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Original poster

To stop mentioning kids at job interviews

171 replies

AlwaysHangryy · 01/05/2019 23:51

I've had a few interviews since having kids and have none got any of them. When they ask about me I usually mention I have two kids and have been a stay at home mum for two years blady blah and I never get any of these jobs.

Before having kids i use to get whatever job I interviewed for so I'm not sure whether it's down to me and I'm rubbish at interviews now or it's down to me mentioning my kids.

I've kind of given up applying for jobs as I just never get past the interview stage.

OP posts:
Unfinishedkitchen · 02/05/2019 07:51

Just say you were on maternity leave and leave it at that. I’m a hiring manager and I have my own DC but I’m not interested in hearing about yours when I’m trying to assess whether you’re the best candidate for the job.

If you came out with any twaddle about being more committed than single people or said you’d been ‘fortunate’ or ‘lucky’ to be a SAHM then it would count against you as it shows you lack empathy regarding other people’s lifestyles. I never wanted to be a a SAHM so I don’t understand why that would make me ‘unfortunate’ or ‘unlucky’ and I worked just as hard when I was single.

rainbowbash · 02/05/2019 07:53

thecats
what kind of industry/area do you work in by 'working for schools'. The only part time/term time jobs I only ever see are actually in school.

Parker231 · 02/05/2019 07:55

Would you expect a father to talk about his children at a work interview? No - no reason for a mother to do so either. You are applying for a job which if successful, you will be expected to do as well as someone without children. Your children are irrelevant to an interview.

HazelBite · 02/05/2019 08:03

I would suggest that you take any job even if it is very menial, and not in your field.
You can then apply for the jobs you want once you can show that as an employee you are reliable, and employable and that your family committments do not impact on your working life.
There is prejudice out there, but when you have been out of the workplace for a few years, there is an inclination that you will be ^rusty" and that your family will impinge on your work.
A reference from an employer showing that you can turn up every day and perform well is invaluble even if the job is unrelated to the role you are seeking.

IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom · 02/05/2019 08:12

I hear you OP. I think "prison" would almost be considered a better use of one's time by a lot of employers.

IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom · 02/05/2019 08:13

Would you expect a father to talk about his children at a work interview?

If he had taken two years out of the work force to raise them, well, yes, how would he explain the break?

IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom · 02/05/2019 08:15

She's always sniping about 'hiring mothers' (never fathers), even though term time/part time workers are ideal for us

Pretty much eliminates 82% of the female work force from the running. Should she really be in HR? Shock

Lottapianos · 02/05/2019 08:20

'Possibly relevent is the fact that as a parent you have a far greater incentive than a single person to work hard and keep your job in order to support your family.'

This has to be the smuggest, most stupid thing I have ever read on MN, and that's saying something. As others have said, please ignore this nonsense

I have been involved in recruitment and I absolutely do not want to hear about candidates' children in interviews. Talking about 'family responsibilities' is fine, then move on quickly to work related experiences . That's what they're interested in

rainbowbash · 02/05/2019 08:27

I changed job not too long ago. it's part time and fits within school hours. They wanted to know why part time and I told them I have DC and one with complex needs for whom I cannot get wrap around child care. I was very open (in the end, I needed an supportive flexible employer and wouldn't have wanted the job if children/child with SN would have been an issue).

I did get the job (private sector).

AWishForWingsThatWork · 02/05/2019 08:38

It's madness.

Most of us work to live, not live to work, and to pay for our actual lives. Our families are a big part of that, and mentioning/explaining career breaks for family reasons shouldn't be the kiss of death for anyone.

We treat parents and carers, especially women, very, very badly in the employment world. All so other people can make more money ... via people who are willing to put work first. So backwards.

SoManyCoats · 02/05/2019 08:39

Maybe you should pre-empt any (real, possible or imagined) judgements over kids. I can see that you need to explain your career break but describe it as that - say you had a career break to take care of your children but in that time you have kept up to date with industry developments (read up on any related industry developments beforehand, also competitors in the field and what they have been doing, industry news, anything you can find out about the company who is interviewing you, what they are currently working on etc etc etc).

Acknowledge the career break but make sure the conversation moves back to and finishes on work talk.

Also, look on the internet for different responses to this question.

PookieDo · 02/05/2019 08:42

Work does come first at work!

Littlecaf · 02/05/2019 08:43

I suspect I haven’t got recent promotions at work because I’m part time with small DCs. Both jobs went external to male candidates without children, despite me doing maternity leave cover at the same level in recent years for the role. I never mentioned my DCs at interview (although clearly my interviewer knew I had kids as he is my manager) and made it clear that i would be happy with full time. One of the appointees was clearly more experienced than me and I can see why he got the job, the other - well most of my colleagues can’t understand what he’s got over me. “No dependents” was my answer.

Sindragosan · 02/05/2019 08:44

I've seen a fair amount of men looking for flexibility, both for school pick up and also to look after elderly relatives. With poor social care and people living longer, a much bigger percentage of the workforce has caring responsibilities. Its positive for women in that its not just women looking after children and means there isn't necessarily a clear advantage to hiring a man.

