To stop mentioning kids at job interviews

[AlwaysHangryy]

I've had a few interviews since having kids and have none got any of them. When they ask about me I usually mention I have two kids and have been a stay at home mum for two years blady blah and I never get any of these jobs.

Before having kids i use to get whatever job I interviewed for so I'm not sure whether it's down to me and I'm rubbish at interviews now or it's down to me mentioning my kids.

I've kind of given up applying for jobs as I just never get past the interview stage.

@Unfinishedkitchen
If you came out with any twaddle about being more committed than single people or said you’d been ‘fortunate’ or ‘lucky’ to be a SAHM then it would count against you as it shows you lack empathy regarding other people’s lifestyles.

I actually think it's showing the opposite by acknowledging how fortunate we are to have different lifestyle choices nowadays. A SAHP IS fortunate to be able to choose to stay at home and then choose to go back to work; parents also can choose to take maternity/paternity leave and continue working. My Mum couldn't do that in the 1970s as maternity leave wasn't widely available - she had to leave her job when she was pregnant.

I was a SAHP for a while and I consider myself fortunate to be able to make that choice. I'm also fortunate to have gone back to work. There are still countries where this isn't possible.

She climbs off her soapbox.

I said it is "possibly" relevant that as OP is a parent she might be more likely to stick with a job than a single person with no similar responsibilities.

People might find this offensive but the statistics above do support the fact that people with dependents are more likely to seek/ hold down employment . . .

Maybe so, teenmum1, but the point that PPs were making was that stating this “possibly relevant” opinion to a potential employer would target the interviewee as lacking empathy for others’ situations and building oneself up by subtly tearing others down; not the kind of employee anyone would want around, quite frankly.

There are some things one shouldn’t do in a job interview. Bad mouthing former bosses, colleagues, and people in general is one of them. Barely got a foot in the door and already appearing confrontational, statistics notwithstanding.

The interviewer’s perception of you is paramount if you want the job.

Shinyletsbebadguys

Absolutely. Great post.

It’s unfortunate but I think having children does hinder your likely hood of getting some jobs.. when I used to interview at an old company I did used to sigh discreetly at the mention of children, especially school age as it was a very busy stressful job in which flexibility was required. A sick day by a memeber if staff would really affect the team and it was the staff with children who tended to take more time off last minute.. or have to leave early, come in late. If I was interviewing for my current role it wouldn’t bother me at all.. because the work is easier to put off and maintain.

I might be wrong, but I don't think @teenmum1 was suggesting mentioning her theory or stats in an interview? More that it was possibly an unconscious thought by the interviewer?

teenmum stats don't quite do it for me. Relatively few 64 yo have dependant children, and those that do will surely be likely to put retirement until the they don't? Is is a retired person workless

Do we know how the income compares to the jobs OP is going for with/without TCs?

Ok have realised that people were reading my comment as if I was suggesting that OP should compare herself to other candidates. Obviously that is not sensible.

What I meant is how she might compare herself now to herself pre children.

So it could be the case that having children has increased her personal motivation to advance her career so that she can better support her family.

So this could be relevant in a job interview if someone asked, but generally speaking I would just stick to what's needed to do the job.

I don’t have any stats but my guess is that for every single mum desperately putting up with a shit job to keep a roof over her head, there’s another with a partner paying out 90%+ of her net income in full time childcare, thinking “this really really isn’t worth it”, frantically googling benefits entitlements and running spreadsheets to work out whether she can afford to pack it in and crossing her fingers that she gets picked in the next round of redundancies. I meet the latter group all the time IRL and on MN - I’d be there myself if I didn’t have a very flexible PT job. So it’s a ridiculous generalisation.

Pretend you haven't got any, Motherland style

teenmum Workless households includes 16-20 year olds not in education, employment or training; older people to young to have reached retirement age but who are too ill to work or severely disabled; and people of all ages who are severely disabled, including those who can never live independently. About a third of those who are unemployed are under 20 years of age
.
While of course there are 16 year olds with kids, and 64 year olds in very poor health with kids; this is unusual. People in workless households who are toll ill or disabled to work, are far less likely to have dependent children.
My parents were in this category. Dad was retired, mum had not yet reached pension age but has crippling arthritis so could not work. My 18 year old niece was also in this category - left college and struggling to get a job so was unemployed, but she now has one.

You have looked at the statistics and made a massive jump as to why those in workless households are less likely to have kids. It has nothing to do with commitment to be in work, and everything to do with the fact that those under 20 and those who are in their 60s and ill, and those with severe disabilities, are far less likely not to be in work, and also not to have dependant children.

And I would not use it as a personal example either. It makes you sound as if you were unreliable and flakey before having kids, and you managed to overcome this character flaw as a result of having kids.

I probably wouldn’t bring up my kids in an interview as it’s not relevant but if asked then I wouldn’t hide it. If they have issues with you having kids then they are going to be a nightmare any time you need to take time off with a dick child for example.

It’s appalling that some workplaces discriminate against parents but it probably wouldn’t be a good work environment for that parent anyway.

