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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want traditional fairy tales used in DD's class

405 replies

Blankiefan · 01/05/2019 20:09

P1 5yo DD's class are doing a range of activities around Fairyland being lost. I don't hear any chat from dd about anything challenging gender norms. For example, she tells me they are making a castle for sleeping beauty this week so the handsome Prince can come and wake her up. Obviously I've discussed the consent issue with her. This seemed to be new news...

AIBU in wanting a chat with her teacher to check on the truth and encouraging some challenge... or will I be "that parent"?

OP posts:
SapphireSeptember · 02/05/2019 00:19

Fucking hell, this thread is depressing! Occasionally there are jewels in sea of mud, but they are rare.

Why is five too young to teach children about consent? Have you seen the news about the amount of peer on peer abuse happening in our schools at the moment? I am with OP on this, the more we teach our kids about this the more they will (hopefully) get it. (This in light of the woeful lack of rape convictions in our country at the moment.) Also giving children the confidence to know their own boundaries, and when to say 'no' or least be able to tell an adult if anything does happens to them. If wishing to prevent CSA and rape makes me a snowflake then so be it (I've been called worse.) To be honest I think the people who bandy the word 'snowflake' around as an insult doth protest too much.

@OwnerOfThatChocolateBar
Your a moron.

If you're going to insult someone, get your contractions right, please. I don't normally nit-pick spelling and grammar on here, but this was just too easy.

Zofloramummy · 02/05/2019 00:26

Well I agree that I find the female characters in traditional fairytales a bit boring and passive. I was always more of a Mulan girl.

So for my dd I raised her with the ‘traditional’ tales but also with Zog, The Worst Princess (love that book), the Fairytale Hairdresser (strong female saves the day). We also talked about PANTS, consent and bodily autonomy from a really early age.

I have a dd who is 8, she loves a fairy tale, believes in magic, fairies and Santa, she also thinks she can be the hero and she is very vocal about who can see, hug, touch, kiss her without feeling guilty about it. I am rather proud of her.

1forAll74 · 02/05/2019 00:48

What a load of rubbish all of this is. You want to go against everything from a child's upbringing here. As in go against the school teachings for small children. just so they can be into your own stupid modernistic way of thinking.. It's just not on, and you may regret it one day.

SlipperOrchid · 02/05/2019 00:56

Could be worst. The could do the ORIGINAL fairytales

Grin
OkPedro · 02/05/2019 01:13

Ah consent that “stupid modernistic way of thinking” Wink
My dc barely know any fairytales, I didn’t enjoy them as a child because they are shite. A pp said fairytales are part of the curriculum? I’m not in the uk, is this true?

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 02/05/2019 01:17

You should home school your child because there is much worse to come for you, if you are stressing about fairy stories.

LunafortJest · 02/05/2019 01:35

Whatever happened to allowing a child to have their innocence? Fairytales are part of childhood. I expect next the OP, who sounds like an extremist to me, will come on here and say she tells her 5 year old that santa claus doesn't exist.

You don't seem to understand, you are taking her childhood and innocence away. She has her entire life to be worrying about being a victim of a man kissing her. Why not just let her enjoy her childhood, instead of making her afraid of everything?

M3lon · 02/05/2019 02:05

Whatever happened to allowing a child to have their innocence?

creepy uncle bill stole it by telling her she could be like sleeping beauty and be woken by a kiss in the middle of the night....won't that be fun?

M3lon · 02/05/2019 02:07

jeez you are right about this. The ability of girls in maths is systematically underestimated by primary teachers. Girls are exposed to daily sexual harassment in secondary school.

If you want your girls to reach their potential you should in fact not expose them to a toxic misogynistic culture for 35 hours a week.

