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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To never drop off or pick DCs up from school

137 replies

brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 16:43

Due to FT work a childminder will have to do it but AIBU to feel a big disconnect with this part of my child's life? I will only go for parents evenings and such like.

OP posts:

Leeds2 · 02/05/2019 18:07

If it can't be helped, it can't be helped. And that will be your child's "normal" so probably won't stress them.
I would try and volunteer to help at PTA events - at my DD's school the meetings were always in the evening, and events in the evening or at weekend. Needn't be an onerous commitment - just manning a stall for 30 mins would be a great help! If you aren't prepared to help, then at least try and attend a weekend Christmas/Summer fair - you will get to see your child's friends, and their parents, then.

anothermansmother · 02/05/2019 18:07

I don't do any of the pick ups for my dd and drop off to a breakfast club, who then drop her to school. I'm one if 2 parents out of 30 in my ds class that work, so she does often ask if I can pick her up. It's just the norm in our house, my friend is a stay st home mum and hates the bitchiness politics of the playground pickups. I think I've done 1 so far this year and I'm glad I don't have to do it daily.

Youngandfree · 02/05/2019 18:09

If it makes you feel any better, I do all drop offs and collections and I think I have seen dd’s classroom about 5 times. I drop her off and they play in yard and then they line up and go in. Then on collecting the teacher looks out the door and calls dd and she comes out.

AJPTaylor · 02/05/2019 18:10

I turned myself inside out to pick up older dds twice a week
They are adults now. They have no memory of this at all.

gorgeousgeorgian · 02/05/2019 18:11

I do think you learn an enormous amount going to the parent council/pta evening things. More than any other way really.

MordredsOrrery · 02/05/2019 18:12

Ah OP, no need to feel bad about this.

My mam was a teacher. Right from my first day of school the bus took us in and back, and that was fine. We were met off the bus by the child minder, this was also fine. We had no idea that this wasn't the norm and certainly don't feel we missed out in any way

Echobelly · 02/05/2019 18:13

I used to do Monday dropoff and pickup (though evenings were generally drama club after school) just to touch base when working from home. Kids otherwise variously had childminders, after school club and lately au pairs. I still did Monday drop offs even though we had an au pair last school year because I dropped youngest right outside classroom, but now he is in KS2 and they go straight upstairs, it didn't feel worth it, as it wasn't like I could grab a quick word with the teacher and honestly one morning a week hardly made me feel more connected than never being there. I think it's just the reality for parents who work ft.

Gottalovesummer · 02/05/2019 18:17

I'm a cm and look after several teachers children.

Find yourself a good childminder that your kids feel really happy and relaxed with. My after school kids LOVE coming to mine. We do a mixture of

Park/beach/garden/painting/crafts/games/reading/relax if busy.

They play with their friends at mine and I give them dinner.

They usually don't want to go home at 6p.m..

I'll also go to sports days to cheer them on if parents can't make it.

Find the right cm and I assure you it'll be fine. You have a job that makes it impossible to be at school so that's where we come in to help you.

Good luck x

Owwlie · 02/05/2019 18:17

I work in a secondary school (specifically in cover) and have covered plenty of lessons for teachers who are having 'special leave' for their child's school play.

In all the schools I've worked at you simply request it as childcare leave to the headteacher and it's always been approved.

Boysnme · 02/05/2019 18:18

When I went back to work FT when the kids were at school I felt the same. I managed to negotiate an early finish one day a week so I could interact with the school. I can honestly say I never saw the teacher, barely saw any of their friends and talked to the odd parent I already knew. Even though I still finish early on occasions I now don’t do pick ups, they walk home themselves and are happy with this arrangement.

Unfortunately you are not in a position to do any and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. You’ll feel part enough of their school through Facebook, emails,school apps etc for it to work out. If I ever need to speak to a teacher I email and they phone at a convenient time for them when I probably have a better conversation than at the school gate. We also don’t get near the class at drop off / pick up.

Try not to feel too guilty about it, you’ll not be the only parent in this boat

Original poster

brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 18:23

Ok Owwlie and that might be possible (though unlikely) as a one off but I'm really talking about the day to day stuff.

