 5 minute chat with other parents and can pass on any messages to teacher, etc. My 5 year old was use to full time nursery, but she struggles with going to after school club every night, not the length of the day, but the fact she sees her friends going home with their parents, so they he guilt is hard for us too. I make an extra effort to take time off to go in for special assemblies, plays, open evenings, etc.

Butchyrestingface · 02/05/2019 16:59

I didn’t get dropped off or picked up at school in the 1980s, nor did many of my friends. We walked there and back. I survived.

No need for any angst.

rainbowbash · 02/05/2019 16:59

If you can't, you can't. There is no point stressing over it. And you aren't missing much. I do the school runs (work school hours) and TBF, it's and extra chore AM and afternoon.

I don't have much connect with other parents either. I find that mainly sahms connect as they meet up when the DC are in school. And I am not doing the school run to make friends...

PlugUgly1980 · 02/05/2019 17:00
  • in flexible
BlingLoving · 02/05/2019 17:03

I think all these people who are telling you to try harder because it is important is partly where the problem is. It shouldn't matter at all. DH and I do all drop offs and pick ups and i can honestly say that chatting with the teacher is something we almost never do and if there is a problem the school contacts us anyway. Join the school's social media pages, whats app groups etc if you want to engage with the general vibe. And of course, if you can, sign up to participate in things like the PTA (eg attending evening meetings or helping at fairs on the weekend or whatever). But even that is onely if you feel it's important to be involved with the school.

Original poster
brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 17:04

Different (and not particularly pleasant) times though Butchy

OP posts:
Iggly · 02/05/2019 17:05

I would try because I know the kids really appreciate it - I worked in a job with a long commute but had one day off.

I found it harder working so much once they were at school.

What about your partner if you have one? Can he?

Allyg1185 · 02/05/2019 17:07

I do all drop offs and pick ups as I work 9.15am to 2.45pm however because I work these hours I can't go along to any assemblies, open morning, stay and plays, sports days etc I keep holiday hours back for the nativity the rest is filled in by Grandparents, Aunties etc swings and roundabouts really. I don't beat myself up about it

Butchyrestingface · 02/05/2019 17:07

Different (and not particularly pleasant) times though Butchy

Different, certainly. Not sure what you mean by not particularly pleasant though - then or now?

gorgeousgeorgian · 02/05/2019 17:08

No it shouldn’t matter but it can - i would try and setup some play dates, but I found people mostly wanted them in the week, after school. It is probably more of a thing under age 9-10, by the time they set their own friends rather than their parents facilitating.

You can only do what you can do - plenty of chances to meet people at school events. Parent council is a good way to be involved too, meetings early evening usually.

Original poster
brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 17:08

Then.

No Iggly and it makes me feel crap especially as I can't do shows or such like either. No grandparents.

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 02/05/2019 17:09

You won't be the only one.

gorgeousgeorgian · 02/05/2019 17:09

I’d definitely consider parent council or pta then for feeling involved and will work - we even have kids at ours with headphones on

adaline · 02/05/2019 17:09

@BlingLoving for me it's more because I wanted to go home at 3 and see my parents or have play dates - I couldn't because my parents worked so it never happened as they couldn't ever reciprocate.

As an adult I obviously understand that people have to work and that it's not always possible to be available for school runs but I do think it's a nice thing to do for your children at least occasionally when possible.

blackteasplease · 02/05/2019 17:10

If you can't you can't!

I quite like being able to drop off and occasionally pick up tbh. I didn't used to be able to and i did feel a bit disconnected.

However you child will not really miss out by you not being able to do this, it's more you who feels it.

If you can keep some annual leave for plays and things that's always nice.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 02/05/2019 17:12

My mum didn’t do any pick ups or drop offs ever unless she had annual leave. My dad did morning drop offs and a childminder did pick ups. I’m fine, my sister is fine. I don’t think it affected us at all.

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