When a waitress calls you 'dear'

[Rafabella8]

What does everyone think of this? Regardless of age (late 40s in my case) I find it pretty condescending and patronising to be called 'dear' by a waitress. However friendly they are being. It happened to me today - how would you react?

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

Lol no problem With it from me.

Get a grip @TooTrueToBeGood* . That's not what I meant - at all. It was a waitress - that was the situation I was in. It could have been any stranger in any situation.*

Me get a grip? I'm not the one getting offended and starting ridiculous threads over complete non-issues. Crack on dear.

Doesn't bother me either.

My OH calls me dear. I've told him I'm not keen on that because it sounds like he's taking the piss, but it's what his dad called his mum and it's just what he does. I know it's not meant the way it seems to me. He's Cornish and his father was from up north, I don't know if that makes a difference. But I wouldn't sweat it. There's a host of terms of endearment or respect or whatever which people learn and you can't please everybody.

My male boss calls me 'babe'. I like it.

The younger-than-me waitress in the restaurant on Sunday called me ' babe' and I nearly throttled her. The woman in the bar last night called me 'sweet', 'bab' and 'darlin' (in one small beer-buying transaction!) and I found it utterly puke-making for some reason. The male bar staff called me madam. So much more professional!

I'm confused by my own opinion on endearments. Or is it because they are strangers doing it whereas I've known my boss for 20 years?

I quite like being a dear but for some reason I don’t like being a guy as in, “Hi guys, what can I get you?”

@Nanny0gg . The waitress element was irrelevant . It was a stranger and no I would feel the same way if a stranger said it too.

However friendly they are being. It happened to me today - how would you react

I wouldn't.

Are you being serious? Good god that’s pathetic

I agree.

She could of called you old dear which would of been worse. If she was being friendly then take it with a pinch of salt. Honestly some of the stupid things people post on here like being called dear like it's the worse thing in the world! Is your life that bad OP?

@recrudescence . That's interesting. I don't mind 'hi guys' at all. I guess it may be perceived differently depending on where you live?

I live up north. Everyone is love, dear or pet. I find it very affectionate. I hate it when southerners complain about these terms of endearment (and I am originally a southerner myself). I witnessed a woman having a right go at a sweet old Yorkshire man who called her love. She was horrible to him. Here everyone's a love whether they're male, female, old or young. It's not all condescending.

Can't say it would bother me.

Slow news day?

Wouldn’t bother me at all.

I did find a nurse in a&e repeatedly calling me “babes” a bit annoying but she meant it kindly and it wasn’t her fault I was stressed and feeling narky so I just kept smiling.

OP, people aren’t trolls because they disagree with you

"Dear" is for the old or very young here, so I'd find it annoying. "Love" is usual between anyone regardless of sex and I wouldn't notice - probably use it myself sometimes without thinking.

Being called darling or sweetheart by male shop assistants will usually get a "Thanks, pet" in a dismissive tone which really annoys them... call me young lady and I really will go ballistic unless you're at least 5 years older than me.

I do try to keep in mind that speakers of other languages must find all this confusing.

I wouldn't react because I don't think it's a big deal. And, I don't think you know what a troll is.

I LOVE it when strangers use endearments

@gokartdillydilly so basically it’s fine when a man does it but you nearly “throttle” them when it’s a woman, yes?

I’d take it as the term of endearment/friendly gesture it was intended and respond in a similarly friendly manner. Then I’d go about my day and not be at all troubled by it.
This ^^. I'd probably be quite happy at the fact that she was friendly. I'd much prefer to have my spirits lifted by a smile and a bit of pleasantness than dampened by a grouch.

@Rafabella8 you don't mind "guys" but hate "dear" - do you have internal misogyny you need to examine? Do you default to seeing "female" terms as lesser?

Wouldn't worry me in the slightest. I've been called "hen", "young lady", "dear", "love" all sorts. All meant kindly and received as such. I am no longer called "young lady" now that I am older though.

@gokartdillydilly - at last!!! A meaningful response! I get your rationale (although my own particular boss would have been throttled if he called me babe!). I think Madam is professional and acceptable from a stranger. When I worked in the service industry I would have used madam and sir. Basic non intrusive, non patronising acceptable language. .