To stop mentioning kids at job interviews

[AlwaysHangryy]

I've had a few interviews since having kids and have none got any of them. When they ask about me I usually mention I have two kids and have been a stay at home mum for two years blady blah and I never get any of these jobs.

Before having kids i use to get whatever job I interviewed for so I'm not sure whether it's down to me and I'm rubbish at interviews now or it's down to me mentioning my kids.

I've kind of given up applying for jobs as I just never get past the interview stage.

@Dyrne - they are examples and tongue-in-cheek at that.. Don’t be so literal, as an adult it should have to be explained in such detail to you

*shouldn't

**I have improved my IT skills (mumsnetting all day)

• I have improved my customer services skills (Volunteering)
• I have improved my conflict resolution skills (stopping the kids fighting)*

OMG!

Super awks.

IsYourGoogleBroken Apologies - sadly I have previously seen similar suggested with absolute seriousness on MN so it’s hard to tell

I started working again after 6 years off. To be fair, I did do an MSc in that time but at the interview I mentioned the studying and then taking time out to focus on my family, and that I was now ready to come back to employment and face new challenges. I don’t think anyone knew about my kids until I started work.

I've seen real life applications including things like that.

Thing is - though I agree it's cringe - it's true to some extent! I picked up a hell of a lot about people handling during wedding planning!

Just say you were on maternity leave and leave it at that

You don't have to declare you were on mat leave if it formed part of your continous employment with a former employer.

If you left employment to be a SAHP, then your CV should show the date you left the firm (i.e. aligns to your P45).

If you need to explain any gaps in employment, just state you took a career break and are now looking to return to work. Tell them why you applied and show some enthusiam.

It will be reasonably obvious to employers that the break was to care for children, but they are unlikely to probe any further. Keep focused on your skills, what you can bring to the role, why you are the right person.

If you need flexibility in a role, ask about flexible working as part of the interview but do not mention it's for the school run / child care. You can ask "what policies / approach do you have to flexible working?". You don't have to mention your kids or why you may want it at an interview stage.

@Dyrne - really ?? Christ!

I mean there is poetic licence in Avon/Childminding/eBaying/taking the phone calls for your DHs one man band plumbing business as 'running a small home business' provided you actually have the verbal dexterity to dress it up

I would prefer to know you spent 2 years caring for family (don't care if it's children or parent or grandparent, all perfectly reasonable and understandable) than a 2 year unexplained gap!

(Turns out they were in prison for the 2 years! For fraud!)

So unexplained gaps are a bit of a flag for me.

You don’t need to be specific.

My skills are x y z.

Last two years focusing on family commitments.

Really keen to focus on career and develop in x y z ways

OP, first of all I want to say well done on getting interviews. I don't know what you're area of work is like, but in many fields it is difficult enough to get shortlisted, so I'd say you're already halfway to getting a new job!

Secondly, if you're also studying at the OU, emphasise that. Personally think it's fine to say you've been out of the workforce for 2 years due to family commitments, but that during this period you have also been further developing your understanding of / skills in X, Y, Z through studying at the open university. Then continue the conversation by setting out how your studies at the OU are relevant to this position (subject-specific or transferable skills).

Surprisingly I'm just as eager to keep a roof over mine and DHs head despite not being a 'proper family'

And as a single person, the knowledge that my salary is my only income source is quite a good incentive to work hard & keep earning it.

I agree with PP it depends on how you are saying it rather than their existence.

I have never had an issue with gaining jobs and I don't hide that I have two DC under 7.

However gaps in employment I don't focus on the fact that I was child rearing (nor do I hide it ) I personally have always run consultancy or freelance during maternity etc and that has been a huge plus. I say and it is absolutely true that my work is important to me and helps keep me sharp so I have always done something ...even if it was volunteer roles (for example on maternity leave I offered free consultation to small start up charities )

Also like others have said I focus in general on how I've upped my skillset.

