To stop mentioning kids at job interviews

[AlwaysHangryy]

I've had a few interviews since having kids and have none got any of them. When they ask about me I usually mention I have two kids and have been a stay at home mum for two years blady blah and I never get any of these jobs.

Before having kids i use to get whatever job I interviewed for so I'm not sure whether it's down to me and I'm rubbish at interviews now or it's down to me mentioning my kids.

I've kind of given up applying for jobs as I just never get past the interview stage.

If you are asked about the gap employment, say you had caring responsibilities and move on. If you don't have any recent work experience, can you do some voluntary work? I found volunteering in the community shop gave me a foot in the door and a recent reference.

I’d be expecting an answer more along the lines of previous experience and qualifications etc to that question. No problem if someone has been on mat leave extended or otherwise but in an interview I don’t need to hear about what you do with your kids.

I interviewed someone a while ago who had 3 kids. And used her “mum-sperience” (her word) as relevant experience for the role. In a way I can see it. Wrangling 3 under 4 is tough and stressful. It takes organisation. But don’t use that as a selling point.

@Fr3d - perfect.

I interview candidates regularly but don’t expect them to talk about their family and DC’s. That doesn’t interest me - I’m concerned about whether they have the relevant skills and experience for the role.

Do you mean they are asking about you or what you outside work ie other interests?
If it’s meant about you as a person definitely don’t talk about kids- in the nicest possible way it’s completely irrelevant. They want to assess what you are like in work, interests in work, strengths etc.
If they mean what do you outside of work ie leisure time, they are still trying to assess you! if you still don’t want to mention kids (I didn’t at last interview) say something generic, films, books, walks, if there’s really nothing else. If they ask you to expand in that you can at least talk about last film you watched etc.

Possibly relevent is the fact that as a parent you have a far greater incentive than a single person to work hard and keep your job in order to support your family

Yeah... don't say this OP for Godsake. Ridiculous advice and potentially pretty fucking offensive.

I think its really sad that some women feel like they should hide their families at interviews. I never have, my kids are my life and I couldn't hide that even if I wanted to. I've still got every job I've applied for.
I know they obviously want to know about your professionals skills and seriousness surrounding the job but I've always felt people want insight into the whole person

Agree. The “tell us about yourself” is asking for a summary of your education/employment. So “I graduated with a degree in X in 20XX, spent X years doing XYZ where I gained skills ABC”. Do not mention children. If they ask what you like doing outside of work you can give vague hobbies “I like going for long walks, exploring new places” - you don’t have to mention that the walk is down to the duck pond . PP have given good breezy response examples to give if specifically asked about your career gap.

I'm with you OP. I recently applied for a 3 day a week admin job and had a call from the agency just as I pulled up to the school gates for drop off. I answered and very politely said I would call back in 10mins, which I did but never ever got a call back despite me calling again x2 in the day to show interest. I'm sure it is because I mentioned the school run.

I'm applying for jobs I can do standing on my head that seem to be targeted to getting mum's back into the workplace too!

Possibly relevent is the fact that as a parent you have a far greater incentive than a single person to work hard and keep your job in order to support your family

This is up there with some of the poor legal advice given on Mumsnet. Please don’t ever say this.

Keep your answers about you and remember, there’s nothing more boring than hearing about other people’s children.

Good luck for the future

Giantsbane, I think it's more to do with the fact that it's completely irrelevant to your employer. They may be your life but, and I mean this with no offence, your interviewer is not likely to really give a toss about your kids. They are there to see if you have the skills to do the job they are hiring for not listen to you talk about your children.

I agree with others, when they ask you to tell them something about yourself they are expecting you to talk about your experience and skills that are relevant to the job.

I'd perhaps mention children in passing briefly but I wouldn't make it the sole or a large part of my, response to that question.

Op, say you took time out for caring responsibilities but that's resolved now and you're excited to get back into work.

You really don't need to go into detail here. I'm fairly sure men wouldn't.

When I ask an interviewee to tell me about them, I'm asking them to tell me about them, not their children. Think of the question as probing more deeply into what kind of employee you would be...

Nobody expects applicants to hide the fact that they have kids or to unneccessarily downplay what this means - just, as PP have pointed out - to display an appropriate understanding of what is relevant to a prospective employer.

When we do introductions in my firm people will often drop a remark something along thr lines of "I live in X and I'm married with two kids". That's just bog standard.

If asked about the CV gap during an interview, just say "maternity leave" and get back to the bits that are actually relevant to whether or not you suit the position.

