To stop mentioning kids at job interviews

[AlwaysHangryy]

I've had a few interviews since having kids and have none got any of them. When they ask about me I usually mention I have two kids and have been a stay at home mum for two years blady blah and I never get any of these jobs.

Before having kids i use to get whatever job I interviewed for so I'm not sure whether it's down to me and I'm rubbish at interviews now or it's down to me mentioning my kids.

I've kind of given up applying for jobs as I just never get past the interview stage.

jumping on Chatcats post - as a single parent, I have been In positions where having an odd day or 2 off last minute twice a year and used holidays in kind to cover it was more slated, especially by those without dependants getting to pissed the night before every other month or 2 , or lots of sick days with a cough last minute mini break etc etc so yes I get people might see family as a hindrance but there's a good work ethic vs talking the piss. An interviewer will be more bothered by unexplained absences

Hi
@chatcat

While i get your comment did you know:-

Children

Interview Question You Can Ask: After hiring, ask the number and ages of children for insurance purposes.

Interview Questions You Cannot Ask: Do you have children at home? How old are they? Who cares for them? Do you plan on having more?

The reason for this is discrimination against an interviewee

It saddens me that we have got to 2019 and yet women still have to duck and dive in interviews with regard to being a SAHP. And that families are seen as a "hindrance" so disappointing IMO

I wouldn't dare ask anything so blatant! I think you can ask people what they do outside of work and for most people who have children, they do mention them.

I learned that way too. I stopped mentioning my kids and only did when asked. If they say what have you been doing then you say it, but also say something like been keeping busy and need a new challenge etc.

My unmarried, childless friend missed many, many days of work bc she was sole carer for her brother and father. Both passed away last October.

She's currently off for 6 weeks due to ruptured appendicitis (appendix? Appendice?)

I remember her complaining that bc she didn't have children, she was the one made to stay late, etc.

DC are only part of life's difficulties.

I avoid mentioning children at all costs!
"My family commitments have changed and I'm very keen to return to a full time role as I have a range of experience in blah blah..."
Keep it vague...they may think you were caring for an elderly parent who's no longer around! It's awful but I think in many jobs young children are seen as a minus.

I never mention kids & you can just cover your time at home with a bit of fabrication on your cv. It shouldn't matter & for some / probably most companies it doesn't, but for lots of interviewers it does. People don't want someone in their team who will take time off.

It's awful but I think in many jobs young children are seen as a minus.

I absolutely agree with you.

I’ve never been a SAHM, always worked full-time, so I’ve never had to explain away gaps in my resume. My last job interview was four years ago, and I never mentioned that I had children.

When I was pregnant with my first many years ago, my coworkers’ attitudes toward me changed as my belly got bigger. They would make sly comments, say I wouldn't take the job seriously anymore, and suggest that I wouldn’t be able to do the job once my son was born. One of them (a man) said that I should take Vitamin B-12 to help with memory. Oddly enough, however, I never made mistakes, and certainly not because I wasn’t remembering things.

After DS1 was born, things got worse. They ransacked my desk when I was on business trips, deleted an important email I'd sent before one such trip, all of them claiming I'd never sent it, and stole a personal item from my desk. They suddenly saw me as a “liability” – strange, as the man who was the most critical of my ability to do my job post-child and said I wouldn't take it seriously was the one who regularly disappeared for two and a half hour lunches when the boss wasn’t around, which was frequently. Meanwhile, I always ate lunch while working at my desk.

Several years ago I read an article online about “things that HR personnel wanted you to know” (paraphrasing here). I remember two items from that article:

One man who conducted job interviews would “kindly” walk the potential candidate out to the car after the interview – this way he could see if there was a child’s car seat in the backseat.

A woman who conducted job interviews said she kept a picture of her sister’s children (she herself had no children) on her desk, facing towards the interviewee, to see if the interviewee would comment on the kids and possibly let spill information about his/her own family status / children in an effort to “bond.”

Here in the U.S., interviewers are not allowed to bluntly ask potential job candidates about marital status or children, but clearly they have their own cagey ways of finding out that information.

I also never mention my children in job interviews. I haven't got a gap in employment so it's pretty easy. If something spare time-wise comes up (usually in relation to how I manage stress) I say "yoga and running" - which is true enough just not the full picture.

If offered the job I always get a glimpse of the surprise of the hiring manager when I discuss flexible working option as part of the package before accepting the offer. I always get this sense of disbelief that I presented as this committed, experienced and driven candidate determined to excel they are really keen to have in their team...and then....shock horror....not only do I have children; I am also asking for flexibility....

This moment of silence after I have "dropped the bombshell" reminds me every single time to keep doing what I am doing as they clearly struggle to reconcile their image of the driven professional with that of a working mum.

In fairness, every single hiring manager has always come round and offered me at least some flexibility. Then obviously I never get a promotion so when the time comes that I am ready for the next step I need to get a new job elsewhere at the next level up, where no one knows I have kids at the time of offering me the job.. and it all begins anew...

