to not want traditional fairy tales used in DD's class

[Blankiefan]

P1 5yo DD's class are doing a range of activities around Fairyland being lost. I don't hear any chat from dd about anything challenging gender norms. For example, she tells me they are making a castle for sleeping beauty this week so the handsome Prince can come and wake her up. Obviously I've discussed the consent issue with her. This seemed to be new news...

AIBU in wanting a chat with her teacher to check on the truth and encouraging some challenge... or will I be "that parent"?

Why do people think 5 is too young to be talking about these things?

Having been a childminder and used stories so spark discussions about equality, diversity and consent, I don't think YABU. It is perfectly appropriate to introduce these concepts to under fives. In fact it is expected by Ofsted.

However, the teacher may well have done this and your DD simply hasn't reported it back. I'd assume that he or she has and just reinforce things at home.

I'll be honest and say I'd prefer it if they used more of the ungendered or female-hero stories: there are plenty if you look for them.

Puss in Boots springs to mind as one which is just about someone poor striving and being helped by magic, sex irrelevant. Though I suppose that's out of court for raising unreasonable expectations of being helped if you are a decent person, now I come to think of it.

Maybe teaching children the difference between fact and fiction is more important than worrying too hard about the fiction they are offered?

Gosh lots of internalised misogyny on this thread. If nobody was ever "that parent"!nothing would ever change. YANBU op

Don't be thay parent. It's a fairytale and your child is 5. You're being OTT.

I agree with you OP, it really is time to challenge this stuff. If my link works check out Cinderella...

m.youtube.com/watch?v=p4OyCNctKXg

Oh, well, if it has to be entirely without help as that link suggests, that's all stories out of the window then. Everyone in the whole world sometimes gets help to get where they want to be -- sometimes even (gasp!) from a teacher! Or something they learn from a fairy-tale.

I think it's perfectly ok for you to discuss this stuff with your DD at home. I think it's perfectly ok for you to challenge the content of fairy tales, and the stereotyping, at home.

I think it is not ok for you to expect this to happen at school, when they are 5. When they are older, yes. Not now.

So no - do not say anything to the teachers - deal with the alternative discussions yourself at home.

Daily Mail fodder

"It's an entirely appropriate context to raise the idea of consent (e.g. why does the Prince think it's ok to kiss someone who hasn't agreed to it). Its age appropriate and non threatening"

I'm actually not sure it even is appropriate. In Sleeping Beauty (and Snow White) both are on the brink of death and nothing else will save them.

On a practical level this is akin to mouth to mouth resuscitation, not a kiss without consent. So the waters are well and truly muddied. He's not kissing her while she's asleep, he's saving her life.

You aren't being unreasonable to wonder about gender balance in Disney (although given 99% of the heroines are women, and the men tend to be useless boy parts, it could be worse for women). And you wouldn't be unreasonable to make sure that there's plenty of Brave and Frozen to balance it out. But you are being very very very unreasonable to make mouth to mouth resuscitation into a consent issue. Especially with a five year old.

Can't you just make light of it e.g don't make "heroines" of the more vacuous females... joke about how they are a bit drippy etc and link to a female character you feel is a bit less stereotyped eg "x wouldn't have fallen for that trick would she!"

Seriously. Have a word with yourself. She is 5.

Maybe the way forward is to home school your DD so you can wrap her up in cotton wool 24/7, 365.

YABU

Wow I worry for the future. I wasn't raised learning about consent from the age of 5 but guess what I learnt it when I was older and needed to. Why can't parents let their children be children anymore? Let them enjoy the innocence of fairytales and dream of their prince! There will soon be a day when life is nothing like a fairytale so let them enjoy it while they can.

🤣🙈 this is too funny. Oh yes OP, you will definitely be THAT parent! Ffs, what teachers have to put up with is just ridiculous. Get a grip.

OP get a copy of struwwelpeter, realistic and educational, no need to discuss consent either ... till your DD is a bit older!

Don’t even think about transvestite wolves in LRRHood offensive and general anti wolf sentiment in most fairy tales...🙈

I get where you are coming from OP. I've taught my little one about consent in basic terms too and understand why you would do so! Body autonomy in this society is ridiculous.

I do think we need to look at what literature we give to children, if you look at how many stories are about boys and when girls are featured now passive they are it's ridiculous!

Can't remember Prince Charming shagging SB while she slept.
Apart from in the Anne Rice version of the story.

Oh ffs

Sorry, should have RTFT. Kissing was the thing.

Mind you, there must be countless films she is going to see featuring kissing without a reasonable belief of consent. In romantic films scenes of the hero surprise kissing his love interest without her prior OK being checked for first, are ten a penny.

I work in a school and we are pressurised by HMIE to teach traditional fairy tales and traditional nursery rhymes.

It feels weird in a modern context to hear our EYPs sing Humpty Dumpty but it is what they are told to do.

I love the idea of Rapunzel rescuing herself

1. Rapunzel grows her hair ling
2. Rapunzel throws it out of the window to use as a rope
3. Rapunzel discovers gravity

I completely understand the meaning of consent despite reading all the fairytales as a child 😮. Do lots of adult women have problems with understanding consent now because nobody told them when they were 5?

They can simply enjoy the stories when young and learn all about consent when older...