To never drop off or pick DCs up from school

[brusselandromley]

Due to FT work a childminder will have to do it but AIBU to feel a big disconnect with this part of my child's life? I will only go for parents evenings and such like.

I’ve worried about this too OP. I don’t have kids yet, but as my husband and I are both out of the house between 7.45am and 6.45pm every day (and I am often later) our future kids will have to be taken to and from school by a childminder. I wish it could be different but you have to work with your circumstances!

It helps me to think about some of the positives. You will still get lots of valuable family time with your kids in the evenings and weekends, and your kids obviously benefit from you working, both financially and in terms of the example you set.

DD is 8 and until very recently I haven’t done any school runs due to work. My ex husband did them. Now we are divorced my family or the ex still do 90% of them. Dd is just fine. She does love it if I can pick up so you might want to take a half day at end of terms to do collecting. I also think a cm is a much better answer than a lot of time in after school club.

At least you get school holidays. I work full time with a long commute to London and can't do drop off or pick ups, and work during the school holidays. I have to make a conscious effort to not feel guilty daily.

My sil is a secondary teacher and works 4 days a week. She was allowed time off for an hour to take her DS to nursery in his first days of school
A mum in my sons class is a secondary teacher works 3 days. She’s on our WhatsApp group and is very involved. She’s always been allowed time off for special things.
Another mum again a secondary teacher works 5 days but always manages to get time off for special assemblies. It’s only once or twice a year. Everyone knows her, she comes to all the school parties, is involved in our class Facebook page. She doesn’t do any school runs but she’s actively involved when she can be.

I run my own business and set it up so I an do the school run. I drop them off in the bus bay and pick them up at the shop down the road as parking is a nightmare. We have class based apps for staying touch with teachers.

Hbstowe - you will struggle to have quality time with kids in the evenings if you can't ever get home before 6.45pm. No matter what the parent would like, it's quite normal (in the northern latitudes where it's dark & cold in the evenings for a good chunk of the year) for children to need to be in bed by about 7/7.30pm and you won't find much childcare that will last til 6.45pm. Many people in that situation end up flexing, eg one parent goes in v early & leaves early, other does late, this is what I do & it works really well. An 11 hour day in childcare can be exhausting for a child.

Don't stress it. My kids are bus wankers so I never go to school!! I did used to do drop off Every now and again just for kicks.....but some parents are complete arses so CBA. The Head stands outside the gates. I have a child with SEN so obviously we don't see eye to eye!!!
You've got a job to do....and that's just the it is! I've your kids have an amazing time with the childminder!

The school run is ruddy awful, you’re not missing anything.

My DP went to private school so had no experience with state schools and couldn’t believe it when he found out they only go for six hours a day. His first reaction was ‘but most people start work at or before 9 so how do parents get them to school?!’ School hours are rather silly given that many parents work 9-5 jobs so I got his point.

I teach myself so my DP drops them off at breakfast club and the CM collects them. On mat leave this year so have had the ‘pleasure’ myself, it feels torturous at times .

OP, I get it. When my DD started school I was a single parent working full time and relied on a childminder 5 days a week.
I felt the same guilt about not being involved which was made worse by the school which seemed to assume that there was always a parent at home or nearby who could pop into school at the drop of a hat - I found it hard and felt guilty that I wasn't at special assemblies or coming in at 2pm on a random Wednesday to see her work so far this term.
Make sure the teacher and the school know you work and that you need lots of notice for events - I complained a couple of times about events my daughter was apparently picked out for, got excited about and was then devastated she couldn't go because it was on Thursday, I was told on the Monday and parents had to arrange transport themselves to and from this event in the middle of the school day!!
As others have suggested, try and do the PTA stuff when you can, I'm on the PTA now but they all know I can't do stuff in the day so I help out at quiz nights, fetes, I'll design forms and print stuff out (things I can do in at lunchtime). Also FB pages, parents WhatsApp groups.
My DD still went on playdates but I made it clear I couldn't reciprocate mid week but did do a few at weekends.
Also save a couple of days holiday a year to go to Sports Day and the nativity.
Good luck!

I always dropped off at breakfast club 7:30am if I was home, and dp always collected the dc. But I remember going to collect them one day and being asked ‘oooooo are you a new mum?’, a few mums burst out laughing and said no snowys been here longer than all of us but she’s normally working. To be honest I don’t know which one of us was more embarrassed- even though I knew I had nothing to be embarrassed about!

OP so many working parents feel that same pull of guilt tinged with sadness that you do. I completely understand. I leave home every morning at 7.30am, drop my babies off with the CM, who is brilliant! And I don't get home until 6.30pm, 5 days a week. I then have an obligatory networking dinner with clients once every 6 weeks or so which means a babysitter for that evening.

I'm also a lone parent so there's no other parent to share my guilt with, my ex-husband sees my children once every 5 weeks.

I've rationalised it as my children are happy, healthy, settled and very, very loved which they know. My soon to be 12 year old still laughs with me, gets into my bed to cuddle with me and tell me about her day and we all spend as much time together as we can at the weekends. I've also dropped all of their after school activities, we were out driving around to different places 4 nights a week, not getting home until 9 some nights, as 3 children, different ages and stages and different activities. It was becoming too tiring and very stressful for all of us. We are so much more relaxed now and we come home in the evening and all decompress together. I don't get to attend school performances, assemblies or awards and only make parents evenings. I can't change life for us as I need to work and I enjoy my career. Be sure in your choices for your family, you're doing great. Just talk to them about school as much as you can. All will be well :)

I wouldn’t give it another thought, OP. I chatted to my seven year old’s teacher this morning for the only time this year apart from parents’ evening, as I never do drop off or pick up, and haven’t since Reception.

It’s never occurred to me to have a moment’s guilt. Why would it? I’m providing for my child.