When a waitress calls you 'dear'

[Rafabella8]

What does everyone think of this? Regardless of age (late 40s in my case) I find it pretty condescending and patronising to be called 'dear' by a waitress. However friendly they are being. It happened to me today - how would you react?

TooTrueToBeGood

A lowly waitress being overly familiar? How very fucking dare she. She obviously doesn't know her place. I hope you gave her both barrels Hyacinth.

Love it! Not a trace of sarcasm 😀

@Bookworm4 - yeah I think the point is the oddness from a stranger - especially if it's not a term used on mass locally.

Madam is professional and acceptable from a stranger

In your opinion.

I find it falsely smarmy, it makes me feel old, and it's unnecessarily formal. Makes me very uncomfortable.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe 👍

OP, never move up north. You'll probably need a wahmbulance for emergency rectal stick removal within minutes of entering any shop or cafe.

'Madam' makes me feel old
'Guys' makes me cringe so hard that my neck hurts

I suspect part of this is regional,
round these parts you usually get 'love', 'flower', 'cocker' or even 'duck' so 'dear' wouldn't bother me in the slightest. You need to get out more OP.

emergency rectal stick removal

Round here it would be love or cock, just a term of endearment,it doesn't bother me ,babe or hun ,irritates me a but but not enough to get worked up about .

@alligatorsmile - of course!! It's all opinion based! That's exactly why I asked for opinions!!

Mums et is becoming increasingly odd these days. The things people get worked up about are quite juvenile.

I would think it was them being nice and it would make me feel happy.
Everyone uses different phrases.

@Bookworm4

I know! And when I told him off for being inappropriate once, he told me to eff off. I'm really not that easily offended. But I do object to people half my age calling me babe and love.

Actually, you've just made a bit of a point here: if a male boss calling a female member of staff 'babe' is really inappropriate, most companies now do not allow this kind of language, why is it appropriate for waiters and waitresses, shop staff, delivery drivers and all and sundry to do so too?

.

doesn't bother me

I call people darling and sweetheart all the time

Where I'm from it would be duck or my duck. Usually pronounced miduck.

As long as it's said with affection, I wouldn't be concerned.

@gokartdillydilly
Your boss is in a position of authority, these other people are one off casual interactions but still not welcome; I don't like it.

I really don't get the being permanently offended that I see on Mumsnet, it almost seems like a full-time occupation on these days. It is as though people go looking for something to be offended by. Most people have more important things to be worrying about. If someone wants to call me love, dear, duck and does their job politely and efficiently I'm happy. I don't particularly like being called "mate" but I let it pass and don't give it any headspace.

I think it depends on tone, as others have said.

I work in construction, on the technical side at management level, have done for 25 years, and still get salesmen referring to me as "dear" and asking for my boss. They are being sexist and condescending, but I would have thought cafe staff are just being friendly saying it?

You seriously need to unclench OP

Context and tone to me again. Said in a condescending manner or with withering sarcasm then it annoys me. Said in a friendly manner with good intentions I don't mind - sounds a bit odd to me when it comes from someone much younger though.

I don't know why I like 'duck' and 'miduck' so much but I just do.

Wouldn't bother me at all.

On the other hand, if total strangers call me "hun" on social media I do have to restrain myself from telling them to fuck off.

Even if I was addressed using a term I don’t personally like (Hun!), I would never say anything if the person had used it in an attempt to be friendly and polite.

I hate being called 'guys'. Not all that keen on being called 'Mrs' or 'lady' but accept that from a non English person.

I don't mind most other things though, dear is fine.

You do realise that waiting staff aren't psychic right and don't know you or your preferences over what you like/dislike as soon as you walk in the door?
Look at all the different preferences on here, how the fuck could anyone know your preference when they've never laid eyes on you before? One person hates dear, next one doesn't mind it, another doesn't like madam, someone else thinks it's more professional, some dislike guys, some don't care......
Surely as long as you get polite service and decent food that's what matters?
And clearly the waitress element isn't irrelevant or you wouldn't have mentioned it.
Be grateful it wasn't "Oi" - that seems to be an acceptable way to address anyone in a service position. Oh with a smattering of cunt sometimes, that's always lovely!