Thanks for the answers, reassuring :)

OP posts:

cardibach · 02/05/2019 18:23

In all the schools I've worked at you simply request it as childcare leave to the headteacher and it's always been approved
I worked in a school where a teacher wasn’t given permission to leave to attend his pregnant wife’s scan. He wanted to miss one lesson, which didn’t need any cover. Not all schools are nice places for staff.
I am a teacher. I never did drop off and I did pick up only when my school had an early finish due to inset compressed hours. DD (now 22) wasn’t even slightly bothered.

MsAwesomeDragon · 02/05/2019 18:24

Dd2 is in year 4 and I can count on one hand the number of drop offs or pick ups I've done. She's fine with the childminder, in fact I think she lives the childminder more than she loves me at times.

With dd1 I had 6 months where I managed to do drop offs and pick ups, but that was only because I was on maternity leave. She's fine, she's a lovely young adult now.

Original poster

brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 18:25

Problem is everyone is assuming all schools are like their schools.

We have one CS. School doesn't employ supply teachers so all cover is done internally.

I'm also not local so would need two lessons covering. And I have two children.

OP posts:

MordredsOrrery · 02/05/2019 18:26

Gottalovesummer is right. We got on really well with our childminder. She became a family friend and, 30 years on, she's been to our weddings and other big family events and we still see her regularly.

Redpostbox · 02/05/2019 18:29

Lucky you OP! It's a chore I don't enjoy. I have to do it once a week.

Passthecherrycoke · 02/05/2019 18:30

I thought most schools had whatsapp groups/ Facebook groups etc for staying in touch? My husband will do drop offs and maybe pick ups but I will only do them occasionally, my job isn’t as inflexible as yours but I still work FT. I know very few people amongst my friend and family who do drop offs and pick ups. They’d have to be SAHP really wouldn’t they?

Agree with a PP about bused students- sure they don’t miss out

MsAwesomeDragon · 02/05/2019 18:30

In my school if I want a lesson off to see my child's play (I would need at least 2 lessons due to the distance between the 2 schools) I need to arrange my own cover. So if I have a friend who is free those lessons and they are willing to do me a favour like that then I can go, if nobody is free who is willing to do that favour for me I can't go. So I've only ever made it to the reception Nativity. DH and my parents have gone to any other performances, which has been fine.

gorgeousgeorgian · 02/05/2019 18:31

The CM suggestion is a good one, it’s also more relaxing than ASC, I wish I’d been able to find one.

Original poster

brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 18:31

Well yes, but if I never get to see them how will they know which groups to add me to, if you see what I mean?

There are a lot of SAHP / part time parents where I am.

OP posts:

countrymousesussex · 02/05/2019 18:31

As a primary teacher (i taught the littlies for many years before moving up to KS2), I can’t say that it makes a massive difference in the long run to the children if they are picked up/dropped off by CM. In fact, I’ve often found that children who’ve been in childcare from an early age have great social, self care and independence skills. They might struggle at first, but usually adapt well.

You might feel that you’re missing out on some of the parents’ socialising.....BUT if you can get involved with Facebook, WhatsApp groups etc you should be fine. We have plenty of full time working families who do that.

FWIW our DD (and any possible siblings) will either be coming to the school at which I teach and thus hanging out in my classroom before/after school, going to wraparound or collected by grandparents. I can’t envision this limiting their future lives tbh.

countrymousesussex · 02/05/2019 18:32

Sorry, x post - there’s normally an email sent round by the PTA at our school asking for permission to add you to WhatsApp/Facebook groups at the start of the year.

Passthecherrycoke · 02/05/2019 18:35

I don't think whatsapp / facebook groups have anything to do with school pick up - I’ve seen people asking in local Facebook groups “if your child is starting x school in September join this group” - maybe join your local towns Facebook group?

Also I presume you or your partner will do some kind of settling them into school? First day etc? That’s when that sort of thing is set up

Original poster

brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 18:39

No - we will both be at work.

OP posts:

thaegumathteth · 02/05/2019 18:41

I’d try and attend fairs or whatever and volunteer to help at evening discos etc. It might not be your kind of thing but it’s a way to feel that you’re involved.

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