Unfortunately, the recruitment process can be difficult and very competitive with loads of applications for any job, so it can take a while to find something, its not necessarily because you have children.

If you haven't already, try an agency, they can frequently find work quite quickly, even if its just a temporary role.

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 02/05/2019 08:50

I said: ‘I took a break to care for my family...’ then moved very swiftly on to ‘but i’m really looking forward to resuming my career in X SECTOR.’ Then talked for sometime about what I could bring to the table. Eg ‘i’m really interested in Y and have relevant experience Z.’ Just ignore the gap and don’t focus on it.

If THEY draw you back to it, you can say, as I did, that I gained hugely in networking skills, social confidence and organisation. Then just carry on out of the topic eg ‘I have a lot to bring to the organisation and feel I can make a real contribution etc etc’

thecatsthecats · 02/05/2019 08:58

what kind of industry/area do you work in by 'working for schools'. The only part time/term time jobs I only ever see are actually in school.

An education non profit offering support to schools/resources etc. We can always use the quiet times when schools are out to catch up/plan ahead, but we don't need people there really - just occasional training or catch up days. We'd rather have brilliant people during the term only than people kicking their heels all summer.

Pretty much eliminates 82% of the female work force from the running. Should she really be in HR?

Dear lord, do not get me started on this woman. Fortunately she is largely passve aggressive, so I just ignore her and keep winding her up by making the 'wrong' decisions in her eyes.

MashPotatoMashPotato · 02/05/2019 08:59

I’ve got 2 children, I’m currently applying for jobs. I’ve been to two interviews recently, neither of which I have mentioned children. I didn’t get one but that was because I messed up a task, I scored very high in the interview. During the interview they asked me as a “warm up question” which they weren’t marking (luckily), what did I liked to do in my spare time? Well the true answer was “I have 2 toddlers, I don’t actually have spare time, if I have spare time I’m usually sleeping”. So after a pause I tried to think what I liked to do 3 years ago, I was really into marathon running and keep fit. Well I tied myself in knots trying to answer in present not past tense haha, I think they thought I was an idiot at that point. I did great on the work related questions no hesitation I just stumbled trying to answer a simple question about myself. It’s generally very easy to answer work related questions without bringing children into it, I even avoid mentioning a husband too in case they are thinking I’d be going on maternity leave 5 minutes after starting.

My husband actually didn’t get a job a couple of years ago as he mentioned in passing that he had a small child and another one due any day. In his feedback they actually wrote that mentioning he had small children made them question his commitment to the role!! I wanted him to complain, it was discrimination, the fact they’d actually given it as the main reason for not getting the job in written feedback was pretty stupid on their part really. My husband left it and said “if that’s their attitude to people who have a family I don’t want to work there anyway”. It’s made me very wary about mentioning having a family, I avoid it, I haven’t got any gaps on the cv though so it is possible to not mention it.

sar302 · 02/05/2019 09:00

Are you able to sign up to do a short course with the OU or similar. You can then add that you have been taking time to study and gain further skills?

Original poster
AlwaysHangryy · 02/05/2019 10:02

I am studying with OU not enjoying it though.
I'm just looking for any job at the moment I'm getting so fed up of at being at home.
Have noted everyone's tips though for my next interviews if I get any Smile

OP posts:
Unihorn · 02/05/2019 10:13

I hire in hospitality and would look favourably on hiring parents as my workforce is primarily made up of under 21s; hiring older men and women with more "life experience" would be a welcome change! Our interview process is very informal though and tends to focus more on personality rather than experience, so I would expect people to tell me about their families and hobbies, and would find it odd if they left it out.

IsYourGoogleBroken · 02/05/2019 10:22

Well it's difficult to not mention when they ask what have I been doing in between the time of my last job and now.

  • I took a career break
  • I took a family break (if you feel appropriate)

then you expand by

  • I have been studying
  • I have been travelling
  • I have been caring
  • I have been supporting my DHs business venture
  • I ran a small business (Avon etc)

you then expand which ever option it is into skills sets

  • I have improved my IT skills (mumsnetting all day)
  • I have improved my customer services skills (Volunteering)
  • I have improved my conflict resolution skills (stopping the kids fighting)
BossAssBitch · 02/05/2019 10:41

Possibly relevent is the fact that as a parent you have a far greater incentive than a single person to work hard and keep your job in order to support your family

Shockingly shit advice, and fucking offensive too!

Dyrne · 02/05/2019 10:42

*- I have improved my IT skills (mumsnetting all day)

  • I have improved my customer services skills (Volunteering)
  • I have improved my conflict resolution skills (stopping the kids fighting)*

Jesus, do not do this. Cringeworthy.

ChocoCrocc · 02/05/2019 10:44

Surprisingly I'm just as eager to keep a roof over mine and DHs head despite not being a 'proper family' Hmm

Seniorschoolmum · 02/05/2019 10:52

I don’t mention my child when applying for a job and I don’t expect to be asked. If the question about a gap in employment comes up, I say I took a career break to renovate a house (which is also true) and leave it at that.
My family circumstances are not relevant unless they impact my ability to do my job - such as not being able to travel internationally at a couple of hours notice.

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