Sux2buthen · 02/05/2019 02:34

OP you are absolutely right. Although I may not broach it with the school I would probably read a couple with my kids and bring up consent in an age appropriate way.
I'm mindful of them knowing not to do things others don't want or having to tolerate things done to them.
Surely Ingraining into them that they have control over themselves and others should for themselves is an important thing..I'm genuinely surprised by s lotvif the comments here

BlackPrism · 02/05/2019 02:55

Listening to Disney fairy tales as a child caused me to analyse the original fairytales in accordance with the pedagogy of young women from the 17th to 19th century for my dissertation.
These things make us think, it is our parents who make us first question and then...? It can lead to anything. But I personally believe it is an important part of our culture.

floraloctopus · 02/05/2019 03:17

OP I think you need to buy the teacher a large case of wine. She'll need it by the end of the year if she doesn't need it already

Generations of children been brought up on fairy tales and it doesn't make them weak little girls or domineering boys who don't understand consent. Let her enjoy her childhood.

floraloctopus · 02/05/2019 03:19

OP you might like to get Princess Smartyparnts- my DCs enjoyed it alongside traditional tales

Catren · 02/05/2019 03:30

Yanbu. I really don't think it's right to teach young girls and boys fairytales without even questioning what they think about them - the dreams of these princesses, kissing someone who is sleeping, kissing someone who is apparently DEAD (snow white!) etc

I do think fairytales should be taught, as they're a cultural reference and have interesting lessons to learn, but i don't think it's reasonable to just accept the backward messages they also send to boys and girls. Maybe keep the questioning to your time at home together if they're not addressing it in class.

I think i'm in the minority here though..!

BarbarianMum · 02/05/2019 06:00

If people really think that the female lead in traditional fairy tales is, by default, passive I suggest that you get yourself a copy of the original Grimms fairy tales and refresh your memory. Plenty of proactive, wise female characters in there. The fact that our culture has focused on retelling the tales where a beautiful girl is passively rescued is another matter.

my2bundles · 02/05/2019 06:21

yes you will be that parent. The school won't change their curriculum, one that works just to suit you 😂.

Clutterbugsmum · 02/05/2019 06:43

If OP you do come back (not sure they will) can I ask if you feel the same about Nursery Rhymes.

You do realise your child is only at school 6 hourish a day, 5 days a week, which gives YOU plenty time to read other stories teaching your child different attitudes towards others.

Ohtherewearethen · 02/05/2019 06:57

I'm a teacher and spend a whole term on traditional tales, from multiple cultures. I introduce them as stories with a lesson and explain that they were told by parents to children who then told them to their children before books were available to everyone, explaining slight differences in the written versions of the same tales.
When looking at Cinderella, for example, we discuss how it is Cinderella's kindness that makes her beautiful and their meanness that make her sisters ugly, rather than any physical characteristics. I also use the phrase, "A long time ago, people thought..." a lot and we compare it to the children's experiences now. It can be and is done very easily and appropriately and the children 'get it' that it isn't like that now and aren't we glad about it.
I would be very surprised if your daughter's teacher wasn't doing the same thing to he honest and there a no reason why you can't reinforce it at home.

ForalltheSaints · 02/05/2019 07:03

Why not suggest to the school some stories you think would be better?

Tumbleweed101 · 02/05/2019 07:06

Fairy tales start with ‘Once upon a time...’ to indicate it’s a different time and place and the rules are different to our world. It’s one of the reasons children like them and they already take the content as a story not real life.

floraloctopus · 02/05/2019 07:09

Also....the 'and they all lived happily ever after' - children can see that for what it is; not a real ending and really a rather poor way of tying up a story. They soon learn that it's not an ending teachers want to see and I'm fairly sure that teachers soon introduce how to end a story because marking 30 stories ending in 'and they all lived happily ever after. The end' is fairly soul destroying after a while.

ClaryFray · 02/05/2019 07:10

Give over.

I grew up with these fairytales and I haven't raped anyone due to lack of consent knowledge.

Let them be little for Christ's sake!

NameChangeNugget · 02/05/2019 07:12

What the hell have I just read? Hmm

Fresta · 02/05/2019 07:17

OFFS!
As if reading Seeping Beauty at age 5 means she'll forever have issues with consent! As if you need to address that now!

Missingstreetlife · 02/05/2019 07:17

Long way to go op. We had these debates in the 70s. Going backwards ever since. They'll bring back golly and little black sambo next. Have people no idea how children learn, how sex stereotypes are so pervasive and children's aspirations already gendered at nursery