I was upfront because i needed flexibility but I also was clear that my kids were in full time school and my family size was complete - as employers looking at a woman in their mid 30's just thinking maternity leave alas. Now I make sure they now I have adult kids so of no relevance

I am lucky I have no gaps. I would not class PAID mat leave as ‘a gap’ as I was still employed!

I Never mention DC they are not relevant to a job interview.

I have interviewed many many women and mentioning their children makes them anxious and is needless. I don’t ask and never would!
I used to work in children’s services and interviewed 7 women who all thought that telling us they were mothers would make them better at working in an admin job for children’s services. It is NOT RELEVANT 😂

I found exactly the same. I’d been in my job for many years and had my children during this time. I worked part time, just a few days a month and struggled with childcare as worked irregular hours and days. The company closed, I got made redundant and knew I’d need to find a full time job. Really struggled for childcare, my husband also works shifts and we’ve 3 primary aged children. Found a lady who could cover the childcare and once I’d got some confidence that was ok, I had a few job offers. Childminder then let me down the week before I was due to start but that’s a whole other story..... back to winging it!

Possibly relevent is the fact that as a parent you have a far greater incentive than a single person to work hard and keep your job in order to support your family.

That is such bad advice. Never say this. Ever.

When they ask about me I usually mention I have two kids and have been a stay at home mum for two years blady blah

Never ever blahy blah. You talk about your past experience, and that you are looking for a new challenge.

If asked directly about a break from the workplace, you say you are now looking for that new challenge.

If they ask about kids, ask them why your kids are relevant to the role.

If they ask about your career break, tell them you were looking for a new challenge back then, you've done that now and are on the look out to do something different now.

If necessary, tell them that yes, women do take time off to have kids, it's a thing, and yes they do often want to get back into the workplace, hence being here today.

TheBulb

while obviously the employment history part of my CV lists maternity leave

If this was leave taken while you were employed - i.e. you came back to the same job after leave- you do not have to put it on your CV. It just forms part of your continuous period of employment with that employer.

Sorry but I recruit a lot and if a woman who had clearly been a SAHM explained this as ‘caring responsibilities’ I think this was really weird. There is nothing wrong with saying I had time at home to look after my young children. Then move on. If someone asks about your hobbjes (who does that now!?) or what you do at the weekend tell the truth! Don’t understand why you would give some vague crap about enjoying walks but not mention your family.

I've not found it to be an issue. I quit my job when I went on maternity leave because I hated it anyway and have mentioned in all 3 interviews when looking for a new job that I'd been at home with my son and was offered all 3 jobs. I wouldn't overthink it, something will come along

Asking about you- talk about your skill set
Asking about gaps in CV -they should know from your actual CV and so just keep it brief
I wouldn't expect anyone to talk about their kids at an interview and have never spoken about mine. the more you talk about them the more likely it will come out that you aren't committed to a role etc and however great you are as a mum it makes no difference to my recruitment decision

Sassyk I once worked for a company where someone was lamenting that they couldn’t outright ask if anyone had children nowadays as it was discriminatory. So they ‘advised’ me that they always asked what someone did in their spare time, so they could find out if they had children.

It’s naive to think that some employers don’t discriminate against people who have children - it still happens, I’ve seen it happen. The job market is usually crowded enough you can put it down to something else.

the more you talk about them the more likely it will come out that you aren't committed to a role etc

Sorry, CrumpetyTea I don’t get why talk of children would show she was not committed to a role- it’s perfectly possible to be highly committed and have children!

Years ago I was looking for a new job I had took redundancy so was out of work but my dc were young primary school age . So it was the summer so was happy to have a couple of months out of work to spend witch dc.
Anyway went for one interview went well , I got home and they rang to ask when would you be able to start . I said 2 weeks they said why are you on holiday , I said I'm off with my dc it's the school holidays . I never heard from them again . I had to chase up feedback but it was not the right person blah blah . Up until that phone call were really enthusiastic so I know it was about dc . I'm not bothered I don't want to work for a company that judges and discriminates lucky escape I say .

To be fair, our workplace absolutely thrives on hiring parents. We work with schools, so can frequently offer term time only work at reasonable salaries.

Our HR manager is utterly thick about it though. She's always sniping about 'hiring mothers' (never fathers), even though term time/part time workers are ideal for us, as we can afford better people if we have them for shorter hours. That's just the tip of the iceberg of her prejudices too.