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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never drop off or pick DCs up from school

137 replies

brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 16:43

Due to FT work a childminder will have to do it but AIBU to feel a big disconnect with this part of my child's life? I will only go for parents evenings and such like.

OP posts:
Original poster
brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 17:40

Yes but what school events do you mean? Because if they take place in the school day I can't go: likewise pta (and I really don't fancy that tbh.)

OP posts:
ImportantWater · 02/05/2019 17:43

I don’t do any of the drop offs or pick ups, apart from once in a blue moon, DH has always done that. It hasn’t made much of a difference I don’t think. I feel I know the school very well through attending endless Christmas plays, harvest festivals, fetes, sports days etc. Will you be able to attend any of those? I knew their friends because of the ongoing round of weekend birthday parties and that is also how I got to know other mums and dads. Also, weirdly, despite the fact DH does all the drop offs and pick ups for the first few years it was always me who got the texts about play dates, parties etc.

ImportantWater · 02/05/2019 17:43

Sorry cross post re harvest festival etc

Original poster
brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 17:44

I don't think it makes a difference whether it is me or dh, I just feel a bit bad that DD will never have a parent pick her up!

I won't really be able to attend anything during the day.

OP posts:
Invisimamma · 02/05/2019 17:45

Are you a teacher? Because this is one of the only jobs I think that you'd never make any school shows, or drop offs. Most parents can do a few a year even if hey work full time.

Original poster
brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 17:46

Yup

OP posts:
gorgeousgeorgian · 02/05/2019 17:47

Plenty of pta events are after work hours, curriculum evenings are as the title says, in the evening. Annual reviews are - plenty of school and pta events.

Your posts do come across as very negative - in the end despite having a good job I decided I wasn’t above making tickets for pta events so I could feel more involved as I had such limited opportunities in the day.

Romax · 02/05/2019 17:48

Yes you’re right to worry you’ll feel disconnected.

Forget the other parents, seeing the teacher etc etc
It’s about the odd chat that might happen on way home, the friendship problem, the sports success - seems important at 3.30, often forgotten or excitement dimmed by 7

In a nutshell, do what you can to mean you pick up at least once a fortnight. I only do 1x a week myself, sometimes twice - but I’d lose a lot before I lost those pick ups

museumum · 02/05/2019 17:48

But play dates are how you get to know your kids friends Confused
And we never get inside the classroom at drop off or pick up.

Blankiefan · 02/05/2019 17:48

DH and I changed our hours so we could each do one pick up per week. The idea was to stay connected to the school. It makes no difference whatsoever! We get to spend some after school time with dd so that's good but you don't get to chat with the teacher unless there's an issue and a pre-arranged meeting

There are lots of school hours events that you're invited to tho. Maybe ine every other month. We try to send one of us or a grandparent so she has a grown up. Its not obligatory but does keep us connected to school. I feel really bad when we can't send someone for her. But they're not fragile and won't break. We've a good group of girls and mums who all know each other so we look out for each other's kids if someone can't make it.

gorgeousgeorgian · 02/05/2019 17:48

You’re a teacher posting for advice on how to be involved in school life? Our HT is on the pta at her kid’s school

Acis · 02/05/2019 17:49

Won't you ever be able to take ordinary leave off to see a production your child is in?

Romax · 02/05/2019 17:50

Teacher, ah

You approach your head. You say once a fortnight you need to leave a little early. No negotiation. You need to. It’s a parental reason. You wouldn’t lose your job over it. You would gain that time with your children

CottonSock · 02/05/2019 17:51

My mum never did, we got the school bus. I don't now..planning to get more involved via pta. You do miss out unfortunately, as it was very different the year I did the school run on maternity leave

Original poster
brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 17:52

I teach secondary. Secondary is VERY different to primary, especially reception.

Romax er yes, you would Hmm

I can't just Not Teach period 5 every other week!

OP posts:
Parker231 · 02/05/2019 17:54

DH and I rarely did the school gates. DH dropped them off at breakfast club and I collected from after school club. DC’s loved their school clubs and we avoided school gates politics. I see not doing school gates as a positive.

Romax · 02/05/2019 17:54

Well you can actually

Once a fortnight.

With that attitude you definitely wouldn’t swing it though. So you just need to suck it up. I wouldn’t though

Original poster
brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 17:56

Romax, no, you really cannot. Trust me. It is not my attitude, it is contractual obligations.

I am teaching from 8:40 - 3.

I cannot slope off midway through lesson 5.

OP posts:
QuickQuestion2019 · 02/05/2019 17:58

@brusselandromley is your DP/DH suffering from similar guilt? Has his flexible working been checked?

dirtystinkyrats · 02/05/2019 17:59

This is basically why I didn't go back to teaching - never being able to see a single play, assembly etc. As well as breakfast club not opening early enough for me to get to work on time.

Can you drop a day?

Original poster
brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 17:59

Quick, rest assured, DH is just as involved with the children as I am.

OP posts:
AnyFarrahFowler · 02/05/2019 17:59

My parents were both teachers so couldn’t do drop off or pick up, me & DB had a childminder. It honestly never bothered me. They tried to make it to Sports Days and Christmas plays where they could. My Mum joined the PTA to keep “in the loop” as it were - as a teacher myself I don’t know where she found the time!

Original poster
brusselandromley · 02/05/2019 18:00

It would be difficult dirty ... hoping it might be possible in the future though

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 02/05/2019 18:00

Ha! Can you imagine if half the secondary school teachers nipped out early in a Friday afternoon!

dameofdilemma · 02/05/2019 18:06

In three years of school I've only needed to speak to dd's teacher at parents evening.

Unless there's a particular concern you shouldnt need to rely on other parents or catching the teacher at 3pm for info. Assuming the school is in the 21st century.