Should it be this way? Absolutely not. It's a total disgrace. But that's the only way I have found to not let discrimination hold me back too much. It's hard work but it's worked out for me well enough all things considered.

But I also want them to offer up some comfort that they thought of how they are going to cover childcare in the school holidays, if their child is off sick etc - that they aren’t going to suddenly expect loads of time off. A day here and there for sick days, fine, but for holidays I’d like to hear that DH/family/children’s clubs etc are available so that they will be available to do the job. Not unreasonable?

Absolutely unreasonable. Especially since you would never ask that of a man. Or even think it. So..discrimininatory as well.
Look, I would never think to mention dc in an interview, and if someone asked me if I has thought about childcare I would convey "that's none of your business " with a cold stare.
In all the years I was a lone parent I was never unreliable-unlike my male colleagues who often ended up bringing kids into work etc on school holidays as their wife was ill and they hadnt thought about childcare.
Op-you talk about your skills, your experience relevant to the job, your knowledge of the industry/company, your enthusiasm. Good luck with it.

I used to get this question a lot when I worked for the National Careers Service this is a fab resource www.theguardian.com/careers/returning-to-work-after-children-advice

But it’s important to sell your time as a SAHP as a job you gained so many skills since having kids for example multi tasking “you can now do anything whilst making sure you keep a toddler safe this will come in handy for X” you just need to find a way to sell your self to people also their are return to work programmes out there for parents who have been out of the work place for a while they are great!

Start your own business. Working for people who will never appreciate how relentless parenting can be, and that actually NOT everyone gets given the privilege of being able to have children, seems like an overall waste of time. When looking for a job, I do what suits myself and my family. I have worked temp jobs just to keep a skill set up and so I don't have to be tied down to any company. In fact, what we need is a job site/ agency that genuinely appreciates the skill set that comes with being a stay at home parent ie reliability, time management, staying level headed under pressure, hardworking etc. People returning to work after having children should be supported not maligned, and all it would take is changing the idea that after you have had children, you suddenly forget how to be a valuable member of the workforce. If you are passionate about the job you do, its more likely to be done well. You can always be trained in any practical areas that need brushing up on.

reliability, time management, staying level headed under pressure, hardworking

It's called being an adult human. These aren't skills just associated with being a parent or a sahm. These are skills that every adult in the workplace should demonstrate and is the bare minimum requirements for a job.

Do not mention your DC’s at an interview - it’s not relevant to the role you are applying for. I’ve done three interviews this week - they were all second stage interviews so the candidates had all done well to get this far.

I don’t ask male or female candidates about their families. The roles involve international travel, often at short notice- my interview questions focus on how they would handle different aspects of the role - not whether they have childcare arrangements in place!

I once got told 'A male candidate could have a sick mother'. In other words, everyone has external responsibilities that may mean they need to take time off work or leave promptly. If they ask about you, talk about you. Don't even mention you have kids; you wouldn't mention you have parents. A professional company will assume you have childcare in place anyway. You've taken a career break to support your children but are now in a position to return to work. If you don't make it an issue, they will assume there isn't one. Sometimes you do get asked if you have kids but often this is more about getting to know you. You could add that you obviously have childcare in place if you feel they are worried.

I think being a parent can sometimes give you a bit of patience and perspective -in my case it made me stick with jobs I would have walked out on, which is not nessecarily a good thing.
BUT all the attributes listed "time management" etc are just things I would expect in any decent employee.

It would come accross really twee to try and shoehorn being a sahm into key work skills.
I think beyond a certain level of employment you just expect the basics of every adult!
I started my own business because I hit 40 and realised I wasn't going any higher, ever, working in a big company.
It's mysoginy in general that is the big problem in the workforce, not specifically having children.
If you are a woman over about 30, it's always going to be harder. And it's not just because they are worried about taking time off. There's a definite idea that older women =un-dynamic, safe, no drive.
And you can't possibly know anything about computers or anything online. .
You get shoved in the "mumsy " box, kids or no kids.
(Bitter, moi?Lol)

In the same vein as Onthetiles’ anecdotes, I was once brought into an interview for a random unrelated job hire just to make five minutes of chitchat. I was baffled until I realised that my (childfree, female) boss was using “casual” discussion of the fact that I worked part time in order to do the school run, to extract information from the thirty-something female applicant on her childcare status without asking outright.

Set up on your own - or stay at home and eat cake.

The ‘She’s Back’ Book has some really helpful advice on returning to work after a career break and how to approach interviews - definitely worth a read.

www.amazon.co.uk/Shes-Back-Your-guide-returning/dp/1911583565/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?s=gateway&crid=2DMSEYULI71J3&keywords=shes+back+your+guide+to+returning+to+work&sprefix=shes+back&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1556967186&sr=8-1

Not unreasonable?

So so so far from reasonable