I mentioned my children in my last interview as had to explain I was made redundant on maternity leave (redundancy was at the start of mat leave so it looked like I’d been out of work for quite a while when actually I had only been due back at work a few weeks before) but I don’t think I mentioned them other than that.

I've always been told to prep a 'minute to win it' to answer the 'tell me about yourself' question. If you go in with a plan of the key skills and experiences you've got that are relevant for the role and can bring those in straight away it grabs attention.

I was told this after scraping my first proper job interview (the first that wasn't for a call centre doing a mass recruit). I froze when the interviewer asked that question and then waffled about my cat, she waffled about her cat and we literally spent the whole interview talking cats. Fortunately something similar happened in her other interview and I got the job as I lived closer.

I've mentioned my dc in job interviews since I'm going for part time jobs so if they ask why I have to mention it. I've been asked how flexible I am and it's important to be honest because I am not working evenings or weekends. My previous employer told me my honesty made me appear assertive, confident in my own value and really impressed them. My current employer is incredibly family focused and it makes it easier for me to work there.

Really sorry but I've only skimmed the full thread. In a previous job, I interviewed candidates frequently and the interview panel were very negative about mothers with small kids AND young women of 'child-bearing age' (they didn't use that phrase but they might as well have done) as they thought that both would lead to requests for time off. We turned down, in my opinion, some wonderful candidates because the rest of the panel made their minds up that mothers / mothers-to-be wouldn't be able to be dedicated enough.

Firstly …. please DON'T downplay the fact you've been a stay-at-home mum, etc. You've been using lots of useful workplace skills, juggling childcare, running the household, etc. Think about what else you've done since being at home - any voluntary work, helping out with school events, etc. - and think about the skills they use then emphasise those.

Secondly, if you're getting to the interview stage then obviously you've got a good CV. Most people don't even get that far. So I suspect it's possibly your interview technique that's letting you down. It might be that you're out of practice or are just downplaying yourself (back to that "I'm just a stay-at-home mum stuff). Have a search online for interview techniques, maybe speak to your local careers office to see if they can help (they're not just for school leavers), is there anyone you know who interviews people that can help and give you advice?

There are some companies that specialise in "returners" ie people who've taken a career break (for whatever reason; mat leave, caring for a loved one etc). If you google returners you will find different sites. Good luck with job search!

Firstly …. please DON'T downplay the fact you've been a stay-at-home mum, etc. You've been using lots of useful workplace skills, juggling childcare, running the household, etc. Think about what else you've done since being at home - any voluntary work, helping out with school events, etc. - and think about the skills they use then emphasise those

Don't go into an interview trying to make out that you have gained workplace skills through being a parent for gods sake. That's the quickest way to announce to the interviewer that you've got no work skills.

I have opposite I can’t have kids and because late 30’s and married I get quizzical want live plans do you have?

They are not supposed to ask but they do in a round about way. I say happy as I am and career focused (although had years trying and fertility treatment)

I would never volunteer the information!!!

Your family life has no bearing on your ability to do a job so no need to give away personal information where not needed.

Start volunteering and only talk about that. I stopped working in 2014 and now my youngest is leaving me to go to school in September. What I am thinking is the only way to get over the separation and boredom is to do voluntary work until I find a job.

If you have to lie and say you are flexible and then fuck about after when you're in the job. That's how I got my last job and I had 3 children under 10 back then.

I hear you OP. I think "prison" would almost be considered a better use of one's time by a lot of employers

I'm sorry- but that did make me chuckle

Hmm, I've mentioned being a parent in mine but in the vein of I took a career break as you can see from my CV to care for X then went on to studying Y which is relevant to the job because Z and gotten the job. Is it the way you word it in interviews? Dont need to get deep into it just a brief mention is more than enough if you are trying to explain career breaks which are visible in what they know from reading your application.

Having been interviewing to fill a vacancy this week - I want to know if people have children (I do) but it has no bearing on their likelihood of getting the job. But I also want them to offer up some comfort that they thought of how they are going to cover childcare in the school holidays, if their child is off sick etc - that they aren’t going to suddenly expect loads of time off. A day here and there for sick days, fine, but for holidays I’d like to hear that DH/family/children’s clubs etc are available so that they will be available to do the job. Not unreasonable?

Possibly relevent is the fact that as a parent you have a far greater incentive than a single person to work hard and keep your job in order to support your family.

On the one hand, I do panic more at the prospect of not having a job than I did BC.

On the other hand, I’m far less bothered about climbing the ladder and getting to the top of the pile and probably don’t work as hard as I did when I was trying to reach the top.

Well, actually most normal childless adults take risks with employment daily.That was my point, they can take some jobs, and say no to others hoping another one comes along.

I must be fucking abnormal then because I have always striven to have secure employment and a secure roof over my head. I've done some pretty crap jobs in order to keep that roof there and never intentionally left a job until I had damn good prospect of another one, even a contract job. I'm currently signed off sick by my employer's occupational health and actually argued against it, I'm so keen on not taking risks with my job and home.

I think it holds more bearing on the field you are applying for I.e if the job may require overtime (Yes, given notice of this that would allow adjustments to my usual working hours) some roles it is not so easy to do so