To never drop off or pick DCs up from school

[brusselandromley]

Due to FT work a childminder will have to do it but AIBU to feel a big disconnect with this part of my child's life? I will only go for parents evenings and such like.

I would try and make the effort in other way - join football or swimming on a Saturday morning so you can meet parents that way. Or join the PTA, it’s a great way to meet people and often they need behind the scenes help not just people who can do a bake sale.

Try and plan your holidays so you can take a half day once a month and arrange a play date for that day. Speak to you employer about doing drop off one day (appreciate this isn’t always possible)

Take the first week of school off work and be there, ask if there is a parents Facebook or what’s app group (or set one up)

You will undoubtedly miss some things but you or your child don’t have to miss out!

What about the kids who go to and from school on the bus? even if their parents pick them up from the bus stop they aren't seeing the teacher etc

It’s not seeing the teacher that’s the thing, it’s other parents seeing you.

Plenty of kids are dropped off and collected by childminders or out of school clubs, but you will need a plan be for your child's sickness and that of your childminder. If just ever so often you can pick up it will help you connect with the school but I'm sure many parents find this impossible

I'm not too fussed about other parents, it is more as I say feeling disconnected to a place that will be a big part of my children's life.

You will not be alone but try and volunteer for school fairs attend drinks etc. You will get to know some this way. And try and meet the class reps for a coffee/drink so they know who you are

No need for all the angst. I've never done it. Neither has dh. I doubt he's given it a second thought.

I make the most of the time I do spend with them. Guilt doesn't help here.

See it as an opportunity op. You will never ever get involved with playground politics. You will be spared the gossip.

Be involved in all other ways, always offer to man the stalls at the fair on Saturday. Go to as many events as you can. Invite your children's friends (and parents) over at the weekends, and make sure the homework is done to a good standard.

This is good parenting, whether you pick them up or drop them off is of no consequence.

But the parents are a really good way to be connected to the school. They don’t have to be best friends but if you know some parents you will know what’s happening if you can’t be there and your DC will make friends easier.

In that case though, how will waiting about in a school playground help a feeling of connection? The only practical use of this is being there for your kids if they need extra support, as mine do, and setting up play dates with other parents.

If you’re not interested in building a play date network (and tbf if you work ft then you may not need that) the mm why worry?

The fact is, if you can't do drop offs and pick ups, you can't do it because you're working and doing your best for them. That's not bad..

I was there for drop off and pick up and I really don't think you are missing much. Everyone is half asleep so morning drop of is literally over in seconds - and afternoon pick up is a minefield of cliquey mum groups. The race to get to speak to the teacher first is good entertainment though. Ughh - I just used to stand over the road and swoop when I spotted DC's.

I think assemblies and special events are lovely if you can get the time off for those. But apart from that I wouldn't let anyone upset or guilt trip you into thinking you should be there every day.

Yes you find out lots from other parents

Because if I only go to their school a couple of times a year I'm not really properly part of it ... I don't know!

Don't stress about it. Your child is cared for and you are making a living to support them.

How many fathers are worrying about this playdate stuff?

If the school communicates sensibly with parents (most use email, parent port type stuff etc rather than relying solely on speaking to teachers and office staff) then it shouldn't matter to your children's education.

If there's a mix of kids with working and SAH parents then your kids won't be the only ones in after school care.

In dd's class most kids have two working parents and aren't picked up by parents most days so playdates, party invites etc are done via WhatsApp. It doesn't feel cliquey at all.

You’re worrying too much - I worked ft for ages, there are still lots of pta events, pc events you can choose to get involved with if you feel disconnected so you know the school and they are usually on Twitter so you can see updates fairly often

And yes, my dh has never worried about feeling disconnected either

I'm not worrying about playdate stuff and we do have a pretty equal marriage.

I am just wanting to be part of my kids lives.

If there are lots of Birthday parties in the reception year, you’ll soon pick up with the other parents. I would use half day leave for Xmas play and sports day tho’ Top tip for bake sales etc find contact who home bakes and loves it to make it less stressful all round, mince pies lightly distress by rolling a pin over the top of shop bought - job lot of light sifted icing sugar over the top jobs a good ‘un!

You’ve had plenty of suggestions, wait and see how things go

WHat is half day leave?

I think people are misunderstanding my point a bit here :)

I am not talking about cakes or playdates. I'm talking about the fact that I won't see my child's teacher or classroom much, recognise her friends and things like that.

school events and pta events are a good way to see her friends and her classroom.

I work full time - 9-5 and sometimes Saturdays too. I take 15 mins off my lunch break and go in for 9.15am and other days I accrue TOIL and leave early for the school run.

If you can’t you can’t, what can you do realistically. It’s the way it is.

I like being able to do the school run when I’m not at work as it’s an opportunity to talk to the teacher and I’ve made mum friends. It’s also a great way of finding out school info that the children would never tell you.