I do find it odd also when people sit in front of me and state that being a parent has made them better at their job. I do recognise my skillset has benefited from parenthood but it was there to begin with and I wouldn't be so rude to colleagues without children.

I work in health and social care and have had people tell me they have better patience as they have children , without wishing to be rude patience with your own children is not the same as having patience with a dementia patient who is trying to get out of the door under a DOLS and has a stick they can and will hit you with. Its not the same as my 3 year old who wants to take a train into nursery and frankly it's belittling and infantilising to a grown adult who has dementia. So I don't see it as a good example if people focus on that vein in interviews unless I also hear they understand the difference and will work very hard to learn coming into the role.

Mind you I am quite harsh .... nothing irritates me more than people who claim they do not gave any development points and are perfect at everything grrrrr

'Possibly relevent is the fact that as a parent you have a far greater incentive than a single person to work hard and keep your job in order to support your family.'

This has to be the smuggest, most stupid thing I have ever read on MN, and that's saying something. As others have said, please ignore this nonsense

How is it "smug" to point out that parents have to take fewer financial risks cause they have to keep extra humans alive and?

before children I could say no to jobs I didn't want because if I ended up homeless or in a crappy situation I only had to worry about myself not my children starving or being taken by social services.

I quit jobs because I didn't like them, or because I fancied a change, I lived in several countries because I fancied going there. I would never take that risk now.

I would literally take on ANY job if I was worried I couldn't afford to feed my kids. Women turn to prostitution and stripping to feed their childre, not because it's a great career move.

Anyway OP, I wouldn't use that line because people are a wee bit sensitive. But it clearly is true.

Hospitality is your best bet. A lot of teenagers work in it and there is, in my experience, a lot of ‘sickies’ pulled at the weekends and on Monday mornings. They know those of us paying our bills with the money are reliable but we are hard to find as not many older people work in the industry.

I have quickly been promoted as has my friend (different company, same industry)

The beauty of it is, when schools are out, all the teens at college pick up the hours while I book time off to spend with my DC.

Surprisingly I'm just as eager to keep a roof over mine and DHs head despite not being a 'proper family

Oh FFS. I had to be more responsible about jobs and housing security after getting a cat. People are desperate to be offended.

I very clearly remember being asked what kind of a support network I had in place to care for my DC because the job required some unsocial hours. This was about 5 years ago and bizarrely I didn't think to even question whether they'd be asking a father the same question. Anyway, I didn't get thr job and neither did they give me any feedback as to why I wasn't suitable. I think I probably know why though. I'd never declare having children ever again.

I wish people were half as offended by the fact that a woman is being held back from employment down to having had children as they are of the fact that someone somewhere might attempt to point it out as an advantage.

before children I could say no to jobs I didn't want because if I ended up homeless or in a crappy situation I only had to worry about myself not my children starving or being taken by social services

Believe it or not I still try to actively avoid being homeless despite not having kids.

I think the poster above makes the point I was thinking
It’s ok to mention it in passing but never ever use it as a ‘skill’
attributed to a job
Having sat and listened to women do this it is really uncomfortable for an interviewer and inappropriate. It doesn’t make you more patient or more aware of policy does it?
It’s like saying you can work in a hospital because you have been in one once

Also do not focus on it
I don’t mention my D.C. so there is never confusion around it!

I wonder if "caring for a now deceased grandparent" would go down better OP.

Believe it or not I still try to actively avoid being homeless despite not having kids.

Really. Shocking. Now imagine you also had a 6 month old. Do you think you might have an ADDED incentive and actual terror of ending up homeless or living in your car?

@IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom

Fully not the case
A 39yo single parent with D.C. can apply for financial support
A 39 yo person with no D.C. have more limited options

Too right IndiannaJones Bloody good point.

How many men do you think are worrying about whether or not to mention they have kids at an interview or are getting offended at each other suggesting they are / are not an advantage right now?

I have a friend who works for a bullying arsehole. She is afraid to look for another job because she knows this one is safe. Any other job she takes would come with a risk as she doesn't know the company